Caregiving Author, Rick Lauber: "This Surprised Me!"

Christmas gift, why not take the one she can have a complete checkup. Maybe it's not the get for your family, but it gives the perfect gift for poor family ninja chicken can break the cycle of poverty for poor family yes chicken chickens thanks provide nourishment for family and they can sell those exit the market for income when you donate a chicken or any other gospel for Asian 1% of what you give goes to the field and get the ball went gospel fundraiser to support family. Jesus family this Christmas, give them six explanation see chickens and camping by doing this, just on the phone. John hears the set up. Okay, introduce himself as a Toby but his book Canadians got to caregiving, but I didn't understand it. I was I was in the card is rooted connection.

I thought he said the comedians got to caregiving, but that he had been there and then I thought that I asked was if you have a hitchhikers guide to all. Well I have this job so I know that's what you're thanks goodbye so long and thanks for all the fish out of the absolutely how I love the books but did hears this is Rick Lauber and Rick is from our he's our neighbor to the north of us.

I'm a little closer to you think John Sam effectively so that he he's in Alberta and he's got a book out that he and he's been a prolific writer. He studies had contributions and chicken soup for the soul and some of the things is that I want a buddy taken for both parents and just has some insights and you know the Canadians are so nice job are so polite and well that stereotype and I will stand for five Rick were glad to have you a thank you very much well were thrilled to have you and you are in Alberta which is just north of us. I believe correct in Montana corrected pretty much straight. How much was the weather like up there I would work cold that we got 20° and since know what you will about my 25 Celsius we got snow across the eye. I could never do Celsius John, can you do Celsius I can do once -40 is saying this on this may not mean much to you, Rick. The one time I was skiing over Western North Carolina with the youth group was growing up on a group of that part of the country and we went this long time ago and were staying at this camp ground thing and with the youth group and those of all we could get was a little a.m. station up there in Boone, North Carolina area went mountains a.m. country station and the guy comes on exist.

We got the weather report for you this cold out there. Here's Mel Tillis is called up your voice, but were glad to have you with us. Tell us a little bit about your journey as a caregiver and will get in your books and so forth that I want to just kinda unpack your story did something she learned along the way, my pleasure.

I was a former co-character for both my parents, mom conduct Parkinson's and leukemia data so I will expect you sisters collectively to care for them simultaneously. Don't know whether that was a blessing or curse, but all of that caregiving was very new to me. I was young compared to step into the shoes, but you know I did what I had to do you know a number of different new responsibilities on back repeatedly.

I I looked after the banking at monthly bills like shuttle docking the claimant shy know I eventually became dad Guardian that alternate trustee and end up making many medications for himself. It was that it was during what if you could pinpoint one thing that you said you said you were unprepared and most of us are like I haven't met any caregiver yet that was prepared but what was one thing that really caught you off guard while I woefully unprepared for this one straight while I just feel like not not looking at hand, not not thinking proactively rather reactively rather than collectively yeah you I always thought that mom and dad with the pictures in good health and antiwar yogurt. They ended up going older they got they got sicker and I know I hadn't really envisioned them ever going older and man and declining shell yelled out caught me off guard.

Well you said one of the things that you you did during this and I assume before hand, but it really took off was your writing. This process and you seem to be of pretty voracious writer talking about Shirley. I have always enjoyed writing in and no others have told me that I've been good at it and writing during my caregiving years, especially during the later years that I got older and got and declined further you don't like him as a coping mechanism for me. I used it to help me help get you those dark side mail and to deal with what going on, provided me a safe outline is to talk about my thoughts and feelings might yell in and like journaling journaling. There were there were articles and stories that I ended up committing to a local Sears newspaper. I was lucky enough to publish and those I know I just wrote on anything going on different issues without size that I'm feeling and no after mom and dad died Writing and I kept thinking to myself, there has to be something you choose – I know I'm not the only God, not the only person impugning work caregiving or nor will I ever be. What else can I do with it. So you know my my my story my journaling became the platform for my first book that turned into my second book as well. So the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy.

I really thought when you said this.

I really thought the caregivers got for comedians and you and I thought I really thought we had a winner there that okay down now this is something but don't want it. Was it.

It may be laughter when he said that it had us do a double take on it because I thought that was funny because you got a pretty wicked sissy roaming. Who else puts up a picture of them on the website with the red nose and everything else I sent a clown nose like really like straight out all right on what you did. Were you able to keep a sense of humor while taking care of your folks yes I know I learned that that last was an important part of it. No caregiving is important and serious topic you know when I approached it seriously as well, but there were times that know that I had to laugh and I could laugh, what going on and know that she'll be honest with you it will note you have to laugh because not everything is completely in your control know and you know sometimes you just have to know go you know say this is beyond my control. I can't doing about it. So no end up laughing it off. I had a years and I think sometimes I think Bill triggers the permission to laugh and it sounds like you're the kind of guy that can help subdue that. That's something we've been working here on this show to do so. No, it's okay that that there are things that are hilariously funny you not disrespecting the suffering you're just simply living life and you're just being a normal human being that I had a a caller: you must show the other day and she called me Dr. Rosenberg would win your last name is Rosenberger and you can speak medical these in your been a caregiver for now my 35th year and I'm around a lot of hospitals and doctors, yet you going to call Dr. Rosenberg and I remember one time I was checking Gracie into the hospital and I was going over Stonehurst chart with the nurse that I was wearing a suit at the time and I was using my official have a caregiver voice you know can think of right and it for whatever he and I cannot mean I couldn't I could turn it on if I have to, and an nurse she said you Dr. that without even missing a beat as it cranial proctology and I just kept going and I did stuff speaks. She can look to be real funny then just wrote it down. He can go from here on out, fear Rosenberger cranial proctologist you know that I help people get their heads but as you know it, and those are moments that that that I've come to just five it's okay we we got a laugh a little bit we have to wear human beings will crap we cry plenty of tears you have. I but you going allowing yourself to laugh like like you pointed out his is important important way to look out Eli. I remember the story I remember one time as my mother and negotiated out by fall in the in her living room and you know immediately rushed to her I was turned. I know I help help your Dr. she had been flailing around on me on the floor like a like an overturned turtle land – you know, when we got our got a slight and laughing about it because it was completely out of our control and you have to have to laugh. You have to let that go will when you set out to write these books you started putting together some things like that you are writing writing writing. What surprised you the positive way about yourself through this that you discovered some some skill sets besides writing that you may not have known you had before is that the caregiving brought out of what what what surprised you about yourself and by the way did. If you noticed we don't rehearse questions here so I could not have noticed affect your session so thank you.

We don't we don't rehearse anything here and I had a 15 second conversation on my here.

Okay, let's go. You know that we were caregiver sweet wheat weaknesses like just throw it out there so you know you found yourself in this crucible and you look at yourself in the mirror and you said you something about myself. That's positive thing that I didn't really cherish her know that I had her baby value was much as I value now, what would that be. I think one of the things I learned was what I was capable of in a difficult situation and I'm pretty proud of myself for what what I accomplished doing all of that time you'll another another thing that comes to mind is, is becoming the adult in the relationship and making making of key decision goes to God. I don't know, with the goal finally became a child and he became completely unable to get out to make those key decisions so you know I had to step in and then and no negotiations for him a lot of time to Chicago so yeah yellowish. I wish I was surprised. I was pleasantly surprised to see what what I could do and what I could achieve and what I what I ended up doing, got you know that may be one of the most cherished answers I got from any guest because one of the issues and John will back you let me up on the issues we have struggled with was so many in this audience is that they're not proud of.

They find things to destroy themselves with to criticize himself with and love the way you said I was very proud of myself that I stepped up and did this, what a beautiful testimony of that and and I think that I hope you will share that over and over and over again with fellow caregivers, particularly men, that because you are is a male caregiver you know that men and approaches from a different perspective and so many beat the crap out of themselves over everything they feel that we would listen if I if I wanted you and I to list her failures would be here all day because were going to fail but I love that John your thoughts on that note will and the thing that I that is that is the primary point was wanting to make, but something else because you didn't, so you you common elements are beautifully pure but the idea I try on the right bites. The phrase that that you use becoming the adult situation that struck me that really resonated in a way that I think a lot of people can can also kind of credit and getting getting through that entire idea of all know how to how I'm the adult now with my parent and that is a and making all his decisions and commenting on that was I think something very valuable. I just want to highlight out will question Rick your sisters.

How did your relationship change with your sisters did did did did you guys go tighter together was it was it you, I know that there's never gonna be a smooth euros and above said nobody feel like you guys were able to work together pretty well and and grow together as as siblings or how that work skirmishes, but no floodwaters, no knowledge of the back to work fairly well together fairly cohesively. You know I'm not going to say that one thing the arguments because there were but you will be doing any arguments, but much.

I think I think would help – in the long run wide communication we we we spoke with each other. Leave me talk fairly often regularly and I think we were members who were working for you know it was a it was working for mom and dad and we we tried to find in beautifully said, beautifully said Rick Lauber from Alberta, Canada. His book, both books are available out there right now you go to Rick Lauber.com RIC KLA you are.com caregivers guide for Canadians and the successful caregivers God both available now and other things that he's written Rick, I want you to know how much I appreciate you coming on the show. Thank you for this time. Thank you very much. Just turn this over. The caregiver will be right back to the Roseburg health caregivers better.