Marks of a Great Mate - Up Close and Personal Pt.1

Well good evening everybody. A lot of fun doing this together for also to make sure that you get some really valuable information as you think through relationships and you think through the whole dating and mating game. Okay, we should start off with a little bit of Mars Venus stuff so the first will do the Venus stuff okay radio I got is a list theater of the 10 kinds of men that you want to make sure ladies you absolutely avoid ready for this are near the 10 types of men to make sure you avoid number one men who consider Super Bowl Sunday a religious event you want to number two men who were full army fatigues to go grocery shopping. Number three man who can sing the entire Gilligan's Island theme song by heart: a guide number for men to agreement to avoid number four men who believe that pro wrestling ought to be an Olympic event that you number five man who bought the Ginsu knife slipped and walked out.

God number six, all I hear is to avoid men number six men who consider burping on demand a marketable skill number seven man myth. The village people you don't want that God number seven number eight router number eight men with car stereos that are worth more than the car number nine men to avoid number nine men who still do cannonballs at the pool yet home like a guy I and last of all, this is my favorite men to avoid a man who think that a yeast infection is what makes bread turn green all walk that God… Created a love that project now not Mars time so guys here. We have gotten from Maxim magazine 10 reasons why it's great to be a guy ready number 110 reasons why it's great to be God. Number one, a five-day vacation requires only one suitcase number two number two why it's great to be a guy you can open all your own jars that wonderful five number three number three. It's great to be a man because you can go to the bathroom without a support group.

The access number four number four. It's great to be a man because wedding plans just to kill himself wonderful wife like to be a man.

Number five, one mood all the time over six to be a man because if you retain water. It's in a canteen year target number seven. It's great to be a man because the remote control is yours and yours alone. God number eight. It's great to be a man because same work, more pay all enlightened lightning were just having fun here life by number nine. It's great to be a man because if another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit as you will probably become best buddies for life and number 10 why it's great to be a man you can write your name in the snow.

You'll get it later on I followed being here because I can get away with any that in the morning crowd fuddy-duddy that I lose my job. Okay now we're going to talk about dating and relationships here and you know what I was in my 20s, back when the dinosaurs roamed the earth.

I hated David dating was a miserable experience. I mean first there there's there's coming up with that killer opening line which I could never do that and I was getting up the courage to ask a girl out for the very first time. Then there was dealing with the rejection when she laughed at you when you asked. That was tough. And then there was always living under the stress of wonder if this is the one I wonder if this is the one. How will I know if this is the one I thought many times that of Brenda. If anything ever happened to my wife, Brenda, I don't know if I could force myself to go back to doing the dating thing again, but you know God really blessed me through it all somehow God really blessed me and gave me my wife, Brenda, and this coming June. We will have been married 24 years.

There are now friends it has not been in the 24 years. Brenda and I are different is chocolate vanilla. We can disagree about anything we can disagree about the right way to make a right-hand turn at a stoplight. We can disagree about anything and yet was still hanging in there. After almost 1/4 of a century for one reason and that is it.

When we got married we decided that we were going to build a marriage not based on outward look not based on personality, not based on chemistry or anything like that but that we were going to build a marriage that was based upon character and integrity and mutual spiritual respect and after 18 years of being a pastor in counseling all kinds of couples.

I am more convinced than ever that this is how you build a successful relationship you build it on character and the marriages that are built on that foundation, are the marriages that really make this what I want to talk to you tonight about see as guys we often pick a gal out that we want to get interested in. We pick him out for the wrong reasons we looking we go wow I love her hair. I love her face while I love her superstructure in our relationship with this girl but superstructure changes plan our growth. We hear you guys you guys don't think I will relisten to you. We listen to you guys talk you say wow Penny got great. I wow penny got a great smile and he got a cute little black you folks that would impact up exactly what Brenda said about me when we first met you know great eyes living in Rome at this oh so.

But things change folks here watching you guys do ugly listen to Lisa's work out the 104. At noon, and if you listen to that love is a guy that comes on in the middle of a work out his big old deep bass voice and he says this he says it's not the pants that make your butt look so big it's the chili cheese fries and see after 24 years of chili cheese fries. I think even get one leg in the repair genes I used to wear when Brenda and I were dating things like that change, but character doesn't change character is the foundation upon which you can build a lasting and successful relationship. And so tonight I want to talk to about the marks of a great mates and all character unlocking to talk to you thing about chemistry or looks or shape to talk about character and guys. These are the character qualities that I'm going to outline for you that you're looking for in a gal. Now these are the things that you're looking for in a guy if you're serious about building a strong lasting Christian marriage Christian family and Christian home. Now remember were all just growing in our walk with God, you're not going to find anybody who's got all this often absolute perfect perfect development. There is no such person, but what you can find is a person that has all of these qualities in their life and their serious about them and are working on them and are trying to grow and mature in these areas of your life that you can find, and that's really what you're looking for and I got seven to give you and I hope you'll write them down, and I hope you'll use them as you date and go out with people doing quickly ready to recoat number one spiritual quality. Number one is if you want to build a successful Christian home Christian family, Christian marriage, you're looking number one for person who is spiritually connected a lesson in the second Corinthians chapter 6, the only deterrent I'll ask you to turn it on a passage in a minute.

Listen to what second Corinthians chapter 6 in verse 14 it says do not be yoked together with unbelievers of another translation will say, do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers and what this means. It's a picture from the world of agriculture of the Old Testament and what it means is you got a plow to put two animals on the front of this plow on the euro and you could have them pull the plow. What the Bible is telling us here is that when you take two animals of completely different character and nature, and you put them on the same yolks to pull the same plow. It's not going to go well if you put a horse and a mule on the same yoked to pull the plow did not go to pull it into InSync. If you put an ox and an elephant on the same yoked up in the plow. Things are not going to go well there little pull at cross purposes and out of sync with each other and in the same way God says if you take a Christian and you take a non-Christian and you put them on the same yoked to yoked to pull the plow of marriage and you ask him to pull it together.

They are not going to pull InSync they're gonna pull at cross purposes because a believer and a nonbeliever have different value systems. They have different priorities in life. They have different worldviews they find pleasure in different things, and very often they have different morals and different ethics. You cannot put them on the same yoke and expect them to pull the plow together very well and friends. If you're serious about your walk with Jesus Christ. If you're serious about establishing a long successful relationship.

A solid marriage of Christian old that you are looking for person who doesn't just say no and on. You are looking for person who has a vibrant, active, growing, living real authentic relationship with Jesus Christ and takes it seriously and don't settle for anything else you will regret it. The rest of your life principle number two is if you want to make marriage work you're looking for. Principle number two.

A giver not a big part of what makes marriage so difficult is that marriage is not a 50-50 deal to make marriage work to make intimacy work both people have to be giving 100% and takers have a very difficult time making marriage work. More often than not takers find it nigh on impossible to make a kind of intimacy and demands of a marriage work. They saw a bumper sticker in the other day that dialogue.

Here's what it said it said honk if you've been married to Liz Taylor about ethical bumper sticker coming times with Caleb and Mary Woody figure 8, nine. I've lost count out of the happy times. It is what's wrong with this woman. I mean after being married for 565. You think you figure out what she was looking for get it right when you become the woman can't seem to find anybody that she can stay married with Dr. Joyce Brothers wrote an article explaining why I thought it was a very insightful article.

Here is what Dr. Brother said she said the reason that Liz Taylor can stay married is because Liz Taylor is a law of consumer. She's not a love giver live sailor knows how to be law. She knows how to consume love is being shown to her. She knows how to embrace love is being given but she does not know how to give love anybody else she's a consumer not a giver and Dr. Brother, said Liz Taylor could marry 50 people and every one of those marriages will end in divorce because as long as somebody is loving her and giving to her. She does five but as soon as the demand is put on her like marriage puts it on. You have to start giving love to somebody else. She picks up her Gucci bag and she goes all she she she can do it. So, Dr. Brother, said Liz Taylor is never going to have a marriage that works is you know how to give and friends.

This is that I think an incredible insight and what it means is when we are looking for great mate.

We are looking for person who knows how to give love because they are the people who make marriage work.

We are looking for people who know how to give of themselves or because they are the ones who know how to make relationships work and I love what Philippians chapter 2 verses three and four says Philippians 2 says that I'll read it to you. It says Philippians chapter 2 verse three do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider other people's needs along with your own. Each of you should look out not only for your own interest, but also for the interests of others. You should have the same attitude and you that Jesus Christ you know Jesus Christ is the quintessential example of being a giver. He came to earth and died on the cross to because we needed him to. He came to earth and gave his life for us because he did what Philippians 2 said he put our interests ahead of his interest, and that's why didn't it ever Philippians 2 is telling us is that this is the way to live. If we want to make relationships work. I'll tell you of God blessed me beyond my wildest dreams and giving them all life Brenda. She is one of the greatest givers I have ever met in my life shall give up close that she really wants because she got a buy) children shall give up going somewhere that she really wants to go to stay home and take care of something for the family that needs to be done.

She will give up some pleasure that she wants to have this day and go and meet the needs of another person that she feels like she ought to be there meeting and shall give up know what she wants to do to do that, almost to the point that sometimes I get angry with her and say you know at some point you need to think of yourself.

I mean it's some point you gotta do something for you and it is wonderful to be married somebody to somebody are trying to talk him into doing something for them. What a wonderful blessing. One of the reasons our marriages work for 24 years is because I married one of the greatest givers I've ever met in my life. God blessed me with that.

These are the people who make marriage work givers and that's who you're looking for.

Number three. You are to be looking to marry somebody who's not afraid of hard work. See Hollywood's role.

It's not all about fireworks marriage is not all about fireworks and warm fuzzy music and strolling off the side you forget that that has nothing to do with this at all, marriage is all about hard work, friends, marriage is all about diligence and responsibility and industriousness.

It's about duty and commitment and holding up your end of the wagon. That's what marriage is all about. And if you're looking for a marriage partner you're looking for spiritual Maline you looking for somebody who understands Semper Fi you looking for somebody who got a run for cover when the hard work starts down when you go to your boyfriend's parents house. Pay attention to what he does watching the walking, the house plopped down on the sofa, starting a little bit of chocolate or some cookies while his mother sets the table.

He gets the whole meal on after dinner. It is a goal ever sit in the easy chair and watch the football game and take your shoes off while his mother cleans up the dishes and put them all in the dishwasher and knock yourself out and lays down totally exhausted on the couch.

Three hours later. I mean does the guy get up and help it hard to just sit there let everybody else do the hard work.

Be careful whatever he expects his mother to do is what he will expect you to do and you know what marriage is a lot of hard work. You don't want to marry somebody who want you to do it. All ladies or vice versa guys when we're looking for someone to marry were looking for a guy or gal who has no illusions about life being easy. A person who will put their shoulder to the plow and will pull it right along next to you would like to, you will be partners with you. You don't want a lazy person to be married to you want a person who has the character to do hard work number four. A person that you're looking for to marry is a person that is sensitive to the needs of all the people I want you to take a Bible and look with me at first Corinthians chapter 13 it states 813 in our copy the Bible.

If you can bring a Bible use our copy page 813 in our copy or first Corinthians chapter 13 in your copy.

They say first Corinthians 13 prescriptive authority that sounds so familiar whereby what chapter that that's the love chapter 1 everybody has read it there marriage ceremony. You know, so I resent the leads first review 13 is they will launch it yak like your little bit. I don't know, cynical about the enemy.

What's the problem with reading first Corinthians 13 at your marriage ceremony does no problem at all is wonderful but marriages don't work because you get up and read first Corinthians 13. At the ceremony. Marriages work because you take first Corinthians 13 and you live it in the marriage now look what it says here about what makes a successful lover and a marriage. A successful partner in a marriage.

Look at verse four it says love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. Verse five. It is not rude and it is not self-seeking. Now look at the words God uses here to describe a person who makes a good lover and a good marriage partner. A person with patient who is crime is not jealous, not boastful, not proud, not rude, not self-seeking to sum up, this is a person who is sensitive to the needs of other people that why is this so important friends. It's so important because marriage is a relationship if you do it right that peels the layers away and exposes you like no other relationship in the world. If you do marriage right. Marriage is a relationship where you become not only physically naked with one another, but where you become emotionally and spiritually naked with one another. Remember what God said in Genesis 2 it says the man and the woman work together and they were naked and they were not ashamed and he's not just talking about being physically naked, but being emotionally naked with one another as well.

It's a relationship that's only peels away the levels so we become more more vulnerable with each other. We become more and more aware of one another's deepest fears, deepest insecurities deep this fall and when you're in a relationship like that if one of the people in it is an insensitive, verbally abusive, brutish sort of person that abuses all the people you can do damage because you're revealing yourself at a level that no other relationship calls for, and you can do damage that is life all along. If you marry a person sarcastic and cynical and insensitive.

You looking for a gentle person to marry you looking for person with whom you can be safe when you're emotionally naked you looking for person who sensitive to the feelings of others. I was getting my haircut the other day when I was reading a Mlle. and so I ran across his lifeless problem with that. Look at the pictures I just read the article and so anyway so anyway I was reading one of the Q&A's in Mlle. and here's what this girl writes in and says she says question. She says I went to see a sad movie with a date and he cried at the end of the movie was mortified. Does this mean he is a total will. This was a question I read this and I thought this girl's clueless, clueless I mean imagine this now. Your guy you out with a girl on a date that you hardly even know you go see a movie and this guy has enough sensitivity that he begins to break up and weep over some part of this sad movie. This is not a wimp. This is a wonderful person, all other things being equal. This is a guy who can be touched by the pain and the path loss and the feelings of others, even through a movie made of everything else was good. I grab this guy in a heartbeat because it acquired a movie you cry when your real needs become known to be sensitive to them when I grab a guy like that girl. What's wrong with this girl, daughter she want macho Mark Childers.

I wish you Lawrence wants a guy like that and guys, believe me you don't want to marry Roseann.

You know that's not who you looking for. You are looking for people who are sensitive to the needs of other people who can be touched by the pain and the real hurts of others because in marriage, you can appeal it all off and you want somebody to say you want somebody that sensitive. We gotta hurry.

Number five ready you looking for somebody who's loyal look what it says your first Corinthians 13. Look at verse seven it says love always protects, always trust it always hopes, always perseveres.

In describing true love verse seven is telling us like a big old neon sign. This person is loyal this person is loyal this person is loyal not being loyal doesn't mean that your doormat I meet these guys all the time.

You know Christian guys and when they when they die dating a girl what they want is for the girl to submit first question I asked him when they go out on a date. Have you read Ephesians 5, you know what they're your Greek word for submit and are looking for some woman rollover play then let them do whatever they feel like it. That's not biblical submission. That's not biblical loyalty. I have a definition of submission. I love to share with young Christian guys. I say hey listen submission does not mean that a woman shuts up, put your brain in neutral and accepts every stupid idea. You come up with.

That's not submission. Y'all ladies can clap if you want, you should not submission real submission means real loyalty means that you got the courage to be honest with your partner.

You got the courage to be real with your partner and if you see danger and if you see trouble and if you see problems that you did that you take the relationship here is enough for children to take the risk to tell that other person I see trouble here. I see problems here. That's real loyalty.

Real loyalty means that even though that other person may cut you off at the knees and private, when you walk out in public. If you're the Lone Ranger she's Tonto with these the Lone Ranger your talk to me that's what real loyalty is the loyalty doesn't mean that you just roll over and play dead and I saw the movie Jerry McGuire Justin movie Jerry Maguire that why I love that movie.

I sent for the one part that fall got my contact lenses blood in that one see the rest of the movie I thought was a great movie and I love Cuba Gooding.

I mean our members have no muscles anywhere between his waist and the bottom of his hips the way he moved and that little show me the money thing because I actually tried it and I to move like I can you move like that to move like that anyway.

That has nothing to say but I just thought that was interesting anyway you member in the movie when when he asked Jerry McGuire why Jerry married her. That woman and and Jerry McGuire said will I married her because she was going. She was loyal. The guys that is not the right reason solely to marry a woman and that's what of course Cuba Gooding tried to point out but it is a very important thing and Jerry McGuire appreciated the fact this is a great quality in a marriage partner that there loyal and you're looking for somebody if you want to make a long-term marriage work you're looking for somebody who is a loyal person who even though behind closed doors. They may chop you off at the knees friends when you walk out of that house. It's one for all and all for one, that's the kind of person you want to marry Harvey under the last two quick ready Arrigo number six you looking for person who knows how to forgive see marriage as a contact sport. You might not believe it but it is talking the number four message in the series about how to fight fair because I promise you if you get married you can find if you don't somebody as it is either had a lobotomy or is Justin showing up you little fight. It's going to happen. The real secret is how do you fight without destroying the relationship a little talk about that in message number four. You don't want to miss that.

But the point is, when you fight people get bruised people get hurt people's feelings get them is not only physically bruised but emotionally bruised and if you make a long-term marriage work. You're going to have to be a person who knows how to forgive because people hurt each other in marriage is. I mean, is it just happened.

Now let's all agree, forgiveness is not easy for some people it's easier than others, but the person you're looking for is a person who when you watch them interact in your dating relationship.

When they get hurt they are people who know how to forgive.

They know how to put it behind him. They know how to make it ancient history.

They know how not to bring it up again and they know how to go on with life. So how do I find this out. Do I go out of my way to walk up and go you know what that dress is really ugly and your eyes tonight. You know that all power to do on sort would you forgive me. Is that how we find out if people can forgive no no, listen, you will create an off problems and opportunities for this estate.

You'll have plenty of opportunities to do this you don't need to go looking for. Just be yourself and believe me, they'll happen right, but when you are yourself and they do happen. Find out does this person know how to forgive or my still here in two years later about the thing I did on the first day your dad from because you'll be hearing about the rest of your life. You want a personal Kindle who can forget what you did on the first date. Forgive it and let's get on with life. Okay, last of all, you looking for person with integrity person with integrity. Ask yourself some questions about this person does he or she mean what they say and say what they mean to say is this a person I can count on. Do they keep their promises. Does he or she fulfill their obligations as they do they get to their appointments on time to they go through their calendar and their to do list and do they carry all this stuff out of a people of responsibility to they pay their taxes without cheating.

Did they tell the truth. This is person tell the truth or they asked me to answer the phone and say they're not there.

Can you trust this other person implicitly because you see, trust is a basic building block of marriage. You can't build a marriage without trust and trust is based on integrity, you can't trust a person who doesn't have integrity so integrity is key to making a marriage work to find out is this a person of integrity. Watch how they live and decide cannot trust this person Wally my life in their hands because that's really what you doing when you get married. Both of you.

Well it's let's review. Okay, one of the seven things ought to be looking for a marriage partner. Number one, a person is spiritually connected number two.

A giver number three, a hard worker number for a person it's sensitive to the feelings and the needs of others.

Number five, a person of loyal number six, a person who knows how to forgive a number seven. A person who has integrity and listen to me guys, you find a person that has these seven qualities in their life and I'm telling you it doesn't matter what the eyes look like doesn't matter what their hair looks like doesn't matter what their teeth look like and it doesn't matter what their superstructure looks like you can build a long-lasting successful relationship with a person who has these kinds of character qualities. This is what you're looking for the rest of it's going to come and go. Believe me this is what last and this is what Bill successful relationship.

Let's pray together. Father, thanks so much for talking to us tonight about what it really means to find a partner that we can build a lasting relationship with and my prayer is that you would help each of these young guys and gals here who are searching for such a partner that you would help them Lord to make sure they understand just what the target is just what kind of man or woman there really looking. We thank you God for reminding us tonight that it's character, not outward beauty, not chemistry, not personality, not looks. But it's character that Bill successful relationships and I pray that you would help each of these guys and gals to find a person of character like that that they can build this kind of relationship with before we commit them to you in Jesus name, amen