Pouring Into the Lives of Your Grandkids

Jim Daly or Focus on the Family and thank you so much for turning in before we get started I want to make you aware of a great event that's coming up October 20 and 21st in Jacksonville, Florida.

It's the legacy grandparenting summit and we have the man behind it all. Right with us today.

Learn Fowler Larry, thanks for joining us good to be with you. Jim okay, what's the legacy grandparenting summit all about.

Well, it's the only national conference on Christian grandparenting, and it's meant to be and to equip Christian grandparents to become more potential of passing on passing on their fate. It is live in the Jacksonville Florida area but is live streamed to about 110 churches across North America.

That's fantastic. Why should grandparents participate in the summit and what are they gonna learn well they're going to learn a lot about how to fulfill their biblical responsibility to be faint storytellers to pass on the legacy to the grandchildren and deceived faith perpetuated and their families. You I think it's all kind of capsule waited in a wonderful and heartwarming story about someone named Tom what is Tom's story yeah yeah Tom says that he came to the conference is very first conference kicking and screaming his wife and Nancy had the had been given a registration by her church because she was on staff that she didn't want to go alone so she said Tom I want you to go with me. He couldn't imagine Jim going to a conference and spending two days talking about grandparenting company, but he was already a really good grandfather but that he would tell you that his whole perception of grandparenting was absolutely transformed in the first hour of the conference he saw kinda good site to grandparenting that he had never considered their wonderful godly people they'd never thought about grandparents and their biblical responsibility to be intentional pass on site. He would say it's absolutely transformed his perception of grandparenting and Jim wheezing that happened with thousands of grandparents as they have participated in the conference and we will encourage even more to be transformed by the message of intentional Christian peremptory. Now that's terrific. I'm not a grandparent yet, but my boys are in their early 20s and I'm sure it's around the corner at some point. Grandfather one of the animal want to be but if I were grandfather. I hope Jean were enacted to can pull and cajole me there. But she might someday and I just want to encourage you to consider participating. You can get more information at our website that's Focus on the Family.com/broadcast so I get registered and become a better grandparent.

Thank you Larry for being with us. You're welcome. Glad to be with you making coming entities and strengthened. This is what we can do grandparents at work and on the sidelines were ready were seated at taking Amy mom and dad on here, but when we went workout dominated by the listener whenever they collect CN where flasher and I were not invented in the net belts at that price, and the kids and said we can come with fresh strength.

That's Shelley Tomlinson she's with us today on Focus on the Family along with her friend and co-author Chris Howard your hostess focus president and author Jim Daly thanks for joining us on John Fuller John here Focus on the Family we love grandparent. I mean I'm not one yet not one yet but were looking forward to time. One day, and it's one of the things that people will contact us about they'd like to see more content or grandparents and so here's your day were to talk about being a grandparent being a really good grandparent and how to do the right things and avoid doing the wrong things and I am looking forward to this discussion so that in time and the right time and I become a grandparent all be equipped you'll know better how to engage with the ring as yet all this can be a fun program. Chris Howard and Shelley Tomlinson both our grandmothers.

Chris is a prolific author and one of the Duck Dynasty matriarchs. I guess you could call her Shelley is an author and speaker in between the two of them they have over 20 grandchildren.

I believe at least one or two great grandkids is crazy their host, the popular rocking it grand podcast and they've captured some of their stories and wisdom and a great book by the same name called rocking it grand 18 ways to be a game changing grandma and we have copies of that here at the ministry, click the link in the episode notes or call 800 the letter a in the word family and while were talking about being a grandparent with two grandmas. We also want the grandpas to hang in there because this confidence can be relative to you and we want to help in that journey as well and let me welcome both of you. Thank Focus on the Family is going to have you got your really fun we had a little banter already. I know this is going to be very energetic.

As we said that John and I were not grandparents yet in our little journey but I hear it's pretty good what your favorite thing about being a grandparent favorite thing to let you get ice cream and I like ice cream and Chick-fil-A are always something. I mean there was a time when my my thinking is now are they ranged from 17 to 25 so I'm great grandkids states now have five great link so there was a time when my entire minivan smelled like something like Donald's or something down anything that my favorite thing of being a grandparent is just watching them grow lap and began to pour into van and see the things that you pour into your grandchildren like you did with your children actually come about and play out and I just recently went to my granddaughters. That was a way and she was in California. We live in Louisiana and just evening at 11 o'clock I get a text saying I miss you know how precious is that that I have developed a relationship with my 18-year-old granddaughter when she's in California.

She had even thought about me. I think that the tour de force that to know that I am part of their thinking and that they live in a way that gotta be top of the list of favorite thing nine a young parents and this grandchild is 12 or 12 1/2 and then I have one that's one and #6 that range and ice ages by the way, 12 1/2 is actually 13 favorite thing in this. Grandparenting journey has began you had a different place your stay off and say you interact with them differently than you did with your children.

Yet there is not quite as much expectation and say you can engage in more conversation. There's not the nuts and bolts of parenting going on is not change that you can really engage with them and save the world through their eyes because they're always saying things that I would have recognized and noticed I like that that's good. I think it I've said this before but it's a funny line that grandparents and grandkids have a common enemy help children come back to my house when they granted there and they're coming to pick him up and the grants all and I like to go the other way and the parents are thinking well thank you fun that might be a good place to ask the question because it does create some tension with your adult children right and your daughter-in-law, your son-in-law, you know, they come to get the kids in there kicking and screaming at their heels, Doug, and they don't want to leave grandma and grandpa's house because it's been so much fun in the course get the phone call, you know, grandma, grandpa, can you guys help us be so fun.

Don't give him some love as you are aware where the parents lines are in. Chris and I talked about this a lot like if the parents are down and get their kids a lot of sugar then you don't either. I think that really you abide by their wills is much as you cannot because his grandparent yeah you got a fight you down this on only the grandson said all that, I really did try to respect if they say naptime. They need a nap.

Then you put them down for a nap if you say sugar is a no nothing down and that that helps with that problem with them is the fact that they dig in and want to stay with you. You're just happy about that. Like sorry that he likes me yeah now I'm okay. Here you can take them split kicking and screaming. If you know.don't stop playing games you want him to stop crying for the parent, like loving every minute of it.

Chris, let me ask you, your granddaughter, Sadie Robertson, that's willing Cory Cory is your daughter so Sadie's your granddaughter and she's a delightful young lady has every every father who has a son about her age. That's the kind of daughter you hope your son will me and I just just from people when Sadie was before I really would like to meet.

Sadie thinks she'll be in such a fenced to mated set Sadie up and not even in that know you you mentioned in the book you travel to a speaking engagement with her and a young woman approached you and she said something about being a grandparent that really grab your heart. What did she pray over your say to you, dad she'd had for the first probably three years.dynasty when Sadie for your son Sadie was asked to speak some matched developing her speaking skills. I was the natural want to travel whether Cory was busy filming and doing different things. Solace with Agatha speaking and this young lady Man said that she'd been thinking and praying and she just wanted me to know that what has been coming to her is that that my ceiling ceiling is grandparents will be the floor for our grandchildren to live in blossom and go and move into an automatic, I mean just test me sound match that when you look at that. I guess using that analogy of you know, building upon your grandparents floor ceiling is your floor, which is a great way to look at things.

One of those is a grandparent one of those building materials that you're giving your grandchild to build on one of the timbers that they're going to be using one of those things you're investing in is a grandparent right that is, that's what we think about so often what we want to pour into at her grandparents for them to think about that. Think about those things. Water stains my husband and I started something when arsenal that only made tough medicine last challenge every time we let vacationland make the case at hand, and we added to this principles for living are Howard legacy principles for living.

We have 67 problem now that we and those are the things we wanted to build into our children and so of course now those are the things that we wanted to build into our grandchildren, our great-grandchildren.

So how you go about those things, maybe a little bit different when you're pant the grandparent instead of the parent you don't have all the responsibility on the time you do get to do a little more things things don't have to be quite as serious on something that still there's a seriousness to it, because God has gifted us with this role as grandparents. We talk a lot about the intentionality that's really big and I think it speaks and what you're asking.

If your intention is a grandparent of what it is that you're wanting to pass on their opportunities out during the day while you're with them to redirect their thinking toward what the word says what God's word says about the S and it can be a natural way of including the principles that you're wanting to pass on to them in the conversation so that they know what's important to you and you don't have to preach a dice just grandma really loves Jesus she listens to and this is Haley's guiding her life, and if they say that model of that life of faith for them. It's easier for them to come to that.

And you have to do that or we want you to do that with intentionality.

Let me ask you this is kids get older, maybe the teen years frame that time and why they can tend to pull away but there's so much pulling at them electronics friends everything like that.

How did you see those changes happening in your grandkids and what were the kind of the fixes to try to keep them engaged in the family will speak to that and then I'll say to Chris because hires are little older, but I'll tell you what I'm doing right right now because nonnarcotic transitioning and I see that happening, and then Chris can speak to.

As they get older said that 12 and I have a couple that are patient, 13 and so that you have no you are no longer the center of their world, honey. Sadly, this is what begins to happen you know grandma was everything when they were to and now their world enlarges and it's full of friends and family in their own interest you have to reach out to the him more time initiate you initiate and you do not expect Dion and you don't take offense if you're no longer that brightest star in the bar see how it can be hard as grandparents because that was your baby.

But if you realize that this is natural and it's good that you're no longer that they're not orbiting around you and so you reach out to them and you continue. I say in another place in the book you talk about the things that don't matter as much said that the things that you've already built ground occasion. Parents is so thoughtless what's going on.

If you instill that that disability have a conversation and talk to them about their life and you might be talking about a frog or the color of the sky, and it may seem inconsequential before they reached that age.

But if you feel that communication even then they start turning out her and I'll trust you to talk about the things that are really important because you took the time to talk to them about the things that they felt were important when they were little bit but now Chris has that older teenagers that his word out about my experience as I remember I was on her radio show probably five years now and she asked me how I dealt with teenage grandsons. Hers were really little and I had the teenage grand and really Shelley is saying it right, you've built you'd like that foundation with every just like a parent as you lay that foundation said that when they reached 15 years as natural years that they're going to gravitate away from you and my junk in my family is when my kids by grant get their license. I get traded in for car like I am the one driving him around and going on then all of a sudden I'm not anymore. In my 17-year-old had I appointment this week where he had to have his eyes dilated. I said, just like old times batty until after we did that we went to Chick-fil-A. It's just staying connected to them all the way through, so that when they reach 13 years, they still want to be with you. I still mean you're definitely way down the line. The girlfriend boyfriend friends at school and on a concept, but you're still in the picture because you build this relationship with him and I and for me is about both of us like to be involved even on other levels like we both play tennis with our grandkids about ski do those things out those kinds of things that you find anything that a man you know my crank as well.

Tennis tournaments you know right whole family you know tough times are part of life. We are on the mountaintop sometimes and sometimes were in the valleys in the book you mentioned that. What are some ways we can teach our grandkids not being there parents obviously but from the grandparent perspective to build resiliency. You know to toughen up. So when those big blows come in life you can manage them whether their eight or 18 or 28.

Whatever it's going to be so I think the specific questions how do grandparents play a role in toughening up the kids. I think a grandparent's role is different. You're not always privy to everything that's going on in their life because you're the grant that you're not living in the home with them you're not seeing all of that and so far, grandparent, I think he always had to be mindful of that and keep the conversation. Like I asked my check on now. I say how is school going know how school really going our friends in your life that kind of thing and just being super encouraging in the best way I think I said nothing about green Passover.

The best cheerleaders because sometimes it's up to mom and dad to condescend the tougher things and not to grandparents to cheer them on. Even when mom and dad had to say you know what that was a tough game he can actually play your best grandma can command and get the biggest high and here's a bag cheat as in some water and great body. I love you so would change a little bit. We will talk this time when we do shows on building resilient children. We think we have a responsibility with get grandkids to to help them see that what I found to be of that type of resilience is to really give my grandchildren bigger picture, because many times I look it is an and grandma looked like she'd never had these problems and their parents didn't have these problems that if they are involved in something that I can say to grant you know I remember when your uncle Philip was this age and he was playing bow, and sometimes he would have a game like this whenever nothing went right, and you can liken that the adults around them that they they have not considered this yet. And this is uncle Philip.

He would just decide exactly now telling them what to do your modeling for them when it Jessica had this problem when your mom had this problem. She did the yes and I began to see how they wed third the storm and that helps them build resilience.

Let's move to probably the most important aspect of heart thing for grandparent and really those of faith, those that have Christian faith because that's what it's all about. So how do we help our grandchildren develop a faith in Christ that provides eternal life. So we believe that we embrace Jesus and that's eternal life and spending eternity with him in heaven. That's awesome. It is the whole ball of wax Omni that is an ongoing dialogue is the bringing Jesus into the conversation it say a language of faith that I state with my grandchildren way down. I have something during the summer that Kyle grand camp, where I have come to my house and we just act crazy. It's like very much what happened that Katie scamps dies a case Thank you card, but we incorporate say have. It wasn't all that day and we might have a devotional that morning, guys. That's really short age-appropriate 10 minutes or something very short and will talk about Jesus being the light of the world that Dan, I'm going to bring that out through the day. I'll bring questions to them and keep the conversation going about who Jesus is, in different things that were doing. Think what where we missed this is when we only take our children to charge they do not say Jesus being a part of our laugh Monday Saturday and we take them to charge again. We do them a great disservice because now they're looking in their same way doesn't appear to be a really important part of your life I want and have a different message. I want them to say that you know Katie lives in Preece, Jesus there something here were right near the end, but I do want to cover a couple things. One, you compare grandparents to superheroes. I like what super hero identify with one day superhero day at school and Mike went on to say that Levi talked about actually went as me, so I just was so amazed at that and just thought it was so precious and I got to thinking about the traits of a superhero and hype for me.

I think if I were to be when I would have to say wonder woman because that's what I want to be and I wanted to accomplish so many things in life and we were talking about this yesterday how Sadie so much like me in that we just always have so many different things going going in life and I think Sadie saw that as if this is using the six grade as a sixth-grader and said then I started developing that name for this blog about one of the things that grandparents do that are like a superhero, and so you know if you get the book you can read all those things but you know one of them is just I think superheroes are always out to do good and that's what grandparents did not mean that is our focus in life is doing that we've lived it all really done a lot of things and now what's left for us to do is to leave the good leave that legacy of God with our life and you both talked about that building resiliency into the grandkids. You know, observing the parents. Your adult children's wishes when it comes to what the outside of the let me speak to that community of grandparents were there, is connected and right at the end here. You know, and I want a reminder, but we have current Christian counselors.

You can call us to get more information but I know people are listening where it's gone wrong. They're not connected appropriately with their adult children. Perhaps therefore they don't have access to the grandkids or another just strife in the family and their hearing this going. I wish I had the playful spirit. Chris you know what you just described and having fun that Granny Kim but my kids and I are somewhat estranged, for whatever reason I don't have the kind of contact. What advice to give that grandparent. How do they begin to mend that bridge so they can experience one of the greatest blessings in life.

I would just so encourage I like to state directly to that grandparent that's listening and almost emotional to speaking to you because I feel your heart and I know that it can be hard if you're not connected but I want to promise you that the Lord wants that more than you do. He wants you to be connected with your family and with your kids with your grandkids and I would just so encourage you to partner with him to just go to him in prayer and began to ask him for a different relationship with your kids and grandkids and yet it is not just something a cliché or something to say that God does answer prayer and he is listening and so the very first thing I would say is pray pray about it and then own up to what you have done on your own, your mass, the part of relationship that share mass on it because your kids need to hear. And that's the humility that the Lord can blasts and then just so many times we don't say vocally what we won't vocalize that with your kids, you know I done this is where our own.

What's gone wrong, but I want something different for your kids and I want to be in their life, and I think those two things that humility and honesty and partnering like a 30 thanks and partnering with Jesus in their lives. I think that's where you begin so good that's really in heaven shall you do such a great job summarizing that in my heart goes out to grandparents in that situation as well and they had guests would say it may be just in a different way is do what you can do. The Bible tells us to do what we can do as much as it depends on so make sure you're doing what it depends on you to do to make the situation better. And as we get older we get a little more stubborn holidays and set in our ways and sometimes when you channel talk with herself and saying now back And do what I can do to make the situation better and I went think that the grandchildren out there who are wanting you to be a part of their life want you to do that. It's a challenge, but it's an amazing addition you're giving the grandchildren are the ones that end a relationship right with the child as grievances aside the bigger picture. And so the grandkids are the big picture in their relationship with Christ is the big picture plan.

So that's really good christen show ever this fantastic. Thank you for such a strong reminder of the influence of grandparents in the lives of those grandkids and great grandkids. Chris and I so appreciated. Thank you for being with us today enjoy being returned to the listeners well and just reminder the Focus on the Family like a set a moment ago is here for you. We have counselors who can help with talk with you.

We have resources like Christian Shelley's great book and we want to get that into your hands, and I say this often job with your partner with us in ministry. If you can become a monthly partner a one-time gift will send you a copy of the book is our way of saying thank you and if you can't afford it. We are Christian organization.

We want you to have the content will give it to you and will trust others will take care of the cost of that so just get in touch with us and let us know that this will meet a need in your life and that is what were trying to focus phone call away too long ago, we had to call and make a donation said I don't peers hundred dollars for at least three or four people be able to forward were asking you to do that if you can spot as Jim said, we can't afford to donate to the ministry. We understand just reach out to us were phone call away. As I said 800 K in the work-family or click the link so it's behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team. Thanks for joining us today for Focus on the Family I'm John Fuller inviting you back once again help you and Your Family Dr. in Christ for him.

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