Parallel Fifths. Breaking The Rules, and Caregivers

I lived in your this is the nation's largest show for Jeri Ryan funerals work on your host upbringing 35 years of experience.

Stay strong and healthy should take care of someone how you doing how you hold what's going on with you. 877-655-6755 if you want to call him laugh or streaming audience. We are stripping on its owner pages of the caregiver stayed with hope or hope for the caregiver group that you can join and would love to have you be a part of the show 877-655-6755. Otherwise, you're stuck with just me and himself. The man you know when you love and you see this press release. He is John Butler the Celt of muddy disco. Everyone will good evening good morning good whenever and wherever did you find yourself. I am John Butler and I love my love is for you. By the way, just serious note, you may find this interesting. One of the rules in music when you're scoring music and and composing and so forth. If you don't do parallel fifth okay okay so like, here's an example of a parallel fifth will do that when you're harmonizing like with humans and think such that which is the foundation of lot of Western music.

Your CM structure, but Henry Mancini who did that for the pink panther that is all parallel fifth while I'm not he just purposely broke the rule and made it iconic and sounds like it. Well this true and said I thought that was kind of cool that he breaks the rule makes it iconic so rules are meant to be broken in the you know that's a pretty good topic for us to take this caregivers you get locked into rules you have to know the rules before you break them and know why they are the rules and break them with intent as opposed to accidentally exactly and that is a a good lesson for us as caregivers know that there are some things you know it's okay for us to adjust and do and I think when you start out as a caregiver you you put these unreasonable expectations on yourself and then where does it go from there and and and then you have to go back and say okay Wayne, but maybe I wasn't supposed to do with this week. Maybe it's okay if I do it this way and it but that takes a little bit of seasoning and it takes a little bit of permission to do that if you can give it to yourself internally, then you and most of us can't that were going to need that permission external from someone with this counselor support group fellow caregiver has been down this road while you whomever you could find that. But don't lock yourself into your only you think why I yeah I read an interesting story, which is a little somebody to be posted this on Facebook or something like that and you know they were there were talking about assessment were having with her therapist, where they said notch dishes pile up on me and I can't you know that it really just the dishes. If I get the dishes taken care of. That would make my life just run a lot smoother and I just can't bring myself to do, and the therapist was like well you got paper plates right and they're like, yeah, but what white keys for quite some time. 111 China Dixie cup. It it feels like you like, well, mom would be really upset if she so well she's not living with you right now so destroy these breakpoints and make life better and they needed that permission from their therapist is now that we completely back ourselves and those kinds of corners it self-inflicted yeah and habits and are really hard to break.

You know, and very, very difficult to think Chicago did that so your attribute. You have a trick that you have a debt you will likely start of the dead Joe. I had a point about paper but it was just terrible and you have crickets there to let you know that was really painful. Really bad S no: kind of thing. Do you have something better.

John, I do. I do you know why the ocean insulted no I do not know why the ocean insulted you yet. Well, it's because the land never waves back again crickets know as far as dad Jukes goes this piece right they think it's a good thing that we have a prosthetic limb ministry because there's a lot of allaying material here they won't look I'm just looking forward well I did go by the house to the show yesterday and in that the broadcaster we do the broad tissue of Saturday's laugh and it's really more caller driven this show is designed for John to not text by this and will have special guest on so forth. But the live show is resetting more 8 AM Eastern that a lady called and that she was taking care of somebody who had their toe amputated and I did after I expressed your concern and insufferably tough but I did have to weeded the tow truck conversation because I know Abby would you like to double if you did, you kind of you've heard all of the so she's been an amputee mail for for many many years over 30 years.

This extra 30 years.

This year, so it's is for those things that you she realized this is so not a part of her identity is her self-worth. Ryan right that gives permission that brings me back to what we talk about is giving yourself permission to to feel, believe, act, do things that maybe we pigeonhole yourself into doing and and that becomes the case I've found with a lot of characters is that we with me and I can't do that. I'm supposed to do this and that goes back to the fog of caregivers that I talk about quite a bit. The fear obligation and guilt and and I'd like to spend some time with that obligation today is that that obligation of an here's how you know that you're dealing with.

I have to am supposed to love must you know I like we talked about with the song for John's spectacular intro. Yes, well, what, when I when I did parallel fifth and you're not supposed to do that in music that is that that is a rule don't do parallel fifth and then here Henry Mancini, one of the greatest composers around of film composers and so forth, came up with this way of turning parallel. Fifth, a rule that you don't do into a iconic theme song for hint of four of the pink panther and so that I'm supposed to get a lot of people in trouble you ever been beleaguered by the land use that word for the big board to save it from the other three movements. About six and half dollars work ever been beleaguered by supposed to. I mean besides your paying rent and bites you know we all have an end. I think about it with what I've had to go through with the kids this past year and is there in distance learning their parent home with me all the time and that has created this you when you start doing it. You're like okay I need to. II must have this exacting schedule and in getting up and doing everything at exactly the same time so that they have some sense of normality. And let's be honest. Normality went out the window. It will were several exits past normal. Yeah, that ship has sailed. Bites making sure that they're okay that the giving myself the opportunity to to break that schedule. If I see an opportunity for all you know, let's go, let's go out to the field and and throw pro ball or Frisbee around something like that. When we got we have to have time because are done with your your whatever it doesn't have to be exactly at 230 or something. But as long as you get the stuff done it sometimes doesn't matter that it's it's near maybe a little bit of a wonky day or something like that and not beat myself up over over missing. You know, the 12 o'clock window for whatever will the school system in general is set out as an institution. It is set out to provide a structure to train in a uniform manner. The most kids possible train and educate and views that would educate sometimes a little bit guardedly because education can take on many different forms, but I go back to historically a lot of times, most education went on in the family.

I can think of several cases with that Susanna Wesley who had like a passel of children she had 19 children 19 children. Not all of the live because back in the 1700s. You know that now ran but she did have the least about trees that did your parents average over that lived but it's double sheet she trained her children at home and she made sure they had education and and two of them grew up to be two of the most famous ministers in history. What was Charles Wesley, her son and the other was John Wesley, just a mate and was the founder of the Methodist Church, but but he was educated at home by his mother and and that's the way they did it and so I don't I don't think that we have to think we've grown up in a situation where the kids have to go to school do this, we donate to for whatever but that may not be the best way that your children word may not be the best way to do it in a even if it's the way we have to do it because of societal functions doesn't mean that were locked into that that education and I grew up in an environment where we set around the the day meal table. Do you guys have a lot of meals on the table to get a job that is one of the one of the things that while I do occasionally give myself permission to hey what's your let's have a less formal thing. But I really do try to have dinner around the table every night. I also love to cook so will II grew up in that and I have four brothers and sister and we had incredibly lively conversations on the table but it was in this was also In the Navy and so current events, news, things such as that those were important topics of conversation. Now, with four brothers with five boys, you know, things would evolve quickly sometimes and that her spirited months. Thank you, dad would bring out a captain voice and say boys you know that kind of thing, but what I was legal when my children were in school we we made it a practice to sit around the table and have meals where we would talk about the things of the world. I would read to them and so for that I think that we learned that they learned in a different way. Maybe then maybe some other reason, I noticed that a lot of families did not sit around the table and eat dinner and they can trace that back.

By the way, you could their statistics prove a difference in children who sit around the meal table as a family and eat. There's an of of behaviors of learning of of you know adjustment to society at all those kinds of things.

A lot of it has to do with the family mealtime and that's however you define it. Sometimes you we would substitute our table for the table at Mazatlan zero Brentwood right a lot of time there and I love that it's a very nice endorsement by the way famous on the list. I will happily take some of your card. We raised our kids over there. I think sometimes but yield waffle house, you'll go. But you go if you break bread as a family and that becomes an opportunity for robust conversations, not about silliness but about education do you find is apparent that you are weaving in the lessons of the school year when you do something that is described to the field or whatever yeah will want to things what were the great thing about the divide. Like the ages. My kids are right now there there 13 and about to turn on and we gotta wrap this part up like Carrigan is 13 and her history lessons are about things like truly am interested in Mike, the Crusades, or the silk Road or something like that. So I get to know late on to my son as well.

Malcolm, you go back to school yourself now is yeah a little bit, but I truly like will go to an obligation in the way it is supposed to be done.

It has to be done were supposed we should have seen no it's okay in the rules. The rules are then listed in the and make it work for us in this caregiver will be right back.

Have you ever struggled to trust God when things happened to you I'm Gracie Rosenberger in 1983 I experienced a horrific car accident leading 80 surgeries in both legs and became I questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me.

But over time I questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God that understanding along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish standing with help more than a dozen years we been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people on a regular basis. We purchased ship equipment and supplies and with the help of inmates in Tennessee prison.

We also recycle parts from donated lambs. All of this is to point others to Christ. The source of my help and strength these visit standing with help.com to learn more and participate in lifting others standing without.com. I'm Gracie. I am staining with help 24 seven emergency support increasing safety, reducing isolation, these things are more important than ever. As we deal with the challenges of covert, 19. How about your vulnerable loved ones. We can always check on them or be there in ways we like.

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247.com connection and independence for you and those you care about my companion. 247.com we talk today about obligation is part of what I call the fog of caregivers fear obligation and guilt and ever so alternately to review this for myself, because we get into these places where were somehow thinking that it's it's we have to.

We must, we should and we were staying with conventional things and conventional things don't always work conventional things often don't work when you're a caregiver and it it's it's but it's important to learn with the conventioneers so that you can deliberately work against that in a in a positive way, not in the destructive way, not in a haphazard way when you're feeling guilty or or anything like that you so that you can feel a little bit more in control what you're doing and realize oh okay I'm doing this and this works and and so it's like for example I did a musical object lesson with John's intro today and I got the company to do that for you. John, as we move forward and just keep coming up with great musical intros for you that I splayed out yeah just the only thing I want to bring my keyboard here through doing pianist well if you but it was that that the thing from the thing from the pink panther where Henry Mancini the composers using parallel for us, which is a notice when the first things you learn in composition, theory, and so forth that you don't do parallel fifth and yet he did it and made it iconic and so what are what are some things is a caregiver that you're having to realize that maybe you you pigeonholed yourself in and said okay I have to do with this way. I must do it this way and for me. You know I had to I had to get to the point where I was beating my head against the wall in a situation where I was feeling all this pressure that I must be so in command of Gracie's chart. For example, that I was the guy that knew all the stuff is try to keep up in this point was driven home to me when I watched my father do this with my mother couple years ago my mother what underwent some surgery and she had to freak she's pretty ill. She was in an ICU and NATO. It was pretty dicey. She had congestive heart failure, and my father has a terminal degree degree in his field.

His ministry as a doctorate. He was a captain in the Navy… Which is basically quiver full Col. in the Army as an 06. This is an educated man, very smart and wise man, and I watched him struggling to keep up with the doctors and try to keep is that you keep engage it, I could see that he was. He was faltering in all fairness he was little over 80 at the point at that time, he still is over 80, but these further away from me, but he he was struggling and I and I watched him and I pulled beside lesson very gently to my sedan.

I've got over 30 years head start on this pretty capable fellow that I can't keep up with the stuff and I realize that I don't have to.

That's not my job. I said you went to divinity school not medical school do something divine and and he looked at me kind of funny that he realized that I would back a sob later in the in the lobby just was reading his Bible sin there being very contemplative and the new unit will be spent time with mom.

He would be in there and he would be her husband and pray with her, read scripture to and pastor her. They didn't try to learn all the medical stuff but it took me his son, and you know his junior bath 30 years 30 years. This give him permission to back away that he did not have to keep up with the doctors and I thought but there's that that's the teachable moment. And that's this part of why do the show is because I sold the value in being able to come alongside people so you know you really don't.

You're not required to do it. There's no rule books for this is it that you know and and so anyway your thoughts to. I could see bursting with enthusiasm know the but yet again that the giving of permission even from your your father respects you and respects your opinion in these matters.

So you had a really good relationship already, but to but it still awaits this this young kid that is my kids Army bites you note to get to get permission for that is is again, that is, that is a difficult thing to see a humbling you know and and to realize that we don't have to to do all these things. That's what one thing I do not in thing about this mysterious whole conversation know you we talk about the obligations replace ourselves and we talk about obligations being a quick path to resentment and I think resenting yourself might be the worst kind.

I have found it to be so with when I resent other people. You have to look at an affidavit with your cellular waterway, but but one of the reasons I put this in other terms, so like like the music thing. For example, is because I think it helps us disassociate from the the emotional pull that we have as caregivers. So I go back to Henry Mancini and we work with. In composition without studying composition formally in college music composition ill and even before that, in and theory classes I've been taking musical theory for since I was a teenager and in so it was drilled into our heads. You don't do parallel for us.

You just don't do it, but if Henry Mancini had subscribed that rigidly we would never hear the theme from the pink panther me think about which which is brought you no immediate smile to anybody's face appears that you immediately start smiling all those smiles would been forever gone. Had this composer not thrown the rulebook at the window. Once he understood it and said no I'm going to do something different here and I will make it work and I thought you know as caregivers, can we can we learn from that. Can we can we bend the rules. Can we alter the way we look at this in one of the biggest things that I have felt for me is when I came to understand that my wife has a Savior numbed that Savior you know and and for those in recovery programs would say things like your loved one has a higher power. You're not that higher power. You know and and and that's it. That's rule been deferred for caregivers because we feel like it's all up to me it's all up to us and then we feel obligated to to meet that increase fully unattainable standard. I mean incredibly unattainable standard.

You cannot do this and this is 35 years talk, you can't trust teeth.

Just do it.

It is on sustainable. It is on attainable get another with arousal that John no unsustainable unattainable and if I give your best to exit and the song is undefinable night there you go. I you win this round November. I just took all that into a limitation to this is over the care of this.

Peter Rosenberg. This is so for you as caregivers were here with John Butler, the man with the plan and were glad that you're with us the way we got more to go and you can always be part 877655675 messages on Facebook live streaming from hope. This is John Butler and I produce hope for the caregiver with Peter Rosenberg. Some of you know the remarkable story of Peter's wife Gracie and recently Peter talk to Gracie about all the wonderful things that have emerged from her difficult journey.

Take a listen Gracie. When you envision doing a prosthetic limb outreach. Did you ever think that inmates would help you do that, not in a million years. When you go to the facility run by core civic and you see the faces of these inmates that are working on prosthetic limbs that you have helped collect from all of the country that you put out the plea for and their disassembly sell these legs like what you have your own prosody and arms and arms everything when you see all this. What do you make me cry because I see the smiles on their faces and I know I know what it is to me like someplace where you can't get out without somebody else allowing you to get out course, being in the hospital so much and so long and so that these men are so glad that they get to be doing as as one man said something good family with my hands. Did you know before you became an amputee that parts of prosthetic limbs could be recycled now had no idea and I thought a peg leg. I thought of wooden legs. I never thought of titanium and carbon legs and flex feet. The legs and all that. I never thought about that as you watch these inmates participate in something like this, knowing that there there helping other people. Now walk there, providing the means for the supplies to get over there. What is it do to you. Just on the heart level. I wish I could explain to the world. What I see in here and I wish that I could be able to go and say the this guy right here Denise go to Africa with that. I never not feel that way out every time you know you always make me have to leave. I don't want to leave them.

II feel like I'm at home with them and I feel I can we have a common bond that would've never expected that only God could put together. Now that you've had experience with what you think of the faith-based programs. The core civic offers. I think they're just absolutely awesome and I think every prison out there should have faith-based programs like this because the return rate of the man that are involved in this particular faith-based program and other ones like it, but I know about this one are. It is just an amazingly low rate compared to those who don't happen and I think that says so much that has anything to do with me just has something to do with God using somebody broken to help other broken people. If people want to donate or use prosthetic limbs, whether from a loved one who passed away or you know somebody well groomed. You've donated some of your own for them to have it, how they do that please go to standing with hope.com/recycle staining with hope.com/recycle backspace one of our generous sponsors here at the Truth Network has come under fire fire from the enemy fire for standing up for family values. Actually one of the biggest supporters of the movie unplanned that talked about the horrors of abortion. Yes, it's Mike Lindell.

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