#428 Caller Cringes Over Advice He Gave to His Grieving Mother

Let's go to William and Odessa, Texas, William good morning, how are you feeling guilty good morning, sir work during my call will thank you very much you are you are you feeling of a woman who you take care of or did you take care of real briefly been an RN for about 25 years were Working on the patient dyad cried God-given into more my mother died in 20 brain cancer are not here prior more you know about our long you know before she got women hating in into the current being a nurse prepared me for little bit but really the emotional attachment to her dying mother, the thing that really bothers me and hurt her dad. My dad and she could hear him before he passed it she grieved about him.

The mom tried for an emotional here. They had if you do get emotional. It's okay this is this is your place to do it so voice gets Whitey.

She grieved her him and I know that I worked with that not mom one point and I know this is not therapeutic communication… That is inherently okay.

He's not here anymore. He's not suffering. Letting go feeling that was so presumptuous of me because I told married 16 years and so I wish now that I could go back and take those words back in a wish that I hadn't done that because it was a steward at that point and I knew better and the I just need therapy or something for that will step you take it easy to say, look, use what I did and then when we take things like the Lord. I cringe over what I said at this point. Lord, as you struggle with.

Wish I had in and you know what he knows this.

I know this you know this. He knows this and and so that's the beauty of our walk as believers is that we can go to him and take this to say you know what Lord I just cringe over this, but I thank you that she's with you two as well and the symptoms as a group that's just a good starting place. It's okay to admit that you cringe over step midway about with you that I cringe over things that have come out of my mouth, but you know what we were doing the best we could with the information you had at the time. We ask God to know he redeems all of that to serve a great God of redemption.

Knowing what you hang onto the egg onto the break.

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I some state of the break is what he saying is a place where a lot of caregivers live what we we look back over things we said during our journey as caregivers with a love one, and in cringe just crying and we just hang their heads in sorrow and shame and frustration. Okay, we get that that with every one of us are going to that it William I'm so glad that you called about this because this is such a hard place for us as caregivers when we go back and we replay the tapes but you know what you did not well I get you grief on it. I really do and I think that one of those things we do with each other's caregivers is recognized at the time we did the best we could with the information we had and when we go back now through the clarity of hindsight we see these things. That's when we have the opportunity go to Christ and Satan. You know what Lord I got this wrong and and I asked for your forgiveness or bust. My heart was that I was too short with Russia be more patient but but again we you so should've should've shadows and say okay here's what it is Lord. This is my misdemeanor that so by Bill Gates or the road of something beautiful, something good all my confusion. He understood all I had to offer him was you know what you meant so was the last luxuries. All I had to offer him was what brokenness and strife, but the night of my life. One final course of something beautiful and I think I think you know William.

Maybe that's a good, good. So if you go, I just listen to somewhere today. Just do it all I had to offer. He was brokenness and strife in this you look back and almost torture yourself for the way you said things to mother but you weren't saying you were trying to be mean.

You just trying to help her, but it was back exit. I wish I knew then what I know now what does it say that all of us wish we knew then what we know and how. But here's what we know now also is it we have a God of great redemption and in that he is redeeming, even those things in your mother's safe but never safe right now. I Family with one guy and one I was so big, strong but when it came to my own feeling, and I'll get a good job with mom and dad, but just like in and out one more time and in the God and let it go, I come on now you and you knew better than that, it's your mother. You should have been more tender right and Shiva your hard your dad with love and you were maybe making some sort of burnout about that bio, Bob, get over it. Initially that was so wrong will what you take just a step back if you don't mind and understand that you are paying what you learn to this the hard lessons in the tears achieving this morning because of that and you you done this if you struggle with this in your Christian walk in understanding what what God is doing in and do and is doing and will do you come on the show and I don't have the people listen so they say there's a pretty large number and there are nurses that are listening. There are sons and daughters who are struggling in the same manner and now they're hearing from this big and strong nurse who took care of more people dying, then you probably want to remember in your you sharing the lessons that you've learned through it the hard way. The painful way, but you're also imparting wisdom and clarity to let people know that they're not alone in this and there that the isolation that grips assist caregivers you've pushed into that William you've taken this and I think that's about us a wonderful way to honor your mother and father after they've passed on is to say you know what here's who these wonderful people were. Here's what I wish I'd said better and who knows how many lives now will take your words in your heart to their heart and change the way they deal with this part of God's redemption. That's what he does he believe he believes all these broken things in our lives into something that's extraordinary. This is a broken place in your life that hurts, but he's doing something even now in you and through you to who knows how many people we know. Many times we don't give ourselves credit for the grouping that we have nine we just concentrate on the water little errors that we might not like that guy my personality but my word would be that you know the suffering of the loved one passes and the suffering it all the way. Praise God for that, but sometimes you know we delivering the offer and reply to type like that. I love the suffering of the loved one on one, you know that 12 good job. Pray to God they're gone will you know we can use we judge yourselves without mercy on her job performance you as a nurse you get off you always get performance reviews consistently get those that your career as a nurse you have to sit down with nursing supervisor and so forth.

Medical staff and there's always this evaluation. Your job performance. We get that there's always room for opportunity for good judge yourselves by job performance, which we caregivers do we do it religiously, almost most of of criticizing ourselves. We are our own worst critic. What about you also with with that same zeal judging ourselves by our attendance record that's part of your job performance as well to and you keep showing up and you showed up with your mother and you showed up with your father showed up your attendance record and for also and all of us as caregivers.

Our attendance record is flawless. We keep showing up, and in so yeah you did do a good job you showed up. He let let God handle the perfection. Our job is to be excellent. What we do be good stewards of what we do but let God handle perfection in an effort about sit me a note. This may resonate with you.

We a friend of mine sent us a note to my wife and I she's dear friend of hers they'd known for years knew my wife before wreck, which was that was over 37 years ago and she said in Japan and I didn't know this but when there's a piece of pottery or porcelain or or something like that and it cracks the they don't just discard it. They repaired it and they put gold in the cracks and it becomes more beautiful piece of art because of the gold in the cracks and I didn't. I do know that and it was the love that she said on that and I thought you know that's kind of the way we are his people. That's what God does. We have these cracks in us that are broken places, broken pieces and that's where he was more of himself in, and that's what you that's what you demonstrated this morning and that's what your tears reflect this morning is that home God's making something beautiful even out of the cracks you present resonate with you guys mark her the record of a bar live will I can.

I can from everything I see in Scripture I can almost guarantee you I can guarantee according to Scripture