Giving Children A Voice In Family Structure Debate

Nearly universally recognized right to both their mother and father, and increasingly right are in jeopardy.

This is family policy with NC family Pres. John Weston thanks for joining us this week for family policy matters. I think we would all agree that for those of us who are parents the well-being of our children is always a top priority up more and more these days.

However, conversations about rinsing and family formation are becoming more focused on the desires of adults rather than on the fundamental rights and the needs of children at times it seems, even the children could almost become a commodity in the discussion about the type of family adults want and desire.

There's a new organization called them before us that is recently been founded to bring greater attention to this issue and to put the focus back on the fundamental rights and well-being of the children were joined today by them before us, founder and director Katie Faust.

After working for the largest Chinese adoption agency in the world. Katie began her public campaign in 2012 to change the tenor of the debate surrounding all things family in favor of the rights of children. Katie welcome to family policy matters.

It's great to have you with us on the show and having it done. Okay, thanks for being with us now. Tell us about the underlying problem is you see it with many of today's conversations about family and parenting. I think that your marital agreement that narrator parents that are allotted to make that work. Anything you not even including abortion. The discussion always focuses on the desires that the adult desires of adult take center stage and often times the children are an appetite with Bentley Dare to whatever it is that the adult you know are pursuing a major problem that the major problem because especially when it comes to family structure.

Children have nearly universally recognized right to both their mother and father, and increasingly right are in jeopardy. So Katie, how did this new organization than before us come to be in and what is your mission to be a group of adults were advocating for the rights of children and reconnecting about it because when I started writing about that back in 2012 around the marriage debate I pulling my hair felt like everybody was talking about what adults wanted.

Nobody was talking about how marriage has been the most child friendly institution.

The world has ever known because it brings together these three social emotional staples of a child and the love of their mother. The left of their father and stability. No other institution that done. And all of our connotations around marriage. We were just talking about the desires of adult training both in terms of language that had to do with adult write a right to marry or write. Head or whatever that was. And very few people were discussing the rights of children or the needs of children and told one journey I connected with a lot of children who had missed out on the fundamental right, specifically kids with same-sex parent but then moving into the world of kids who are donor conceived children who suffered through a divorce and lock the full or partial relationship with one of their parents there and after working with Ted on for 20 years old that when a kid able to be honest, really the most painful experiences that they go through in life can almost always be traced back to losing their mother or father or the destruction that goes along with a divorce so the fact that these fundamental issues are being ignored and the voices of the kids were being ignored. I did think of the massive injustice, and so I've collected several other incredible advocate. People who are willing to stand up and speak up about that many of them are children themselves children of divorced children with lesbian or gay or transgender parent. Children who are donor conceived. Who said you know what this meant that adults are making that prioritize their own desire above the rights of children harmful to kids and we need some kind of formal body need some kind of formal organization on behalf of this population that can't advocate for themselves, so that what done before us is all about them children before us adult and not the idea really excited about it. You say that there is recalls for nearly all of our social problems and it begins with children in their homes explaining about what you mean by that right. You know I got dear, dear friends who are on the left side of the political spectrum for very learned about poverty and homelessness and falling academic success among students, high incarceration rate, teen pregnancy on the major social ills that we are fighting at the society. If you look at the root cause of all of them you will find a common factor and that is family breakdown weekly fatherlessness. Now fatherlessness that the is the main way that we he this loss of children's rights manifest in our culture today and that had massive implications for the individual children are disproportionately at risk, but for all Friday. I mean 90% of homeless and runaway youth are fatherless 1785% of prison inmates came from the fatherless home 53% of teenagers who commit suicide and father is a four times more likely to grow up in poverty. If there other left everything that were cackling from you. No childhood obesity to addiction to behavioral issues.

Almost all of these can be found or are greatly complicated by the fact that these kids are struggling with losing a relationship with one or both parents or struggling through the instability of not having a mom and dad letting them together and came home and so I told my friend on the last I say I'm I am for all of these solutions.

All of these causes, but you will not get what you want so mean we can't keep throwing money at the problem you know we can't keep enlarging our institution, we have to fix the one institution that children can't live without the family, you're listening to policy matters a resource for him to listen to our radio show online, and for more resources that will be a voice of persuasion in your community.

Go to our website and see family.org so how does the definition of parenthood which seems to be in relatively constant flux today factor in told well you culturally we have been treating children as commodities for a while. Right thinking that while the adults are happy to write. I think that with the justification for a long time went adult for considering unilateral or no-fault divorce, and now we got decades of social science to show us that not only untrue, but it incredibly detrimental to children even and according put the divorce, even where there just letting time between both parents and I haven't lost the full relationship with dad or mom. We still see that children of divorce struggle for life in the most critical areas you know from their own relationships and marriages to work to mental health felt for a long time. We have to put up conceptualize culturally children and the weight where we treated them as commodities to be cut and pasted into any adult relationship. And now in law, you know, we are seeing that that really takes more you know, earlier this year in Washington state. We had they passed the uniform parentage act, which completely redefined it literally said that if you have the means to acquire sperm and egg and will you can manufacture child into existence and you can be the legal parent that child regardless of whether or not you got a genetic connection with that child's appearance.

It has moved away from, or is moving away from I'm being based on a biological connection which is critical to child well-being and child right now we're moving in the direction of parents had been based on intent. I intend to parent the child. Therefore, I should be other legal parent now as somebody who has a background in adoption, it would be complete now practice to place the child with an unrelated adult who intends to parent them. Why, because in the adoption world. We understand that unrelated adult pose a pretty serious risk to child well-being and that nonbiological caregiver do not statistically provide the same level of security and benefit nurture attachment and permanent in the life, the children, and one night in adoption. We have developed decades of best practice where we vet and screen potential. So you know we have taken culturally what's going on with his disregarding the rights of children to both parent and now we are codifying it into law school and I believe you characterized it as when speaking about the will is is increasingly viewing children as objects of rights rather than subjects of right so I thought that was very insightful. What that means that instead of kneeling children at people who have right to be respected and protected.

We see them as something that is owed to adult right rather than playing this child has a natural right to both biological parents, as is recognized in the UN convention on the rights of the child, which is the most widely ratified treaty in the world rather than viewing children. That way we think and I don't want something so bad that now children are increasingly viewed as something to which adult barcode and therefore you know their natural right to one or both parent is intentionally severed so that adults can have what they want, so do children and adults for that matter, who survived a myriad of difficult family situations as you describe what role do they have in these conversations and what are they saying to you and others who were involved in the smooth central role that the main reason why we held in the marriage debate is because we focused too much on the adult we didn't give children the center stage for their lives that were talking about when anything happened with marriage and parenthood. No doubt be adult have something to say. But it's really the kids. I bet are going to be most impacted for the long term and while there are definitely stories out there kids who were conceived through a sperm donor who don't have any problem with that our kids were raised by two monster to dad to think that it was great. The reality is that there is a huge population of kids who feel like losing a relationship with one or both of their parents often intentionally developed because the lifelong wound up crying and so I am honored to have friends and fellow advocate who grew up in situations like who are now taking the lead and saying I'm you know those children who experienced the loss. Those children whose rights were violated. Those children who needs works put aside so that adults could prioritize their own desired. Those children should take center stage when ever we discussed issue. The family structure doing you know we have collected a story bank on our website of children of divorce and abandonment children who are conceived using sperm donors and certainly a donors on our going to be joining us as they age and children conceived a donors children who have been conceived through the circuit but we got a story bank on our website. We think people should have to look in the face of the kids that are affected and say yeah no big deal, you're right for Dr. Fife that an adult could happen if they want. I think that when lawmakers and even just our friends in the culture when they see the actual cost to the stories and the study and to turn the tide really was going to make people stand up and take note and really reevaluate Jesus you will expect that is the case, and I know that many of our listeners would be interested in where they can go to learn more about them before us into access valuable resources that you talk about why will not fight them before us.com jump on the very bottom and get our email update and you know what to be producing crime and videos always collecting your story. I'm ensuring about items in the news that we are going to try to reframe so that we can look at all of these developments whether celebrity divorce or new policy. We look at this issue through the lens of the children if they can find all of that other website done before us.com you know we need as many people as possible on board with this mission because it can affect everyone that Katie Faust unfortunately were out of town for this week's but I want to thank you so much for being with us on family policy matters in for your strong commitment to prioritizing the rights and needs of children in our culture around the globe like so much family policy matters a production of NZ only to listen to our radio show online for more valuable resources and information about issues important to families in North Carolina go to our website and see family.org and follow us on Twitter and Facebook