5- My Rock and Partner for Life

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OIC research can bring many difficult situations, domestic violence, poverty and even sexual by your love ones welcome Amy Cobb and the Q thanks and you have no and I'd like you to let you guys know that I'm very excited today because we are joined by Dr. Boris; all cool I have to show that a story with you guys those of you who have read my book. Now that my forename is Amy hi Monique I love Nick I love being my married name for Dr. Boris is my husband 18 years and love of my life whom I call my St. yes I hi Dr. Boris because of hello Amy, glad to have you join us and just to get you guys a little bit of the background. My husband and I we do everything together. We've lived together for 18 years.

We board together for 18 years and now I guess we doing this out together and I wanted to talk to you guys today about how I wanted to discuss the effects of trauma. Common sense sounds and some methods of recovery are show deals with trauma abuse, mental illness, common misconceptions, treatment and healing options and what I wanted to do was to provide a platform where we can be there for one another and help one another, share our stories. It can be very therapeutic.

I have to admit that when somebody has suffered trauma and they're going through a difficult time.

One of the processes in recovery is to be able to accept what's happened to be able to write it down and then in itself can be difficult because society teaches us to believe that trauma is a very difficult thing. It's a very hard thing. It's something that can make is broken and that's how sometimes people can judge us. That is not necessarily so we don't have to be a textbook case. We can defy the odds, we can rise above and one thing that even more difficult is talking about it. Have to admit it wasn't easy for me to write my book. I'm a very private person. There's nobody more private than I am in that my husband was the only one that knew anything that happened to me near the fact that I was abused in every way, from the time that I was seven to the time that I was 15 my whole life story, but none of my friends did not even my psychiatrist. I went to her for that medication for the prescription that I wouldn't say much. I simply had conversation, I believed it was something difficult to talk about but do you guys I'm trying this.

I'm doing this experiment I'm trying to see if I can get myself to the point that I can talk about it as if it's no big deal because it's not my fault it's not something that I did.

It was something that was done to me so I should be able to speak about it like it was a car accident or something like that because it's no longer a shameful secret, but a vehicle to help one another and by providing this platform, people will be able to call in as anonymous and provides their success stories because remember all victims are become survivors and the fact that there survivor in itself. The fact that they are alive, is a success story and we all have a success story to share with one another. There's things that we can learn from one another and we can encourage one another by seeing how we can each success by believing in a greater being in a greater purpose by knowing that nothing should just break us down, that's not our purpose. If anything, if we been through hard times makes us even more informed.

It makes us even more mature in excess even more aware and makes us even more prepared and we can help others. Also, I just wanted to let you guys know that no matter what you go to view. No matter what is going in your life will be good days they'll be back days and some of us can struggle all day long. Between highs and lows feeling bad for no reason. I understand that but there's also very happy moment. There's moments to celebrate.

There's moments that you're so grateful that your life and I promise you if you grateful you live your life happier. You really do what you think.

I mean what you think Boris, how have they been explained to them a little bit about the difficulty since you married me how difficult the pin for you how much you learned and what you've gotten from this. Well it is understand the there are times the yes you don't feel well and then the I learned to leave you leave your space but then you have good moments and then we learn how to enjoy the more everything is a struggle sold.

Sometimes you need to just learn to leave for the hard times, knowing that there is going to be good times.

Yes, I've learned that there are ways that one can help themselves like listening to music that's very helpful for me because there are times that I can feel bad though those are times that I need to help myself. I go on Facebook… I hate that I go on Facebook that is for chronic PTS survivors child survivors from domestic violence or tell the views it's called adult see I guess for chronic PTSD survivors of childhood abuse and domestic violence. And this is a support group for people right anonymously on Facebook and he asked questions or they share the things that they know and for example I learned something about myself. I thought maybe I had a character flaw or maybe sometimes I was rude but this is what I discovered and I'll read it.

Someone wrote. So I just found out something I find interesting because my PTSD from being from longtime childhood trauma. I have many of the diagnostic indicators of autism. For instance, my reaction to social cues are either muted or overly reactive meaning. Sometimes I don't seem to respond and sometimes I really react strongly to mild cues best is one of the many ways I react like someone with autism.

My husband has Asperger's, so I was looking up info about it and kept going. I do that, but it's because X, Y, and Z are used to do that because it's made life bearable. So then I looked at the difference between the two diagnosis. I honestly think the most obvious difference between C PTSD and autism is the cause will you lose a lot of the symptoms that can be similar in different conditions so because victims tend to be hard on themselves. I learned that business. This was not a character flaw that a symptom and symptoms hot remedies sentence could be taking care of his medications for symptom. There's always God or behavioral therapy will yes that's why people go to therapy. That's why people go to psychiatrist and not everybody can.

Not everybody can afford.

Sometimes people can find help with one another by Colleen by having support groups by email going on.

Support groups on Facebook and things like that that the thing is that there's also people.

We also have to take into account there's people that don't have a support group that don't have anybody that don't know who returned to those people.

I tell them turn to God about the people that don't believe in God. Well, there is the result of free resources out there, especially if you're depressed after into substance abuse. Maybe you can call one of the substance abuse and mental health services administration hotline, which is one 800 662 help. One 800 662 help or you can call the national helpline network. If you are feeling depressed thing you want to end your life that can help one 800 suicide before you do something that cannot be returned or changed call one 800 suicide or if you if you're if you're a young kid through all of the lessons called emotional youth crisis hotline, which is 1-800-448-4663. If you are the victim of sexual sexual abuse, child abuse, the pressure may have suicidal thoughts.

This helpline can help 104 484-6634 that's important to know those things and to use your resources wisely because I know I can only speak from experience how someone can struggle with PTSD when they go to depression, how sometimes they can feel so alone and so scared and so hopeless that they think of suicide or they self medicate with drugs there knows their self-esteem is low and for a long time.

I myself had just had to struggle until I learned to pray.

I learned to turn to God. I learned to pick it. Believe in something bigger than myself. I learned that it wasn't all about me but about others and I had to become the best person that I can be for others and for myself and those things were important to me to have to tell you, being able to talk about these things and happen wrote my life story has really helped me because I am a private person and if it wasn't for my love for helping others.

I would be before this microwave 80 to tell you the truth. Yes, on the seventh. This is very very hard for you but also it is very helpful for the thousands of listeners of people that have suffered through up sexual abuse, domestic violence, and don't know what to do all have lost hope. Yeah and also even those who have lost hope. And even though Smit let's say that don't believe in God does nothing seems to go their way that they see no light of hope. I would advise those just notice if you take a moment to notice everyone has many blessings because God loves us all equally the same way that parents love their children equally in children love their parents equally, God gives us all blessings, even the smallest things can be a blessings for the depressed person taking a shower is a blessing so if you take a moment to notice. Many blessings, and if you take a moment to appreciate them and become appreciate you live happier being appreciated and I just want to remind you guys that are call number is 305-541-2350 again at 305-541-2350. This is your host Amy capital and this is the kicker. When you say when you say it is we continue with a gobble on 80 W.

Welcome back to the show that I did here and I'm your host Cabo today were talking about from a and we were discussing that people do go through different traumas and it's something that happens unfortunately quite common in today's world. In fact, when it comes to sexual abuse. One in four girls according to 215 study one in four girls will be sexually abused before the age of 18 and so what we do when we're faced with these comments and some of us are faced with severe long-term childhood trauma and also a have other, because for some reason once a victim is victimized. There also be victimized. Sometimes they self sabotage themselves subconsciously in the wrong situation or make the wrong decisions so this sometimes it takes a very long time to see the light and hiking give people hope by tying then there's God, and they can turn to God, and they can pray and they can exercise and they can listen to music on Facebook talk to a friend call a support number many different ways to help oneself, but what if each is doing. You just can't you just don't care to it no longer matters you've given up hope to those I tell you, don't give up hope and I share a personal story with you why you should when I was a kid, I had a dream I knew you that my world would come apart that I was pretty much abused from the time that was seven till the time that I was 15 and then I had a daughter at 18 with the abusive man who used to be me. I suffer domestic violence.

That's why left and but then when I left them to protect my unborn daughter. She took me to court when she was a year old, three or four times a year trying to take her away trying to change custody claiming parental alternation. While I hadn't been married yet and it was maybe seven years into continuous custody battles, and I felt tired.

I was worn out.

I did not want to get angry at God. I did not want to doubt him. I couldn't. He was all I had him in the Virgin Mary had no family so I couldn't but I was very very drained and I came across three nuns and I asked him I've prayed so much I prayed and cried and have gone to church and have tried to live my life the right way and I feel like I'm destined to suffer, but never can answer my prayers and these custody battles, I begged for them to end the nuns stating they told me.

Read the story of Job and granted I've never read the Bible, but I haven't been to church and I know that Job is a story of someone who suffered for a long long time but never lost hope and never lost faith in the end he was greatly rewarded as as I because after 14 years the custody battles dead-end. I did find the love of my life because my life story is tragic as it may be, is also an amazing love story so it in the end, I was greatly blessed with three beautiful children for great little dogs wonderful friends I have once sister that I speak to, and I cherish everything that I've had. I live my life better and make better choices. I learned to appreciate everything, even a sunny day because it's not rain or maybe when it rains. I'm glad that she's a receding nourishment. Always look for the bright side of things. I think you can find people have challenged me.

I can always find the bright side, everything I think that's one of the ways that I've survived and that's one of the ways that others can survive and this is why am sharing my story with others to let them know that there's hope in getting them ways to find a way to help themselves because a psychiatrist or therapist can only be there for an hour.

What happens to the rest of the days, or until your next appointment.

Medication could only work 35% of the times and what happens when you grow resistance and then you have to depend on the next new medication in order for it to work so one has to learn to help themselves and find fulfillment in helping themselves. One of the things a victim needs to learn once they become a survivor. As we all do is to love themselves because a lot of times victims have a low self-esteem.

It is important that we love ourselves and one of the things that I've learned fulfillment that I found fulfillment in his helping others. Anything that you did. Whether it is cleaning the house or talking to a friend or helping somebody with an aunt anything that you do.

Being kind to someone saying a kind word, smiling at someone. Anything that you do every little kind thing that you do, even if noted, nobody's noticing even if you doing it alone. Everything that you do you really doing for God. He takes notice and for some reason even if you feel drained, even if you feel there is no hope. Believe it or not.

If you pray and you pay every day. Eventually, something's bound to give it cannot last forever. Everything passes test me. It does, and anything that doesn't kill us only makes us stronger only makes us better people have to tell you one of the things that I am extremely grateful for is my husband had no idea what he who's getting into. Yeah no idea the can of worms he was getting into. Not only that I have two doctor parents.

You were kind of a little different not so nice. I don't think he liked them and I had custody battle to deal with 3 to 4 times a year. Boy have to sell you innocent not been fun for him from front of the defined phone while we we were strolling together while the cost of the brothers was something about experience review and then doubts differently something about all people to go through because the father of your daughter was just jerk what can I say. And then unfortunately people juice abuse the legal system by filing frivolous lawsuits and venue to defend yourselves and the that's what we did but the guy was definitely the right person. What the thing is that people can really abuse the system.

So long as they have money and they have no problem with lying and the reason that the custody battles lasted so long because it was me against the world. It was just my daughter and I had no family and the father. He owned a business. His wife proved her love to him by attacking me and they would come in with documented lies, even if but after the coming we were strong together. We have a very good attorney who was defending you very well. Justice system allows unfortunately for abuse no keeps capital filing criminal frivolous lawsuits relies and then you can just throw it away to go to defend yourself or waste our time and money and everything just crazy.

At least I learned how to become a lawyer. As a general master, there's the bright side okay well I just love everybody's heard a lot about this over this. Unfortunately, it's not correct for people just to show there you go, and the reflects on the children spoke last week and all the children.

No wonder the true suffering and the we need to be cautious.

What do we do with we do to our children when we go into never-ending custody battles and the forging of the judges are not the ones of them determined that we could get him all the parts anybody they do their hounds are juice diet. I guess hello because it's you it's your word against his land. He had the documented lies and where we cut. We have documented thrift supervision to so something we say something about what next year. He felt another bow should low so that's close our casings since we got together was it, but it was 8 to 16 years yes but I just want to point something out, no matter how many times we worried or how miserable we felt at times because of the unknown.

Everyone's afraid of what they don't know everything that always turn out okay. No matter what.

In the end, guess what God is in control. We worried for nothing. Sometimes we create our own circumstances.

Once we stop making excuses for ourselves and we start changing our actions start becoming successful. Anyhow opinion on your hosting capital and we been talking about the consequences of trauma as well as PTS a and we will we have our lines open. If anyone would like to call the numbers 305-541-2350 again at 305-541-2350. This is the care you can do online on a daily the race.com show that with the love of God, your husband and your family. You can succeed. Love is the answer. God is the key word reveals from a very sincere and honest position in Cabo's life, a warrior who didn't give up and achieve the dream of her life. You can get to know more about her story on WW.God is the key word.com or buying her book on Amazon.com and now we continue with daily gobble in the two 880 abuse back. Thanks for joining us here and I'm your host Amy though. We've been talking about the common consequences of trauma and yet posttraumatic stress disorder and don't forget our phone lines are open but trying to get some collars and if we can and we have a lot of good information for our listeners. We were talking about traumas and different ways that you can help yourselves. Being that you can listen to different music. The song that we just listen to was one that really helped me and it's a funny thing should be want to share stories with you. I do you have faith in God. I do. He's always been the cornerstone of my strength and believe it or not. In every phase in life and can't do many things. There's been many different phases in my life I have to tell you the base phase of my life was when I married my husband, but that doesn't mean life wasn't without challenges. Life continued being with challenges that I do listen to music. I do find ways to help myself and really it's ways that God is helping you because there's always a song that has to do with the moment of what I am going through at the time. It's incredible how does God know I need to hear this song and this song will help me.

How is that even possible.

Sometimes I'm completely surprised, but without fail your songs that help me get when I pay my rosaries on Facebook not always will I wait to see what the next post that comes up.

Sometimes it does, and sometimes it's supposed that I really, really needed to hear something I really, really needed to read and something that I then later share and it helps others. That's the way God helps me and encourages me to help others and believe it or not, God uses us each other. He uses us to be able to help another because sometimes, no matter what you do or how much you try, you might meet someone you might need someone's help. You might even need medication it's okay when not Superman were not infallible. It's okay to be human. It's okay to take time to heal and it's okay to be heard and it's okay to feel broken because that's also a part of recovery. And just because circumstances in life have happened that have brought you down or you feel like you've had bad luck that doesn't mean that you have the same opportunity as everyone else. Don't let a therapist or someone who is uneducated tell you any different. Nobody really knows what you're capable of.

Only God knows what you are capable of and believe me, you are more capable than anything you know, because with God. Vivi, anything is possible.

And that's the way I flipped my life. I just try to keep myself close to God because people that have read my book would not believe I am who I am today and people who knew about the case from hell back when I was a kid probably wonder what happened to Amy from the case from hell.

I was the center of the case from home and I just imagine that could these people that have read my book and see that all that's happened to me know if my case. Imagine what they believe would have been the outcome.

I wasn't supposed to succeed.

Nobody believed that can make it. Nobody will even would dream in a million years that go to college and graduate nurse become the president of the company owned one.

Thanks for the love of my husband. I deftly don't deserve it all. All yes and you know just to let everybody know there is a God and is always hope.

As long as you believe, and if anybody needs me, I'll be there for you. You could always reach me through my website God is secure.com and you can email me at Amy a I ande@godissecure.com and if I can be funny help of course I theft him because there's been people that have helped me along the way there's been friends like my best friend Jennifer that I've been friends with for 20 years and thought always put someone in the year for you. My husband, my children, if the question online. The lady that the does want to go in, but would like to post a question anyway so she sang what he far she is not sure whether she should come out with her abuse. She survived it for several years and she was of Charleston doing though anybody you know is really bothering her. Will will you we will reduce euro, your advice to her similar somebody contacted me about something similar like and my advice for that person with the that the truth will set that person free.

The person needs to talk about it. There needs to be transparency because that's going to stop the cycle and make sure that the abusive does not abuse someone now and also that would bring clarity to the situation and it would bring awareness and now other people could be aware of this person is very well have another question here online, and so Amy displayed is asking you what sure she'd do regarding the husband, but she has her nose abusing her physically. She scared though anybody well I guess similar question she scared to do anything. Feels she's impossible to live with her mother and also she scared to be on her own well change is always scary.

There has to be a strong motivation, especially if you have a low self-esteem and you don't think you deserve any better. That's the problem. And then I had that similar situation with my boyfriend of eight months. That's how long were together was abusive and was beating that I was one of those people that didn't feel like it is certainly better. I had been through worse.

So this was no big deal to me by the first thing that person should try to do is try to get therapy with her husband. The husband needs to accept his that he is wrong.

He needs to come to terms with the fact that there's a behavior that he needs to correct if he is not aware of this behavior denial, and he blames others, and he's always right like the father of my daughter and there's no changing that person and wanted an adult. It's very difficult. It has to come from the person you can't force somebody to change in that case, you need to leave and also there is there's resources that you can call and ask for help.

For example, the National domestic violence hotline, which is 1-800-799-7233 I'm sure they have resources to help you financially as well and guide you through the process. Hope everything turns out all right and I hope that when no need to serve badger. Nobody has the right nobody has the right to be.

You did there is no excuse for love unconditionally, but only if that person is willing to change. Do not allow yourself to continue to be in a situation that can hurt you or your children because that's something that your children shouldn't be witnessing either your the fish program about is very popular and for those that are teaming on your host Amy Koppel. This is the cure within talking about consequences of trauma as well as PTSD. Some stages of grief and some ways that people can recover and add the number to call. Here is 305-541-2350 again that's 305-541-2350 go boy book on Amazon.com we can to do with any gobble on 80 abuse where bad faith by joining your hosting though and you where we disguise, trauma, and distinct and different methods of recovery and for those that don't know that having heard the show.

I am a survivor I actually because I discovered God do during times of trial. I believe myself to be a spiritual warrior so I survived for those who don't know that have just you and then I had been to sexual abuse and physical abuse and emotional abuse and rapes and domestic violence in custody battles and the fear of my daughter dying when she almost got killed that 23 years old. I have always had, I found that my faith I survived that all nothing happened to me. I came out okay.

It is possible I don't have to fail in life. That's not what God intended for me and thank God that I found God and not too long ago I was asked to do a radio interview for someone that had a college audience and he told me I could not mention God that I needed to tell people how they can go through trauma center, life without mentioning God and of course that was very difficult to me because I believe we are no one without God led you did get in a tent. I told them, and for those who don't believe in God deeply in the power of your mind.

Do you realize we only use 3 to 10% of our mind and it's really the way that we do the things people in Third World countries little girls get raped all the time. This child marriages.

There's people that are starving for situations so if you compare yourself to people were situations, you realize her situation is actually not that terrible. And if you try to get writing you don't. Oh yes, God always forgives and the fact that he is in you just have to try.

You have a million other chances to get it right. And there's also karma don't you believe that like to give is what comes back the guys, let's be kind to one another because you never know what somebody's been well it's hard to see that we are finally coming up to the end of another close of the show. We had a lot of questions and a lot of information to cover and I wish that we would've gone through all of it, but there's always so much more.

You can always say, and I wish because of this has been the key here and I'm your host any cobbler you're listening to us and eight that they remember that you can download that by going to WW W8 80 database and join us again next Friday at 2 PM. Thanks for the overall rule. So, on all the no go. So so so so so no no with your smart phone with my heart at or