Brant Hansen: Unoffendable–and Why It Matters

Do you feel like I am an easily offended person. Now what now you're not here. Not very defendable ever kill until what you are behind the wheel and this other person comes out here. What happens to me. I don't know it's scary.

It is scary. Everybody offends me little drivers welcome to family life today. We want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I man Wilson Dave Wilson you can find this@familylifetoday.com or on the family for his family life today. Why are we talking about this as about being offended today are actually being undefended. We got Brent Hansen in the studio little book called on defendable yacht yard he want to jump in a sort offended me that you little car intro so relatable related traffic is a great place a call traffic forgiveness practice.

I will do a good job at very low leverage like if we think we should get angry and stay angry on why here's a chance to actually practice the forgiveness has been extended to me by God your angel you write is now the stars that nobody knew what he teaches about this. Generally yeah Dallas will doctors of anger is American Christians biggest problem because they're not taught out of why no one talks about it. It's always a negative for humans in Scripture. I thought there was a good, righteous anger that was supposed to have, and I was searching the Scriptures, trying to find it's not in there.

We all teach this take righteous anger. Yes I say this welcome to show the like, you immediately. Here's one thing I got asked about is a radio personality host.

I didn't know this till I read your bio you've one personality of the year you several times to me. I thought we were the personality.

No telling listeners what you do, you're on your way I'm syndicated on Christian radio stations on the show, but the irony of that is I don't really have much of personality off their coffee. Basically, we are who we are only here me my producer Sherry robs believers is pretty raw in the system were real honest about our own faith. Where were going to have a growing trend pursue God. And we also laugh a lot. But I think that's just it is not smooth and the show show sounds like human friend something more because that's what they want think that I think is one don't want to be real.

Yeah, that's what I love talking about this kind of stuff because this is the life we all experience that I didn't know what to do with my anger was like. So how long must post a standard list of two weeks three weeks. How long does righteous anger go forever. Just curious to my grave. Let's talk about why we say righteous anger and that's okay because we all say that lightly. Christians are known for. Yes, like our calling. Supposed to be righteously angry you can't find it in the Bible. Here's what's fascinating. I did this to and if you're thinking this cannot be right. I understand that but I would encourage easier listening to maintain open my realizing that we may learn things as we get older that God may show us new things otherwise were always stuck in our same old way of thinking luckily entertain the idea that maybe this is a possibility. And you can decide.

But the Scripture that always comes up. The people he would grant Britta says right there in the Bible in your anger do not send patients to Asians for 26 okay at times so it is true that we can get angry that that happens the rest of the first nobody memorizes what it is to not let the sun go down on your anger. Do not let the sun go down on your anger and let the give the devil, photo five verses later same paragraph. Do not be angry out of that we take away. I should be angry is telling us to get if you get angry, get rid of before the sun goes down in the Bible's very consistent about that righteous anger is God's anger. He's entitled things. I'm not he can handle things. I can't like conventions. For instance, that's not for me. Best for him ultimate judgment.

That's not for me, for I am a sinner so I have to forgive as God has forgiven me and when I look and see what Jesus is. Don't look out bloodied, the cross was how grisly that was if I say that was for me. How in the world by then turn around and decide that I righteously able to judge my anger is righteous and pure.

Even though my own motives, pulses and prescriptions for so what were actually supposed to do is acknowledge that there is right and wrong.

There is injustice that needs to be dealt with when that's was to get angry and stay angry about it is not what Scripture ever says told get rid of our anger, were supposed to do is think of forgiveness which means releasing our right to anger in light of the fact that God has forgiven us. It's radical, it's different.

It's called denying yourself every day picking up your own cross.

It's difficult but you know it's more difficult of forgiveness is living a life of unforgiveness and bitterness and anger and it will literally kill you physiologically. So when God is saying get rid of anger for the sun go down. It's actually brilliant and loving and tender and it helps us to thrive, so can't we be angry at situations without being angry that people like and thinking about being in Nepal and seeing the sex trafficking going on and rescuing girls seeing these girls come out of the sex trafficking business angry that this is happened to them and I get angry. I did get angry at the people that have done this to them.

You wouldn't say that's a righteous anger now because your center every day ever to assist me to yeah so the reality is if you believe Jesus in the sermon on the mount. He levels the moral playing field and he says forgive, you won't be forgiven like so the idea that will bear so bad but I am not as bad. Therefore my anger is righteous and I know for a fact were never told that so do we want to address injustice yeah we do it without anger and affect whatever we do with anger. We can do better without you grieve the situation.

We know it's unjust.

Martin Luther King Jr. is a great example because he address injustice he believes what I'm saying. Jesus makes no distinction between righteous and unrighteous anger. He's not allowed anger.

MLK said that Woodhouse was firebombed because God has forgiven him. We can address injustice better without it. In fact, should police be angry all the time they're dealing with injustice over the place now because they do their job worse. If there angry. Same thing with judges. We want them acting out of these people are charged with justice like note, you act to do the right thing out of love and it may involve like infants situation please will you have to use physical force whatever force you need to defend the innocent unit out of angry Dukas right thing.

So is it sort of nuts in semantics, but is it a different way to think of it because I when you're saying that brand of sink in holy discontent. I was thinking. There are times when you're discontented about a situation in injustice with the holy part is I'm going to deal with it in a graceful, loving the whole leeway, but it's discontent. It's like you could call it anger but it's not. I'm not let it get to a place where I'm mad, here's what I am upset to the point where I can't let anything happen anymore. I'm gonna do something so I feel like it's a holy motivation will the Bible is very clear about anger for humans. It's get rid of it. It's never listed as a fruit of the spirit Masonic love, joy, peace, anger, goodness for what somehow goes in the next list always.

We always want to shoehorn it and have it sometimes, but you won't be able to make that argument scripturally. So if you want to say were discontented at the state of the world's absolutely sure. But anger is the will to harm. Ultimately that's why some ways angry at me. I instantly feel hurt if you can tell somebody in traffic is angry at you, you automatically have an emotional reaction to that as we understand anger what I'm talking about, but I believe it is why were allowed to get angry at the first sex was get rid of its fight or flight response to a stimulus, we feel threatened. So as a believer, I do think as we get to be more mature believers, we do get less defendable because we realize I don't have mostly threatened about the guy who cuts me off and I'm 20 was better than me to get to the food faster than a quicksand that I will have that primal reaction is getting in line to get to the food I will have any or something like that. This primal rash can cut off as you get older.

Hopefully go.

I know humans are broken. I'm not shocked by human behavior anymore.

I don't get cut off, driven before. I know what this is like so not shocked anymore, which is Jesus. He knows human nature even says there's a scripture where it says no one had to tell Jesus what they were thinking he knew what men were like the higher you know we are. If were Christians wearing no human nature but to constantly live in shock. I can't believe my mom said I cannot believe she said acutely.

She said it like how long she's been staying saying stuff like that. 48 years. So go ahead and believe it. The humans are broken.

I am to and when at the beginning of the day you commit yourself to forgive whoever comes cross my path and not to be shocked and scandalized over and over again that was going on to live that way the terrible way to live in constant fight or flight mode.

Also, if you're angry like I'm just angry at the world for whatever that'll show up in your relationships at home having everywhere. It will destroy things so I think that's where were supposed to get rid of it accounted like Jesus did.

Father forgive them in on what are doing now. You are always believing this way you open the way first chapter you know here about being a person. It's not defendable you like this most ridiculous thing ever heard someone walk us through this journey had to get here so be on the radio.

People will be offended by the host doesn't matter if you're Christian or mainstream radio ever can't make you happy so we get some of these complaints and every time you really pretty pretty harsh and they were ridiculous so I would be like. I can't believe these people can't believe this person said it had dawned on me like this was say mad about that letter or email. I got again. When do I forgive that's what set me in the Scripture try that I was asking a question on here genuinely like okay we saw this crime that happened in our city is terrible. They were all angry but windy when we supposed to let that go. Anger part and nobody knew the answer but if it's righteous anger, how long we keep it and I've struggled with that in trying to find answers and the answer in the Bible is were not entitled to it at all. This is what forgiveness is, is letting that go.

It's very difficult and people look at horrible stuff that happens in the world and I understand that there's a guy in the book that I wrote about him secretes him from Cambodia his entire family was murdered. He survived, he was thrown into the grave with them.

12 of them. He climbed out at night and dedicated the rest of his life defining those guys again killing them, and he became a believer and he had to wrestle with my whole life is been built on this know what way do what is Jesus wanting to realize I forgive these people. It doesn't make what they did.

Okay, this is not relativism. This is the gospel is being a person who walks in the way of Jesus, but he realized it's apparently following Jesus means I have to be like him, and there is no thing where I get to be act like I'm God and yet we are living in a timing culture right now. Where were more offended than we have ever been in our lives and were all talking about how offended we are on social media. We think it's righteous rights in and in its mainstream people to the secular. It's religious. We think it's really righteous to get angry and we think it helps only thing our thoughts. You know, they've shown that this is so interesting is shown that people this was a study in British Columbia University are stated. Patient people that tweet the most about stuff. Do the least really made a correlation between people like give to causes and they think it's because if you've tweeted angrily about something you actually feel righteous. Maybe that you're helping. I did my work yet myself on the back.

Look what I've done and you're less likely actually do something but we like to hear ourselves opine would like to hear ourselves go off like it worked into a self-righteous frenzy and it doesn't help if not helping is not working is to be sent on to see if Christians were the defendable ones, like we know we know the world's broken wrists to address injustice to do what's right below the non-angry presence in the world that looks like Jesus to me. If they don't like us don't come after assuming that's they came after Jesus, but it sure looks different for the ones who are offended no one else that way that other worldly. It is like were on to something. Yeah were not anxious were not angry. Part of me wants to ask is I'm guessing a lot of people are thinking what I'm thinking how how do we get from feeling great. Enraged, maybe it's justified because something is wrong and I get angry or I've been hurt yet again that often turns anger is our process.

I don't just blink and it's gone.

I've got to get to you forgiveness how to get there. There's only one way I think. I think it's been my experience even unlike Ted talks on this yeah watch one of his great talking audiences are in its early believers.

But I have to tell them at some point like my resources. Jesus in my status with God. That is the only real way.

I think the forgive because you have to reminder so if you live in this constant gratitude for what God has done for you.

That's it.

Constantly thankful that God forgave me and out of that I forgive others.

Without that resource I don't know how people do it another thing people.

Here's like what if it's an abusive relationship process is been a have to just stay in the relationship is forgiven. I think no never means that if you don't forgive someone you are staying in relationship with them in your head for the rest your life.

Forgiveness is the way to freedom. Yeah so you let go of the anger you want to stay in their personal relational orbit forever, but if you want to move on with your own peace and be a person who is at peace you can have to let go of that anger in the only resource I think you have just got forgive me.

I was yet a center. Look what he is done on the cross for me. That's it. So it's a constant rehearsing of that in your mind a gratitude every day that allows you to extend that forgiveness to other people, even before they do stuff so it's it's a way of life.

But if you're asking how do I do this that's it and does it work yes it does. This will change you over time.

Just like any discipline had he seen that in your own life totally because I'm laughing at your chapter titles. Q everyone Canadian me how many times have I said that in the car might be something that you've learned. Because this pleasant you at the beginning or default decision is me and remind everybody to like this forces us in the humility and repentance every day. Every man you really think the idea that I am right about everything. It lets us listen better. There's a big objection to want to bring up this week we talked about Jesus himself. Obviously we will Jesus in the temple yeah yeah angry hear that a lot and he would call that righteous anger. It is God's anger is righteous. Yeah, he's not a center but my friend Sherry says that's interesting.

She said honey you a Jesus in the story for the money change. We all really on the perfect would come in that I know everything about what's in everyone's heart and motives like we're the ones in then Jesus goes and dies for them days later. If you Jesus and the story on the cross saying father forgive them.

They don't want to doing and I know it hurts and I know it's hard but it doesn't hurt as much is going through life trying to be bitter and judgmental into siding constantly should I forgive that person not yet okay anger for two weeks here now seeks like it's a much better way of living is freeing and will change your character.

I think you become more Christlike. So actually what it is his discipleship. Have you been to a place where you are. Like I am really struggling with getting this person totally often it happens because people just people stuff. The weird thing is for me to be again constantly shocked that people would do stuff when I met him I am up my own heart is unfaithful like why would I expect other people to my thinking here interest in life.

Somebody joked when they saw the premise for the book on defendable or likely most of never going through the problems in life and like the opposite effect exactly exactly the opposite. Okay, your son comes home from school. He's been bullied. Let's say school and he tells me the whole situation where these two boys bullied him and said things you like as a parent you want to protect him. What's your response. Well, the first response may be the fight or flight thing. The threat and then if I don't get rid of them to mess up the whole situation get rid of it.

I go to school so I have everything you do is get rid of the forgive the anger bank report that Ingrid has to go and then I can do with it was very clear mind. I had the situation recently what happened. My wife was attacked on the street. This was in that we lived in Harrisburg Pennsylvania. It's very funny because in this sense, it doesn't sound the odd funny animal yeah so when she was attacked was physical attack on the street 30 in the morning, walking the dog young guy comes up May 23. Those are the headlock thrown on the ground there's a hammer at her had all the stuff she calls me in tears. I came home, obviously. Police did not arrest the guy and we call the police immediately should call them I called them I kept seeing the guy walk past our window on the street lived right on the street by wife's knitting. There he goes again.

I followed him to his house on foot.

I called the police.

From there I found out his identity. I called the police. I saw McGinnis that he's right here I'm following.

They never would arrest and come on.

I didn't know what to do. I said this is after a few weeks, like I don't know where the City Hall is I'm going to City Hall and I'm not leaving until they rest the sky. I wasn't angry we reported.

Pray for the guy, but I put on a nice suit coat and stuff like this one, a lingering good park downtown didn't know where to go started. I'm not making the story up started walking like building.

The building in a nice official looking business that is worse is the host on the street. I walk in one building and they're having a press conference in the lobby immediately upon walking and that's where the press is the police chief and the mayor of the city and had detective and it was about getting the community to get involved to fight crime in Midtown where we lived like we need the community to get involved. You know, people have to tell us what's going on really well so I should have just cursed in the center. Here I am. So I'm standing behind all the reporters and they rafted up any other questions, and I raise my hand use her. I have a question when you rest of the guy protect my wife, if you say you want communities to help. I've called done this, but would like to talk about this later but now in all the cameras swung around on me how you can even google this.

for youtube it because it made the news headline the next day the paper was area man crashes press conference, but the comments i got from all my friends are from the community with do your so cool under fire. he did not let it go and say you are angry at first, you work through it. yeah like i don't know what's happened this guy to make him do something like i don't know like it's evil. my position is jesus has forgiven me about the work through this. so this happened after i wrote this book, but the irony is, they arrested ed within two hours, bring a press conference, really. and if they hadn't, i would still be there and you are sailing just like this okay but the fact is clear that anger doesn't help your judgment. the clouds your judgment doesn't help. so that's why you can be calm and cool yeah because you already praying you have artie given it to keith if i had been angry. it would be a totally different scene. answered your prayer. he did answer my prayer and instead it was almost hilarious because they were agitated and i was just like now not letting it go when we would like to not deal with the media on this right mouse or if you talk to is partly know we are to use media now because i did try to talk to you privately. people like what is this but there's something about doing the right thing, not out of anger.

if you need anger to do the right thing, something might be wrong but that's the way of the world but as a believer in jesus.

that's not awesome. and yet i think. so often we think. i can't get rid of my anger i care. he says i while i know so many guys i don't know about women as well, but they would say i just i the anger will not go away. it's still in my soul it's in my my wife was abuse my son was, you know, it's like what thomas aikido you're saying and choosing not forget what exactly i mean i'm is a lot like trying to say that's what i hear a lot of guys understand my anger you not like your anger is deeper. it's get rid of it does understand it. what i'm saying. the instantly got this hope was whole book. people who've gone through addiction programs. they have to get really have to realize it's holding back, it will kill. it's fueling their addiction and choice. i talked differently than atheists and when i described this book from a christian perspective like actually i get that six that what christianity is about it is because what jesus is done for me i have to forgive is i've been forgiven. i understand what it does to is it makes you less scandalize a bull. we've had neighbors who try to free casazza know were christians. so the literally i just can't applaud us will amend the wicca ryman to this like to do this drug, or whatever will flinch. we still love they know i would not like padding that thing on his head like that's okay. now we still like to move on to the next subject and is a quote what we got to go out for dinner we done that.

he said i love them regardless to do with it. if you have them out. why would i be scared of that yeah is whatever we have is stronger than than what's in the world.

i'm not afraid of that anymore. it's wild held this concept puts you in a position and then what's also weird as a result of that, you become attractive to people who otherwise would scandalize everybody. another like christians.

i like like radical love to me it is. it gives people want to go… relativism is not it's not at all.

i still have these strong beliefs about right and wrong, but i also believe that what jesus is done for me allows me to do that, it becomes this love the people ashley drawn to it instead of me being a pharisee i'm a pharisee by nature, but people don't really enjoy that people flock to jesus because of his grace, how he saw a man and he saw what made them the way they were, didn't flinch at is no point where jesus is like. i heard about who you slept with, because he is so compelling.

for that reason, it began practicing this is that i think is discipleship in the wild things people do start to relate to you people related to jesus you're listening to dave and ann wilson with brant hansen on family life stick around. you want to hear some practical things you can start doing today in light of this conversation but first i think challenged by what i've heard today really have like my anger is justified in the moment i'm experiencing, but how much better of a neighbor or husband or dad driver. what i be if i put away my anger instead of indulging it or letting it control me know.

god uses broadcasts just like this looks like brains change the world one home at a time.

that's what were all about brant's book is called on defendable.

how does one change can make all of life we'd love to send you a copy when you partner financially today with family life you could do that online@familylifetoday.com or by calling 800-358-6329. That's 800 F peasant family L as in life, and then the word today.

Right now some practical takeaways from today's conversation.

Here's an do a list of things or people that offended me that I have been given over to Jesus and forgiven me. Would pray for your enemies.

Jesus was that this is exactly at the end have to do the work of remembering the weight.

This is why am is what got stuff for me. Father forgive them for doing battle is not flesh and blood so that allows me to remember to have compassion on people to their sheep without a shepherd. The loss so this is a better place for hearts to be changes us and it's incredibly healthy physically to you tomorrow. Brant Hansen will be back with Damon and to talk about how if you want to be happy.

You need to let go of one thought.

And that is everyone should be perfect as tomorrow on behalf of David and Wilson. I'm shall be added will see that next time for another edition of family life family like today is a production of family life accrue ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most