Remembering To Have Fun in Your Life

I'm not saying that there are tough issues.

There are tough issues today and we have to face that fact. But in the midst of it. Is there a chance that we could just dance a little worse thing a little better� Jim Burns offering a word of encouragement about the importance of having some fun life to reflect that joy that you have in Christ and would help you slow down and improve your connection with God and others. Today on Focus on the Family. Thank you for joining us on John Fuller in your house to smoke as president and Arthur Jim Daly.

That's a pretty big promise you slow down, improve your relationship with the Lord. I signed up for that will you know one thing is true sometimes we get so busy that were into the doing and we forget about just really living and I think the Lord created this life for enjoyment to not just the tasks of life, you know, we we need to enjoy ourselves while here we get one shot at life right and then were moving on to eternity and that you know like the psalmist says teach us to number our days, that we may have a heart of wisdom.

And I am so looking forward to our discussion today because I think you're right John Morgan to come away with a heart of wisdom. You and I need refreshment. Jim just the other weekend. It was Sunday afternoon. I was thinking what a great Saturday. This is been I'm so glad we have tomorrow Sunday together and we didn't because I spent the whole weekend, so busy, so I really do hope we can slow down joy Jim Burns. He's the president of homeward he's written a number of books including of the one that form the foundation for today's conversation have serious fun and 12 other principles to make each day count the course and get a copy of the book from us. Here are number is 800 K and the word family or stop by the show notes for the link Jim welcomed the Focus on the Family.

It is so good to be with you and it's been a while. I I just love being with you and I love it focused on so great to be with you know your title your book.

I'm thinking about that because I heard somebody who sits on the edge of the bed every morning says okay Lord, here I am reporting for duty and I thought well that's a great way to start the day. But, you know, ending the day and thinking located today count for you, Lord, what a great thing to think about really want is a great thing to think about the fact is that sometimes at night it's better to say Lord you know what we do today. I'm always amazed sometimes at night when I say that I am amazed at what comes up and maybe it's a conversation, just a quick conversation. Or maybe it was a bit of fun that I had in and it's not anything big and grandiose.

Sometimes it's the little things that make the big differences I would say most the time it's the little things does the big things come along every so often right now that's good hey listen, our children.

I know you know this have my way of causing us to do some self-examination that truth and I think your daughter Heidi cause you to question if you were having enough funding your life. What a great thing for your kid to ask if you have enough fun in your life well. She sorta said that it was she implied it was after he reprimanded her for so manning her all the time. At that age of 16. So you know that was just one big reprimand that you're not having enough funding life like me. Yeah what happened on that was counting on redoing bills. I never like doing bills if I have money or not money I don't like the Catholic and I are just looking at each other and were frustrated and all of a sudden Ms. Heidi comes bounding and she's kind of bouncing she just been babysitting her friend Scott and Anita and their kids and she said Scott and Anita are the best parents they are the most fun people there to test their dogs the best.

They're amazing. They told me something I never knew you were there youth pastor dad and we were there youth pastor. They said that you and mom are fun and that you stop you and say what happened was more or less just like you were fun and funny as a people we sorta looked each other on several levels. The next day I realized what I need to be a person who has more fun in life. I'm not that I wasn't fun at times but literally know the Bible even talks about this. You know, a cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit. It zaps your life yes and that's a modern version, but the truth the matter is, is too many times we focus on the negative and we focus on the pressure in the work and we don't stop and have fun and sometimes we just simply need to hold back and say wait let's play together. When I got my PhD I was doing my dissertation on traits of healthy family and one of the traits was played and played builds memories played sometimes opens up a close spirit in a family and so II believe that when you pray together you stay together, but I also believe that when you play together.

I think you have to be intentional about that even during the tough times that I know I agree I you know I look at you and the times I've known you for 20 years and I have always seniors a rather playful fun person. So yeah then I have to pay the bills exactly as I was paying the bills and and you know what I am more of that person and Kathy and I have tried to be like that. And yet the same time we found was that was one of the phrases that I want to teach my kids later on this have serious fun so I think the I think there's some phrases in my life that I want to start passing on an age now I'm starting to think about legacy and that's a phrase I want to teach my children and I want others to say no. You have to be intentional about having fun and I love that. But you know there are serious things that happen in life.

I know you received a cancer diagnosis of years ago you had surgery and I believe everything's cleared up. How did facing that diagnosis change your perspective how I was facing the potential of death. I mean you can take when that happened exactly him and you can take an aspirin that happens with the Dr. said come this afternoon. Bring your wife that's never good news and I ended up being at the city of hope where you know well in Los Angeles and right near where you would've lived at one time and I was there in the night before surgery, I woke up in the middle night and I wrote down 13 phrases that I wanted to past my kids. I never thought about writing a book and I never thought about speaking on my decide what were the phrases that have helped me. I wasn't raised in a Christian home.

I was raised in a dysfunctional family and Kathy and I at that point had been married 37 years now 47 years, but we been married a long time and we were going to make it, but what were those phrases and so have serious fun was kind at the top. I want my kids to have serious fun, but there are other phrases that were important to and it it was when I was facing death, I don't think I thought I was in a.my mother loved it. She said to Kathy you and Jim without a great life you been married for a long time for the future dies, you can still get married to somebody else and have a good life. We got so but for me, these are important things and so facing my mortality. I came up with some thoughts that I had kinda been living by that I wanted to at least get to my kids and grandkids. The Bible talks about generation to generation. But you want. This is my legacy.

I'm going to hand this to them. What were those I mean you Journal them if I read it correctly so you journaled those and you talk to actually spoke to an audience to find out what happened was I told somebody about it and I end up speaking to about 2000 pastors and when I was done with the talk which was just me telling my story they came back on and said not working not take the next workshop per minute, but we can adjust to Q&A because these pastors apparently identified with what I was talking about some of these principles and once the principles came out people just wanted me to speak on a more more more. And so it became kind of what what I would call my life message in my life message wasn't just have serious fun, but it was these these phrases that have been so meaningful to me and I've interacted with them, and I think the scriptural and I think they've been what's help me get to where I am not that I sure the perfect one and will uncover some of those as we go. But you do self-confessed that you fell into that busyness trap.

How many people live there.

I mean I'm just coming off the road after like three weeks so I've been a little tired to sort applies even when you have the knowledge of making sure you have some balance sometimes is out of whack and you can't control and that well speak to that realization for yourself. That man I am in the busy trap I've had to make course corrections all my life.

You drift and once you kinda drift. I would drift toward busyness, and I would drift towards my work and what I had to realize was family was more important than work for me and yet I was always living that way, and there were times when I was busy that I would have to come home and I be thinking myself and my only getting my wife, my only giving my kids, my emotional scraps. Yes, when I'm at work. I'm not giving people.

My emotional scraps as much, but I would come home and so he said to me, and it was actually prophetic.

It was when I graduated from seminary so it's been a long time but he said have cut this phrase for you. You can make it to the graduation. If the devil can't make you bad. You'll make you busy. I was prophetic for me because the devil wasn't a put me in the arms of somebody of another woman wasn't to be able to do the embezzlement. Things are all that what he was to do is get me so busy that I would miss the most important things and I had to learn to say no to good things to say yes to the most important that which is so good, i.e. that happen with me. I mean I was traveling so much at one point I remember when my boys were younger and I did something called the dad's report card. So every time the kids got a report card every quarter. I did a dance report card in my spending enough time with you is one of the seven elements that I had in my report card I member Troy my younger said I think you have a CD for that. Wow he was probably seventh grader and I went okay so we need to change some things. I remember redoing my whole schedule for the next 70 years of the summer, not traveling between Memorial Day and Labor Day now.

Not everybody has that flexibility. I get that but find a way to get that grade corrected. First of all Challenger kids to give you the grade you and actually it's amazing when you have the best people who can give us that grade would be our kids and our spouse. And when we hear that they're probably telling some truth, even though we may not feel that we want to get defensive on it and when we do that and what you did, you made a course correction when you made that course correction Jim that's changing the trajectory of your family and not even realize it was a small course correction but change the trajectory of your family when it created a value perspective for him because I member couple years later had a really busy March and I apologize time sorry and I'm not home as much this month as I want to be set on. That's okay. Summer is right around the corner so I gave him a mechanism to modulate his emotions and he was busy in school and he knew summer was coming and that meant camping together and being together, and that's a good thing.

You have a special notepad. I think that sits on your desk. I've never been able to do that. Maybe it's in my ADD nature. I don't there alongside you � you have three big letters on it. It says a W.

E.

So what is that a.

W. E. It's actually yellow. Now it's a post that's NRA but still there. Yeah, I noted a long time ago and stands for affection, warmth and encouragement and what I wanted to do and I just wrote this one day. It means not some big thing, but I wrote it and I wanted to shower my wife and my kids with affection. I want to shower them with warmth and I want to shower them with encouragement and there's a study at UCLA that says it takes 8 to 10 meaningful touches a day for someone to thrive, taking about affection. But then I realize what I can do that on a different level to I could do that with my wife I could do that with my kids. Different leave then I would do it at work but I keep on my desk for that reason, I want to show people affection you can do that with words.

I want to show people warmth.

My mom was like that. My dad was an alcoholic. My mom was really warm person.

My friends would come by Jim here know he's playing bass ball down the gym. What can I come in and hang out with you and that's my mom so she showed warped and so what I realized was that my circumstance might not change, but I could still show warmth to my family and to friends and then encouragement knows that great theologian Mark Twain who said I can live you know two months on one good complement and I realize was it. I need to be the top cheerleader from my wife. I need to be the top chiller for my kids do that Jim, in a way that sincere expressions of affection and emotion and that a boy that a girl look last week.

He never gone for couple of days.

We are in a wonderful place called Cambria and I decided I would take on just I just wrote 50 reasons why was thankful for. That's good. I know I got some points on that to just tell you guys I did but I wrote that and you know what it was at a time when I was kind of really made a little bug because I want to stay your four nights and she always wanted to stay three nights you know see what I'm saying. So I was a familiar conversation and answer, but I wrote that and you what it didn't change the circumstance but it changed me. And so when I gave that to Kathy. I wasn't expecting anything in return but I I went. While this was really meaningful to her and I'm honest I typed on my computer and I went to the place where we were staying.

I said can I print this and on and I handed it to her and if she looked at those I could see that her face changed and I really had a ministry to her but you know it was more part I already done the ministry toward me. By doing that most partly think and you and I need to practice them all around here for you to be on this trip. Let's practice some and I think I think you do it intentionally, you speak to the listener. You know where here she is going through tough time and it's difficult to laugh. It's difficult to have a light spirit because of hard things happening and maybe the differentiator is the person it's always in that kind of gloomy mood definitely needs to reconsider that but just having bad circumstances. Sometimes hard to just pick yourself up down and I don't think it was just fake it till you make it time right thing.

But the truth is when II mentioned this in the book where I talk about your circumstance may not change, but your attitude can change, but the way you get there. Tell your story Johnny Erickson Todd, who I love and I know you love her and she's an amazing woman.

At 19 she became paralyzed and she's been confined to a wheelchair. What people don't know sometimes she's lived with a huge amount of pain a lot of difficulty. One day I was on the other side of the mic and I was interviewing her.

I had a radio show. You're the pro I was like junior varsity but I had I had Johnny Cummins comes rolling and I knew she had practically tough week and I just put all my notes aside and I said Johnny, how do you manage and she had a long pause John you know that radio, this is not a good thing and her paws was like 22nd and then she looked up and she said you know Jim, the Bible says give thanks in all things and in all circumstances, for this is the will of God. And then she said, and that's become my reflex reaction Johnny, tell me about the reflex reaction is honesty had a tear. She must've just touched my soul and a tear coming down my cheek. I said tell me about reflex reaction. She says want just on for so long that it's become my reflex reaction, and he was a woman who her circumstance and change lot pain a lot of issues in life, but she had chosen joy in the midst of tough circumstances. This means that she was always could have joint know know she there were moments when she had to be in deep pain and was just trying to get by, but it was that reflex reaction to what I'm saying is just like we do and work are we doing other things can we have reflex reactions that cause us joy in the midst of tough circumstances and I think that's where people are successful and you know it's important, there's that she's choosing that direction. She saying I'm not can it be captive to my circumstance, although she's a quadriplegic. Yes, but in her heart she saying I'm in a choose aspirational. He to love the Lord to thank him for what's happened and then keep moving front and she epitomizes that she is an amazing personal writing you not today. This morning I had a little time in the morning and and I write down every morning.

I do ask adoration, confession, Thanksgiving supplication, I write Michael Journal today.

I wrote down 20 reasons why was like black.

She mentioned both your names I mentioned Focus on the Family get mentioned. Every day, but by your but I wrote those downs and you my certain my circumstances change, but it actually improved my attitude was practicing thanks therapy will that's what people do over and over again do that today repeated tomorrow. Do it for the next 60 years.

From your circumstance may not change for your attitude is going to change for the better. And that's what I wanted to get across to my children, especially you. When I start writing down some of the phrases that were helping me when I think we can be easily agitated in the modern culture is again social made another access to information. We do stay agitated all the time to personally cut you off on the road which happened to me yesterday.

I decided I will go do any I'm sorry was that you listen you have a quote by Vivian Greene. I don't know if you know it off the top your habit I read it and because I loved it. My heart really resonated with this.

She said that life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain man ice so file when I look up at that poster poster that I have no doubt I I-frame it's very important versus dance in the rain turned to dance in the rain and I can I'm not saying that there are tough issues. There are tough issues today and we have to face that fact. But in the midst of it, isn't there a chance that we could just dance a little, or sing a little yeah make a better I think the challenge of Jim something here that that's in a particular spot in their life. It's hard it's difficult and they're going forget you guys you don't know what I'm live in, and I think we do because both of us had really difficult childhoods. He came up from my daughter and there is something you should be able to learn from the circumstances and that is how to dance when it's not going well. I think the Lord smiles because he knows he's got your heart when you're able to give him thanks and to glorify him in the midst of something not so good.

You're right I'm seeing that right now with my wife. My wife Kathy.

She was at City Hall in the summer with cancer, breast cancer and what's so interesting about Kathy and she's just gone through the radiation.

She's doing good. And there we are working on the medication.

All that but it drew her closer to God. So sometimes our pain and our hurt. It didn't take away her cancer, but it really did draw her close to God.

She's such a rock. If you would any of the Scripture talks about building your house on the rock or on the sand to build your house on sand. The rain and wind are going to come, whether you have a rocker sent a she's she has her house on the rock, and social.

It's bending a little bit.

It's focusing her in great ways. And guess what she's doing. She's she's investing more time with the ward she's investing more time with our kids. She's investing more time with our grandkids. She's investing more time with me and that's a good thing right.

She was your speaking, I'm smiling because I'm I'm thinking back to his season were just reflecting on your daughter wondering where the fun went. I think some of the fun for us went out the door as my kids because it doesn't rain a lot here in Colorado but literally there were rain storms. When my kids couldn't wait to go out and play because it was just fun and I think I've lost a little bit. I think I found some encouragement just from what you guys are Sharon from your own lives and from from illustrations like Vivian Greene's quote right, and even in the empty nest phase. Sometimes people say what's on Fontenot United" Billy Crystal from city slickers. It's not exactly a Christian movie, but he said you know when I get to this age, I'm just going to be your walk around the mall looking for the best. Nope soft yogurt and mumbling. When the kids got a call one of the kids got a call and I laugh because in a certain stage or phase you can do that instead of going hey let's go have a blast.

We have more freedom than we ever have is a couple or whatever. So let's enjoy that time.

Instead, we sometimes filled up with wrong stuff yet so Trish you say that attitude and discipline are keys to making the most of every day. I totally agree with that but again, how do you practice in such a way that you can in make it part of their natural attitude. Gal. One of the phrases that has helped me is it's light has pain so it's either the pain of discipline or the pain of regret think you guys neither one of you said anything when I came into the studio but I do working out with weights. I got some pain of discipline like I got some soreness right look really good. Thank you for calling the radio right but the pain of regret is right here. My holding my stomach here and so I think that's the natural part we have to have the pain of discipline that comes with our relationship with God with our realistic with her family. With so many things we have the pain of regret and I think that plays into our attitude as well.

I've needed to understand. I just can't let go. Let great goals and though I don't copy my goals I want to lose weight for years I've learned I had to make habits around those goals and radios now doesn't that doesn't work, but the habits help me. Once I do those habits and once they become part of my life than they help me with those goals and that changes and helps my attitude and that's good. In fact, you have an acronym smart SM a RT would've those five delegates for what setting goals and I've been setting these goals in mice live in a small group of 21 years. We always have goals and then I learned that they have to be smart, specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time bound and for the time bound. What that means for me is that I need to have a a time when I can really be held accountable with I need accountability with some of these things, and when that happens, and I do those and then I make habits out of those.

That's when the goals look better and do better not even happen with me with weight recently but it also helps you with my realistic with God. It helps me with my relationship with my spouse, Mike.

It's definitely does and I think right here at the end that's the big question Jim for the people that this may come a little more naturally. Maybe they have the gift of joyfulness and then there's others that don't interest part of their makeup. You know there down to business. This life is hard and I'm in a get through it and so speak to both of those people, one that may have a reservoir of joy. How do they not squash other people with their overwhelming joy and then on the other side how to develop that reservoir you will join us, not happiness.

A lot of people have happiness because they told big joker there outgoing or whatever but joy I think comes from relationship with Christ. I only do the know who have a relationship with Christ have a deeper sense of joy and yes there are people who are more optimistic. I'm an optimist, but there are also people who are what I call and by the way, you can look this up in the dictionary there called awful misers, awful lasers you know my husband's late from work again is probably having an affair. Are you know our son is going to impregnate the entire class is only in fifth grade, that would be an awful lasers right and those people have to make sure that they're not focusing just on the negative.

The same way to get joy is to connect on a deeper relationship with God and I'm not trying to set make that sound simplistic. I'm saying that God is the God of joy and God is the God who gives us this happiness and he wants us to have a life that is related to him and when were related to him that I think there is a sense of joy and we don't have to be negative Nancy are negative. Ned doesn't mean that it's always good to be positive, but we have to learn to have what I like to call positive adaptability and that's going to be something that is life-changing. It sure has been for me yet. It's about attitude.

That's what you're really going after his attitude is in Christ, etc. but again you're 13 elements your 13 principles have serious fun attitudes. Everything find replenishing relationship set excellent goals and create workable habits glorified. Enjoy God while serving him forever.

That's just organic fuel and will post the 13 at the website.

If we let you do that absolute and man would like to get you a copy of Jim's book have serious fun and 12 other principles to make each day count and the if you can make a gift to Focus on the Family that would be a fun way to participate in ministry is working to turn that right into saving a marriage helping save the life of the baby, why not send a gift and if you do that monthly. That's great. But one time gift is good as well and will send you a copy of Jim's book as our way of saying thank you. It really is a great resource and smile when you give us a call at 800 the letter a in the word family 800-232-6459 stop by the episode notes for all the thank you so much. This is been great.

It's kind of lighten my load of leg raise so much great to be with you and thanks again for what you are so grateful that you could join us today for Focus on the Family on behalf of Jim Daly and the rest of the team plan to join us next time. As once again help you and your family thrive in Christ, everything about Maria actually worked and learn reaching teen girls right where they're at with encouragement well in their faith story magazine about getting way I have is really inspiring and lifting help your team invite into her everyday experience with premium.

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