Fathers and the Family

But all the contribution involved children by an active body will be a good father will take her will make the kind complaint is family policy matters, a weekly radio show and Comcast from see family designed to better inform listeners about the issues of the day and encourage you to be voices of persuasion for family values in your community and now your host and see family Pres. John Rustin thank you for joining us for family policy matters. This is the time of year that we give special recognition to mothers and fathers, and may we celebrate Mother's Day in in June we celebrate Father's Day more than just an opportunity to give cards and gifts these days really commemorate the love and appreciation we have for parents and the tremendous impact they have on our lives more than that. However, mothers and fathers play a critical role in the stability and overall structure of our families and society. While this may seem quite obvious. The importance of mothers and fathers cannot be overstated. During this additional family policy matters were going to explore the important role that fathers play in the lives of their children today are joined by Dr. Pat Fagan, director of the marriage and religion research initiative or Mary which is dedicated to delivering robust social science data on the impact of marriage and religious practice on the lives of adults and children and on the future of the nation among his volumes of work in the areas of marriage, family, child development, and religion.

Dr. Fagan has published a series on the faces of the father-son relationships which will be talking about today. Dr. Fagan walk about the family policy matters. It's great to have you with us on the show again. Very good. Thank you Dr. Fagan I know you have spent decades studying, researching and writing and speaking about marriage, parenting and family, but this is not just a vocation for you. I know it's a real passion in is the father of eight children, you bring a wealth of personal insights and experience to the table. If I may, I love to ask you to give just a brief introduction into your own story to our listening audience was your family life like growing up, and then as a husband and father and our grandfather while I grew up with two great current working class in Dublin. My father was a truck driver in the neighborhood was filled with similar families, everybody. Everybody went to church every Sunday and everybody was married so compared to the day was absolutely idyllic. The friend I made.

I still didn't go back that I grew up with when to Catholic schools all the way through. So I had pretty we we regarded ourselves not cooler but don't port enough by dad Bev and dad had seven children. So raising children at truck drivers, but we did it and it was great. I was blessed with them.

I remember my father died. I remember talking to others.

I had never myself. My sister said she had cheated, but I had never seen my parents argue which is a tremendous gift if they did. I'm sure they didn't but they did behind closed doors. They never we never saw disunity between the we prayed as a family we worshiped as a family. I do remember the key incident 66 television came into Ireland on the East Coast about to get TV beamed across from the United Kingdom, but we didn't have her on national TV that came in and 66, everybody called audit TV and I have never been non-in the living room in this with this new instrument I remember to three days into it by mother thing I don't like this I'm losing my family thought and insight will I think that probably shows just the closeness of your family and the interruption that that that device brought into the home. And of course we see that in so many ways these days about technology and just incredible. Obviously you have had what many would consider to be relatively large families both growing up and also of your own, and I know you have a lot of experiences in the context of those families summarize for us if you would what the research shows about the just really profound impact that fathers have on their children in the lives of their families.

It is the profoundest. Later, course, the mother the mother is biologically tied to the baby intimately for at least a year and 1:45 years between the pregnancy and the whole catharsis of the birth canal and giving birth.

You know that awful pain immediately followed by that magnificent joy holding her new child and then the breast-feeding questions got laid. Also today, so nothing comes from the relationship of a mother to a child father could never attain that he has a very different role and has a very important role. Mother provides the family father build the family. The two together course with great marriage is needed for a great family, but the father's contribution bombs to his children by an act of the will. I will be a good father will take care of but I will make the time to play with and most important phase course and everything in life is the earliest phase most important phase, the father with the child that those first years because that's when the deep friendship of the deep attachment can be formed, but the veto he plays in the rates of the weight of the play whatever way comes naturally to the kid meant to him.

The mother lays the basis of the mother makes reality of the world comfortable for the child than the father brings the child gradually out into the world, but you have to trust and the deeper the trust the more the child will follow.

Take the father's direction and trust him to lead in the right direction son or daughter listening to a radio show and cast from the same family you can sign up to receive and to listen to Michelle online explains anyone signing, namely, 19 Dr. Fagan from your research and experience talking about the unique role that fathers play in the lives of their daughters and also in the lives of their signs. Now is the father of a daughter and a son, myself certainly experience the different ways that I interact and relate to each of my children and it is different. Talk about a little bit well because the daughter is female that dictates a huge different relationship then the sun is male and they can learn to be male from his father. The daughter later learns to be female from mother but what she gets particularly from the father is the affirmation that is rejoicing in seeing her grow into a wonderful and maturing female. She is the apple of his eye, so she draws immensely on his regard for that.

That's the big gift he gives her the father with the daughter with the sun. It's very different.

The way I would sum it up, and where my work is bringing me huge task of the father has modern and future father's their task getting bigger because cultures are being evaporated and the flattening of cultures, the eradication of cultures between the pill and the digital and industrial movement.

Everything cultures are just been wiped out across the world, particularly in their capacity to transmit the sexual mores from one generation to the next and as a result it's going to fall heavier than ever before in all of human on fathers and mothers of fathers to transmit to their son. Mother to their daughters how to be a great husband and a great father.

It is up to future father's to take the sexual education of their son into the hall because what's been transmitted outside is toxic and poisonous.

So there different phases. The earliest phase he binds himself with hoops of steel and affection to his son when it's easiest. The first four years. How does he do it to play in rejoicing in the sun keeps it upside 678 by the time he's getting around eight, nine, and this is a judgment call. He'll have his first talk with his sons about the sexual he may have answered other questions, but he deliberately get them ready for adolescents in the light way that's again a judgment call. He also have to very early protective because now by eight years of age. Most boys have been exposed to pornography. The environment is saturated with the father has to have inoculated limited got prepared and that a court of these moving into puberty is got to get ready for the all the changes that will take place, and if the sun really trusts his father. He will listen to. If the father isn't close to his son, long before he comes adolescent when he gets time to talk to him someone listen and he will listen to someone else and that's why I'm so many levels. The father has to be attached to his son and then he'll teach him what's going to happen to him and then he'll teach him how to overcome the temptations or if he slips her fall very easy area for people to slip how you get back up and then he teaches his son how he the father deals with these temptation do you see that that's father-son of the character of that father-son relationship is passed down from generation to generation.

In other words, is one father's approach to marriage and parenting often handed down to the next generation because we is as sign certainly learn from our fathers and do the positive characteristics that are instilled often get handed down from generation to generation, and likewise do the negative characteristics of those relationships or that training or fatherhood potentially get passed down to the next generation but without a doubt, the marriage between mother and father is the big sexual educator.

A great marriage educate so much. The kids just absorb subconsciously, unconsciously, like sponges. It just seeps in and so many messages are given undelivered. That is by far the strongest sexual patient anybody get for good or ill, so, yes, but the good news is, if something bad happens all people have a sense of where true happiness lies about good and so many men and women have come out of broken families where things went wrong between the parents, but they been able to through all sorts of good things happening the grace of God, good friends, good relatives reading good books, get on the right path and I'm determined I am going to have a good marriage and gradually figure out how to do it happens generation. So yes to your question good is transmitted so to lose the bad but the bed can be overcome. And of course the good could be neglected and cast aside. Each generation builds on the one before, but each generation takes its own responsibility and has to begin doing it on heavy lifting in your opinion, what is the most important thing a father can teach or seek to instill in his son, the love of his wife. Without a doubt that everything the whole point of it all is that his son is going to become a great husband.

Bottom line, we could go on and on and and love to do that, but unfortunately were just about out of time. But before we go. I do want to give you an opportunity to let our listeners know where they can go to learn more about the topics that we've been discussing today and about your great research and work at at Mary that's right at the place to go is Mary Evan a double or high married marriage and religion research Institute.US and then if you go to the blogs.

You see a lot but that metal lead you into all sorts of data I think it's true to say it's a treasure trove of the social sciences. The issues of marriage and family and religion excellent will encourage our listeners to get to visit that website again.

That's MAR I Mary .us and Dr. Pat Fagan without a lot of thank you so much for being with us again on family policy matters and for sharing your great insights, both personal and professional on the topics of marriage and parenting were so grateful for the work that you do and just pray God's blessings on you and on Mary into the future. Thank you very much. This been a real pleasure.

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