Surviving Sorrow

The tragic death of her three-year-old son changed Kim Erickson's life forever. You can put 1 foot in front of the other one at a time. You can live joyfully welcome to Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the New York Times bestseller "The 5 Love Languages" . If you're going through a season of loss. Don't miss the conversation today with author and teacher Kim Erickson. Her latest book is our featured resource@ 5lovelanguages.com is titled surviving sorrow. The subtitle is a mother's guide to living with loss. Gary, this is one of those topics easy to discuss, but is so bright that it screws up again. He wonders her circle of friends probably have someone lost a family member, child difficult topic of much needed. We reintroduce Kim Erickson. She's been with us before she is writing a teaching ministry to help other women. She talked about his last words what Jesus taught and prayed in his final hours and we heard some of her personal story and that program, she's an attorney and practices immigration law.

She lives in Florida with her husband Devon and son Ethan featured resource is surviving sorrow a mother's guide to living with loss. You can find out more at 5lovelanguages.com will kill welcome back to Building Relationships.

You talked about your son Austin with us last time. But for those who don't know that story can can you share some of that journey with us where you now I have my life at all. And along pretty well.

I had my career, my family, my house, my kids and in April. If you have any diagnostic Trout. We can ask the doctor today and on Friday that that we got the call that no parent wants to know that the ambulances at our house often hand them in the soft Friday night wake up and he estimated a complication for strep throat oh so he went three years old and I have three-year-old birthday party. Any enjoy that they had to attend a player you mentioned that you are not a Christian is that his death affects you in terms of turned on you to God or turn you from God how to respond. I now now that been a Christian for more than a decade now understand a little better what happened to me. But in that moment when I got that phone call. I'm just terrified and panicked of any parent would be and racing from my my office to the hospital and it's about a 30 minute drive and and nine are folks out there will many of them can relate and washed over me. I can't describe it.

To this day I don't have words for it, but it was beautiful. It was so wonderful. All of a sudden I felt amazing.

I felt wonderful.

No, now I can only describe as I feel I can't put a hand on my head and I don't know how to describe it but I didn't know in that moment even though I had been rejecting God and not turning towards him my whole life.

Practically, this really rebellious and not believing in that moment. All of a sudden I knew it was real having was true. I was amazing and I knew that there and you passed off God was real heavy rail and so that's how I was able to turn toward God in that moment because all of a sudden I knew that I knew that I knew this book surviving sorrow's of course your own personal experiences in your loss for Boston. Were you hoping will happen to the reader's particular grieving mom read this book hoping I lifeline like I know at the time… I talked about creating books about GSN and all of that I needed a book about grieving bad about living how I'd get through my day. How I go on living. So I like to say that this is a book about living, not grieving, and hope it just help some practical help and put 1 foot in front of the other and just go one day at a time I get on some ideas of how to get talk about those early days of Greece you navigate through these overwhelming questions we go through your mind you're dealing with a lot of things. What are some of the things you do. Maybe you did in those early days. However, now go back and do some of them over again because okay I guess I would say to them. Mom and parents out there who are in the middle of this kind of grief and handling very well.

I can tell you that you stated that she can and I think what I would say now, in the early days.

You have to tell people they don't now you have a veil they will stay away. Anybody who's willing to come near you right now here in the early days of grief. They are brave, brave friends tell him I need quiet right now I need grocery shopping I need to cry right now you know you didn't really have to tell people what you mean because they don't now and I wish I would've done I love it. Better show up to your don't always know how to help the listener to write exactly you might be different course are different than them. Usually I think Dr. Chapman you talk about ethically give love likely want to get right. Like that five love languages and screening the same people will help you the way they would want to be helped by that might not be what you need in your moment. And so you have to tell them what you need because you might not be the same problem as Kim sums people go through grieving or just so you know never been through… They don't know what they need.

They can't figure that you identify with the that's why I say I wish I could go back and do a little bit better differently because you are such a place where you can't even you know which way is up and my identity a counselor after he left off and she said can listen if you get up and brush her teeth.

It's a good day. That's good to be encouraging to somebody whose listings saying on the sale you that's the other thing you you have this big loss and then you feel bad. So you get the spiral that goes down down down your helping raise people up. Kim helps out because it does feel like you're sliding down down down and last that's not true. You know the truth is you. You can put 1 foot in front of the other one step at a time.

You can live through this can lead joyfully eventually like it you can do it, kill most people have heard of the stages of Greece you good reader see what you call survival steps and spiritual steps speak just a word about the shore. I think that we talk a little bit about one step at a time and fell in that same idea each chapter kind of deals with the things on moms will encounter the early stages of grief when you deal with those memories that keep replaying in your mind what you do when somebody says how many kids you have and fell. The survival steps are ideas from me that I've gathered from other moms how they handled those things go to the survival steps like how you get through this phase how you get through the holiday. How you get through his or her birthday for the survival steps are super practical and a bunch of ideas in the air about how you might do it and then spiritual stats are really dealing with how you're feeling about God at that stage and those kind of moments. You know how you feel about God when it's Christmas and where were celebrating the birth of Christ and everybody is saying Mary Smith.

You don't feel very Mary and you're not sure you're ready to celebrate God and fill how you what kind of spiritual steps.

What kind of things can you do in your faith journey in order to help you with those feelings will be looking at some of those moments.

What is talking about your grief so necessary.

We were missing just earlier was so important that you talk about your feeling what you're going through with with other people at a funny question for me because I'm not very good.

I know that I wrote the book in years to write this kind of agree with the Lord to write this book because how difficult, not very many people want to talk about their grief is so necessary why Larry talked about nobody knows what to do for you. I tell you that I talked to Tom about it. I will tell you when I didn't talk about my grief when I didn't let it out.

It created all fourth of collateral damage in other areas in my marriage with my other child with my job with my friendships and so I'm telling you feel let out you don't talk about it come out from other way and so I think it's necessary for healing and if necessary so that other people can help you what you think. Some people use the word fear release reluctant to share to talk about their grief.

So what do you think that is for me. It felt like I started talking about my life. I started talking about pain this grief, it would be a Hoover dam had ever seen Hoover dam Norman this crack open and the whole thing which is wash over me in out mountains of water just overtake me. I felt like I started talking about this about losing often and how much it hurt just and to me it really would consume me like I'm worth fighting against it or fighting against this pain, consuming us and taking over our lives and so were trying to pick up the pieces right until we start talking about it.

I think the fear is like it will just overtake us and if you carry a field feel out of control is the office of the street is what you were saying earlier right if you hold it inside is far more likely to be detrimental to your life in every other area that if you do talk about try. I really feel like now that I'm more than a decade past that early grief when it did feel like the Hoover dam. Now it doesn't feel that way anymore. L if there's a parent out there listening promise you will get smaller and won't go away, but it will get smaller and more manageable. And so it but it also is a force to be reckoned with.

Right.

And so, yeah, don't let it out. It can, it can really recap back what you did with Austins birthday Q you did that change through the years. You now have not changed and I feel like from talking with other parents and that maybe Devon and I are unique, maybe not. We actually don't celebrate Austins birthday. We let the day pass with us with that kind of as little fanfare as we can stand because you can't do it like there's too much heartbreak there that my husband and I usually will do something like take a walk on the beach now or go see a movie something that we can do that, just allows us to make out a little bit now and be we just want to be together and just be by creating birthday. We just can't but a lot of other people do fun stuff they make cakes they let balloon call they have a party there's lots ideas in the book there what other people do what you're saying is it's okay to not do something, you could feel pressure from other people to see what you go to celebrate as though you've got to know yourself and what what you can handle or can't and let that be okay right I'll yeah you will get you well get advice about a lot of things in life, and this is no different. Your family, your friends on people around you at work.

They will now it I might look at you funny or really cocky about people really do talk to us about this like you.

That should be celebrating this like a very you can't just stick your head in the sand and when I say in providing Farley over and over. Is this like lesson this is your last not this was your loss is your child so whatever you can do. I want to okay and now I was just talking about this with somebody yesterday also applies to your spouse right away. I wanted to throw a big party and had cake and blends didn't want to do that right now in my life, and if a weight you're the guy get over here were celebrating his birthday snake.

I can see where that would create a problem in the marriage is right and I from my perspective, we have to give our spouse as much grace as we would get someone else you met another mom who didn't want to have a birthday party.

Or maybe she doesn't want help birthday party. You wouldn't judge her. You wouldn't put blame our cast anything on her, but grace and so I would encourage husband and lives to give each other that grace it's okay for somebody else it's okay for your spouse to so you are you saying among other things there… Open the father and the mother might feel differently about how somebody birthday or how to process grief for that matter. I think that's true them and so blessed that many respects Devon and I were on the same page from day one and that such a blessing. I praise God for that. I don't know you would just have to just like everything else you have to talk it out, you have to compromise. You'd have to work it out between you, but I can definitely see where that where that would be different between husband and wife so close to the medication. Some Christians believe the medication means that you don't trust God. But is there a place for medication in the grief process.

Sure, I think God and needing a lot of help are two different things and allow their high I had to use a medicine in order to feel like myself. I really thought out of my mind. I don't know any other way to say it. I would now is back at work and trying to be a lawyer and read something or try to type an email and I can get done. I walked to the kitchen for a downbeat my lunch.

My soup and I walk in the kitchen I get there and figure out how I'm hello I'm in the kitchen and I walked back to my desk and see my soup and off the walk back to the kitchen and I get to the kitchen which is about 10 paces away from my office so I felt like I was really losing my mind and I was funny because I told the doctor I said I lesson I think I'm doing okay with the grieving, but I can't process anything. I can't think I can remember simple things like the spoon and I needed some help from the Lyle and in medicine just made me feel a little more like myself, never those people out there who worry about that didn't make me feel loopy.

It didn't make me feel intoxicated just did something that brought me back to myself for about six months and then we worked our way off of it. There's people there that I needed for maybe the rest of their life and if you need it helps you and I think that's okay. Talk about the real world, which is the origin things we such a problem. Great country, but at the same time as Christians we do have outside help of God. The promises of God that this mood can be a real anchor to us you experience that do not all that is my story. I know God before he lost Austin. I have a Bible and so I would deepen my grace but getting to know who God was and getting to know Jesus and and what that's all about.

Through Scripture, and that became really the thing I think that pulls me out of the pit of grief. Every single time when I'm having a bad day if I get on the word, I could in the Scriptures, and I ask God like help me help you heal this email help this pain we feel a little bit and I specifically asked him for those things and I turned to my Bible and his promises are. They are so powerful to take that pain now your heart, your mind. I can't even say it enough like that is the single most important factor for me, and handling the pain of losing a child that is there every day. 18 years later, almost. And it's still there every day. So is my Bible. I have every day. The promises are there and now I have some of them listed in a chapter that's called Mike for the rest of my life like at some point you gonna realize oh my goodness, I can't do this for the rest of my life and that's where I can't point the readers to come promises that are better in his word that you can count on and how those can be an anchor for the rest of your life.

Dealing with this question about the word of God is powerful and the promises of God. The good thing is he keeps his promises you describe grief one place in the book as a tug-of-war with you. My mother initially early on. It feels like tug-of-war when you're you still want to claim to those memories of your child like you never want to forget single memory single moment, but as you pull those memories up. It makes grief harder and so you want you want to come get you grief into a place where it feels like it's healing like lessening like you can handle little better when you start doing that you feel a little bit like you're losing some of your child a little bit like this back and forth in the same thing goes with God like you want trust God. But it hurts so much and you you want to believe God is loving and good and trust him. And yet how could he allow this to happen.

How could he allow this kind of loss. This kind of pain that like tug-of-war between the pain of this and both your your efforts to keep going in life and your efforts to keep going with God. We can build this was God about those feelings of those thoughts right I yeah I see someone's address book that I was pretty sassy and I think that's probably true. In fact, I have a story in there about my mom and she's so reverent in her faith and and I am quite happy about mine and I remember to stand like oh my weird but have a talk about what so that night she wasn't sure about that now.

God is my father God, he is my creator. He is Nancy. I know him through the word of God through my faith in Jesus through the Holy Spirit.

I know him and he knows me and said is a chapter in America.

Let them have it because the big and mighty God, like Ed, you know, just like when your toddler pitches a fit you still love your toddler know you.

You just realize that they they are needing to pitch a fit right now I feel like God knows when I need to pitch a fit and you know and I always circle back around to his feet.

You know and like, okay, you are God.

Your amazing your good and I am just your child just Julius Tim Erickson became a Christian because of a huge loss in her life and her book is the result of the whole process that she's been through. It's titled surviving sorrow. A mother's guide to living with loss. You can find it@ 5lovelanguages.com and Kim, I just want to ask your love people talk about a catharsis writing as catharsis. It helps you, but only to talk about it but to write about it. I'm sensing that this book was probably a catharsis but also really really difficult.

Is that true true. I work of obedience.

Definitely not a book that I wanted to writer that I want anybody to meet and cut really was an active and honoring God and what he has done for me.

Now he he rescued me, saved me, he has put healing balm over my heart and so this book is really just wanting to share some of that with the other moms who feel like their hearts are shattered, and so really it's it's an act of love for for the Lord and for what God has done for me. I can see that in writing the book you relive a lot of the emotions of those early days as you try to describe the in those early days and we talk a little bit about this earlier. People want to help quote what did you want from other people in those early months of grief or did you want to be alone left alone or what what what what did you want that question I get a lot I people really want to know what Galen and Tom really far, far from any other moms that eventually we really want people to do a couple of things.

One is the same. Okay, I can see if you are a friend that that showed up at the casserole Randy that that if you're the friend who hold me accountable and like everything else in our life has changed and feels out of our control and upside down. So if you can just try to be the same. That is really comforting course to show up. You don't need to ask like to show up and probably the third thing that that people don't talk about a lot is, we don't want you to complain because it's really hard to hear you complain about anything lower.

Deep in it and even been more than a decade now and I still have to ask for a whole bunch of grace in my heart when people start complaining because I'm thinking well I I had how now it is your your standing there living life without your child and actually hired and fell complaining holding back your complaining would be super helpful if there complaining about their three-year-old what you're doing and hopefully it is for which you will cry right or maybe a few other options if you're like me, I want to say wow like I would I would literally throw myself in front of a bus to hear my voice.

I you know any like I was really doing this talk about the whole process of communication in marriage while you're walking through the grief journey.

Why is it so important, how did you and your husband communicate is your walk-throughs and I I'm having a bad day. I will try to hide that from what I don't want him to have a bad day. If he's not having a bad day and smelled my first instinct is to protect him and probably his first instinct is to protect me and so we and when he did that trickles out in other areas right you answer a little more sharply than you intended to use snap about certain things that really aren't a big deal. And so if you're not communicating in a wider scale crossed and and things don't look the same and path your your senses are heightened right like you're not as able to respond and gracious ways when you're having a bad day and so if you can communicate that it really takes effort.

Though it really takes me to think okay I need to not hide this. I need to tell Devon and having a bad day and even if it you know and not thinking that's gonna cause him to have a bad day actually helped him to dictate him feel like he can help me right like all okay honey what you want to do. He can actually help me if I tell him that day, and makes him feel important. Makes him feel like my partner makes him feel like a trust him with big giant pain in my heart and so I think it really can deepen and strengthen your marriage but not if you don't talk so you saying that to say to your spouse, but I'm really struggling and for them to say about it. So you start to keep asking you questions and let's report out to help both of you because the listener is serving you and helping you and it's a two-way street because today smelled it would be the one driving or good and you don't know what the triggers are no dockside my client had a bad day ON THE RADIO.

THEY REALIZE, LIKE, OH, LIKE CHRISTIAN SONGS LIKE PRAYING CHRISTIAN MUSIC ON THE RADIO CAN SOMETIMES BE A HUGE TRIGGER FOR MY HUSBAND AND SO I KNOW THAT YOU KNOW UNTIL HE TOLD ME SO NOW I MORE MORE AWARE OF WHEN AND WHERE I PRAY THAT MUSIC AND WHETHER WHAT SORT OF DAY HE'S HAVING IT REALLY CAN HELP IF YOU CAN IDENTIFY WHAT THE TRIGGERS ARE FOR EACH OTHER AND BEWARE OF ITS GREAT MAKES IT WAY BETTER AND ALSO IF YOUR SPOUSE DOES SHARE SOME OF THEIR FEELINGS DON'T PREACH TO ALL YES I WOULD ESPECIALLY SAY FOR THE LIFE OUT THERE. MY PEOPLE HAVE A LIFE VERSE 12. I HAVE A WIFE FIRST AND THAT FIRST PETER THREE AND IT IT REALLY IS A MATTER OF ALLOWING YOUR HAVING A QUIET AND GENTLE SPIRIT CAN BE USED BY THE LORD.

HAVING A QUIET NANO SPIRIT IS BEAUTIFUL TO THE LORD AND HERE HUSBAND SO I HAVE TO SAY THAT TO MYSELF.

I AM NOT QUIET LITTLE FOLKS, MY NATURE AND SO I REALLY HAVE TO CALL ON THE WORD OF GOD AND CALL ON THE HOLY SPIRIT TO HELP ME BE QUIET AND GENTLE FORCE BECOMES A FOREST IN MY HUSBAND'S LIFE. IF I CAN IF I CAN DISPLAY THAT TO HIM AND IF I CAN TREAT HIM WITH THAT KIND OF GRACE AND IN RESPECT TO THE HUSBAND'S SIDE WHEN YOUR WIFE IS SHARING. DON'T DON'T SAY GO TO SNOWBALL THIS WEEK IT'S BEEN 10 YEARS NOW IT'S BEEN EIGHT YEARS BEEN A MUCH WOULD WE JUST KNOW ABOUT ISSUES THAT DOES NOT HELP THAT IS CONDEMNING TO THE WIFE AND YET SOMETIMES ONE WHO MIGHT NOT BE FEELING LIKE THE OTHER ONE IS FEELING LIKE FEEL LIKE YOU NEED TO BE GETTING ALONG FASTER THAN THIS, BUT WE HAVE TO ALLOW EACH OTHER. THE PROCESSES THAT ARE OWN RIGHT, RIGHT.

YEAH, YOU WILL HAVE THEM FLOW. NOW YOU YOU MAY FEEL LIKE YOU'RE A LITTLE FURTHER ALONG IN YOUR GRIEF AT A CERTAIN TIME ARTIST A CERTAIN MOMENT AND THEN THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, THINGS LIKE CABINETS FURTHER ALONG THAN YOU AND I FEEL LIKE IT'S JUST LIKE MOUNTAIN CLIMBING RIGHT LIKE YOU HAVE THAT SAFETY ROPE BETWEEN YOU AND AND SOMETIMES ONE LEAVES AND SOMETIMES THE OTHER ONE LEAVES AND JUST KNOW THAT HAVE TO HAPPEN OVER AND OVER AGAIN AS YOU CONTINUE TO WORK THROUGH YOUR GRIEF AND WORK THROUGH YOUR MARRIAGE YOU WILL EXCHANGE PLACES AND YOU HOLD EACH OTHER UP AND I JUST KNOW YOUR TIME IS COMING TO BE THE ONE WHO NEEDS A LITTLE LIFTING UP SO YOUR HUSBAND. THE LETTER TO WIVES IN MORNING THAT'S INCLUDED IN THE BOOK DID YOU DESCRIBE THAT LETTER FOR SUBMIT MY HEART. MY HEART YES THAT'S MY HEART. I TELL YOU I WAS BEAUTIFUL. IT WAS AN IDEA GIVEN GIVEN TO US AND IT WAS A GREAT IDEA BECAUSE IT EVEN ALLOW ME TO SEE OTHER PARTS OF DEVON'S GRACE THAT I DIDN'T NOW AND SO THE LETTER IS TO LIVE, HOW ABOUT SOME ADVICE ABOUT HOW TO HELP THEIR HUSBAND OR HOW TO HOW TO DEAL WITH THEIR HUSBAND. DURING THIS GRIEF AND YES, SOMETHING THAT THAT DEVON SAYS IN THAT LETTER IS JUST TO REMEMBER THAT YOU'RE STILL FAMILY YOU ARE STILL THE LIFE YOU KNOW HE'S STILL THE HUSBAND YOU LOVE YOUR STILL FAMILY. EVEN WITH THE LAWSON.

ONE OF MY FAVORITE LINES THAT THAT HE SAID IN HIS LETTER THAT I HAD NEVER HEARD HIM SAY BEFORE WAS YOUR LOVE IS STRONGER AND LOSS LOVE YOUNGER THAN LOST ANY.

I WOULD LIKE THAT FIT RIGHT THAT YOUR MARRIAGE SURVIVE THIS KIND OF LOSS BY FOCUSING ON YOUR LOVE AND YOU LOST WAS AN AMAZING IF THE SECTION WERE TALKING ABOUT THE HUSBAND AND WIFE IN PROCESSING GRIEF IN DIFFERENT WAYS, BUT YOU ALSO SAY THAT GOING THROUGH A DEEP LOSS TOGETHER AS HUSBAND AND WIFE CAN ACTUALLY STRENGTHEN MARRIAGE ONLY TRUE NOBODY BUT YOUR HUSBAND OR YOUR WIFE HAS THE SAME HOLE IN HER HEART AS YOU DO AND THAT THAT CAN BE A REALLY BONDING EXPERIENCE IN THE WHOLE WORLD WAS YOUR CHILD'S PARENT. BUT YOUR HUSBAND OR YOUR WIFE AND SO DO YOU KNOW HOW YOU'RE FEELING AND MAYBE THE ONLY OTHER PERSON IN THE WORLD WHO KNOWS HOW YOU'RE FEELING AND I REALLY THINK THAT CAN STRENGTHEN YOUR MARRIAGE AND I WRITE IN PROVIDING SORROW THAT YOU CAN HAVE A CHOICE ABOUT YOUR CHILD'S DEATH EVEN HAVE A CHOICE IN THEIR PASSING, BUT YOU DO HAVE A CHOICE FOR YOUR MARRIAGE. YOU DO HAVE A CHOICE THAT YOU WILL BE COMMITTED AT MY ADVICE TO THE WIFE AND WHEN MY PART THAT I WROTE IS HEY YOU BE COMMITTED.

YOU GOTTA COMMIT YOUR MARRIAGE AND AND IF YOU CAN HAVE THAT CHOICE. THAT THIS MARRIAGE, MY MARRIAGE WILL SURVIVE THIS.

I WILL COMMIT TO MY HUSBAND AND GETTING THROUGH THIS TOGETHER SO IMPORTANT BECAUSE IT IS HARD. IT IS REALLY DIFFICULT AND YOU HAVE TO BE COMMITTED AND I THINK DEVON IS RIGHT. IF YOU FOCUS ON YOUR LOVE AND NOT AS MUCH ON YOUR LAST.

YOU CAN YOU CAN HAVE A BETTER MARRIAGE TODAY OR TOMORROW OR NEXT YEAR YOU HAD BEFORE THIS LOSS THAT MIGHT BE ONE OF THE FEW THINGS THAT CAN BE BAD OR THAT YOU KNOW WE DIVIDE OUR LIFE BETWEEN THE FOUR OFTEN DENIED AND AFTER LAST NIGHT THAT'S JUST THE REALITY OF A GRIEVING PARENT TO LIVE THE REST OF THEIR DAYS ON THIS EARTH AS BEFORE AND AFTER YOUR MARRIAGE IS ONE OF THE FEW PLACES WHERE IT CAN BE THERE AFTER. IF YOU FOCUS ON YOUR LOVE IS CERTAINLY WHAT WE HOPE FOR FOUR COOKBOOKS. I WOULD THINK THAT A COUPLE WHO REALLY DID NOT HAVE A HEALTHY MARRIAGE BEFORE THE DEATH OF WHICH WILL MIGHT BE THE TRIGGER THAT BRINGS THEM TOGETHER AND I CAN ALSO SEE THAT THAT MY BECAUSE OF THE BREAKING POINT WHICH WOULD BETRAY MY LIKE A LOT HAS TO DO WITH OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD. YOU TALK ABOUT THAT IN THE BOOK OF GOD. GOD'S HEALING THAT HE OFFERS TO TALK ABOUT YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE IN TERMS OF YOUR SENSING GOD REALLY WEEPING WITH YOU WALKING WITH YOU THROUGH THIS. I REMEMBER SO WELL COMING ON THAT IN THE GOSPEL OF JOHN AND JOHN 11 AND JESUS GETS THE METHODS FROM HIS FRIENDS AT ONE OF HIS FRIENDS IS DYING. LAZARUS IS DYING GO RIGHT AWAY AND I AND THEN HE FINALLY MAKES HIS WAY. A FEW DAYS LATER TO THEIR HOME AND MARY AND MARTHA, I LOVE THIS BECAUSE IT'S A LITTLE LIKE ME THERE LIKE JESUS. WHERE WERE YOU. WHY ARE YOU HERE IF YOU HAD BEEN HERE, MY BROTHER WOULD NOT HAVE DIED AND THEY REALLY ARE CRYING OUT TO HIM IN IN ALL THE WAYS APPARENT GUYS LIKE MY RIGHT YOU HERE. WHERE WERE YOU WHY DID YOU ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN. LOVE JESUS DID NOT REBUKE THEM FOR THAT. HE DID NOT CHIDE THEM. HE DID NOT SAY HEY YOU KNOW DON'T QUESTION ME. I'M GOD, I'M THE MESSIAH. HE WAS SO DISTRAUGHT HE WENT HE SAW THAT PEOPLE GRIEVING LAZARUS AND GRIEVING THE DEATH OF A LOVED ONE, AND HE CRIED.

HE WEPT WITH THEM AND I JUST IN THAT MOMENT READING THAT. OH LORD, YOU ARE CRYING TO. YOU ARE WEEPING OVER THAT AND THE OTHER KIND OF POINT ON THAT SAME LINE IS THAT WHEN YOU'RE GRIEVING PARENT, YOU FEEL LIKE A LOT OF OTHER PEOPLE CAN RELATE ME IF YOU HAVE LOST THE CHILD YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS FEELS LIKE. GUESS WHAT GOD ALLOWED HIS ONLY SON TO COME TO THIS EARTH AND BE PUT TO DEATH CREATOR GOD. GOD KING OF THE UNIVERSE. HE LOST A CHILD. I KEEP WHAT HE ALLOWED HIS CHILD FOR HIGH END. GOD UNDERSTANDS GOD HIMSELF FOR TIME THERE WAS A GRIEVING PARENT AND I THINK HE GRIEVED OVER YEAH THIS LOST WORLD, AND HE GRIEVED OVER THAT THE WAY HE PLANNED THIS. I THINK HE CRIES RIGHT ALONG WITH US TO PULL THE WHOLE PICTURE.

WHEN YOU REALLY FOCUS ON JESUS CRY AS NOBODY WAS CRYING BECAUSE ONLY OF LAZARUS BECAUSE HE KNEW HE WAS GOING RIGHT IS RIGHT ABOUT THAT. HE WAS LOOKING DOWN THE HALL WITH HISTORY AND THERE WAS TO CLONE THE FUTURE AND THEN CRYING BECAUSE HE KNEW THE PLANE BUT THIS BRINGS TO US. THAT'S POWERFUL. YOU TALK ABOUT THE TRIGGERS THAT CAN STIMULATE PAIN EVEN AFTER MONTHS OR SOMETIMES YEARS OF THINGS I CAN PUT IT WORK OR AT HOME OR AT THE GROCERY STORE OR SHARE SOME OF THOSE EXPERIENCES EVERYWHERE THINK YOU HAVE AN LIKE YOU'RE DOING GREAT AND ALL OF A SUDDEN SOME FELL A POP UP CAN BE. NOW I COULD BE SOAP AT THE JAM. THAT'S A FUNNY STORY BECAUSE WITH AUTHENTIC HE WAS HAVING A SASSY MOUTH AND I SAID LISTEN, YOU FELT THAT, AND HE SAID HE FELT HE WAS RIGHT THAT IT FELT SO WHY YOU'RE GOING TO THE YMCA YMCA AND I WILL PUT THOSE IN YOUR THAT THE MOUTH LIKE SO SOMETIMES I SEE THAT SO I REMEMBER THAT MOMENT WHEN HE WAS LIKE YOU HAVE ANY SOAP SET THE GROCERY STORE THAT ANY PLACE YOU WENT WITH YOUR CHILD CAN BE A TRIGGER.

PHOTOS SONGS NOW YOU HAVE JUST EVERYWHERE AND THEY JUST DON'T BE SURPRISED WHEN YOU'RE SURPRISED BY THEM OVER THE TOP FUNDS LIKE YOU CAN GET PREPARED FOR THE HOLIDAYS. YOU CAN GET PREPARED FOR MOTHER'S DAY BUT IT'S THE SNEAKY THINGS THAT GET YOU LIKE THE GROCERY STORE HE PASSED HIS FAVORITE COOKIES. I NOW HAVE THE NEAREST YOUR DOING THE UGLY CRY AT THE GROCERY STORE LOOKING AT YEAR-END TERRIBLE, BUT I WILL TELL YOU THOSE YOU GET SMALLER AS YOU GET A LAUGH AS THE YEARS GO ON. YOU YOU THINK IT (THEY GET SMALLER. ONE OF THE CHALLENGES FOR PARROTING YOUR SURVIVING CHILDREN TO THIS BEEN THE LOSS OF ALL YOU JUST WANT TO ROLL THEM UP IN BUBBLEWRAP AND NEVER LET EMILY THAT YOU REALLY DON'T WANT NO I KNOW THAT THERE WILL BE PARENT OUT THERE LIKE ME AND LIKE DEVON WHO FEEL WE FAILED LIKE OUR JOB WAS TO PROTECT THESE CHILDREN.

OUR JOB IS TO PROTECT THEM AND RAISE THEM UP AND TRAIN THEM AND HOW DID THIS HAPPEN SO YOU FEEL A LITTLE BIT LIKE IT'S YOUR FAULT. EVEN THOUGH THAT'S IRRATIONAL LIKE I KNOW THAT I KNOW THAT NOT MY FAULT THAT YOU STILL FEEL THAT WAY.

HOW YOU PARENT YOUR OTHER CHILDREN WITHOUT DESTROYING THEIR LIVES, RIGHT.

LIKE IKE I COULD BE A MASS AND AM JUST TRYING TO CONTROL EVERY LITTLE THING ABOUT ETHAN AND NEVER LETTING THEM RIDE UP BY NOW AUSTIN DIED FROM SOMETHING SO SIMPLE AS STREP THROAT. NO HOW I LIMIT MY CARE. HE RODE HIS BIKE TO SCHOOL TODAY. I EVEN LET HIM DO THAT AND I THINK THE ANSWER WILL I DON'T THINK THE ANSWER IS THIS YOU HAVE TO GET TO A PLACE WHERE YOU REALIZE AND ACKNOWLEDGE AND LET IT GO, THAT YOUR CHILD, YOUR CHILDREN ARE NOT YOURS. THEY BELONG TO THE LORD AND HE CAN BELONG TO GOD AND GOD CAN TAKE HIM HOME WHENEVER HE WANTS, AND BELONGS TO THE LORD AND I HAVE TO PUT IN THERE EVERY SINGLE DAY. I HAVE TO SET HIM BEFORE THE LORD AND SAY LORD HE IS YOURS NOW I CAN ASK FOR THINGS THAT I REALLY HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT EVEN MY LIFE IS NOT MY OWN LORD JIM, THIS IS BEEN VERY VERY HELPFUL LIMIT IS CLOSE WITH THIS QUESTION WAS IS SO ESSENTIAL THAT WE NOT PUT A TIME LIMIT. OWNER AGREES THAT WE'VE GOT TO BE THROUGH THIS BOOK A CERTAIN TIME CERTAIN YEAR. SURE, I KNOW PEOPLE WILL SAY THAT PEOPLE HAVE SAID YOU KNOW YOU YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO GET ON WITH LIFE, OR YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO GET OVER IT OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT IN I THINK WITH OTHER LOSSES.

THAT'S TRUE YOU YOU DO MOVE INTO A POINT WHERE YOU ARE MOVING FORWARD THROUGH IT JUST NOT TRUE OF GRIEVING THE LOSS OF A CHILD. IT'S JUST NOT TRUE. YOU'RE GOING TO CARRY THAT GRIEF EVERY SINGLE DAY AND YOU JUST HAVE TO GET BETTER AT IT EVERY DAY YOU BETTER AT IT AS YOU GO THERE REALLY IS THE UNIQUENESS I THINK OF LOSING A CHILD IS THAT IT DOESN'T HAVE A TIME LIMIT. OKAY, THANKS FOR BEING WITH US TODAY AND THANKS FOR TAKING THE TIME AND ENERGY TO WRITE THIS BOOK BECAUSE I THINK IT IS GOING TO BE HELPFUL TO ANYONE. SO SO BUT GOD CONTINUE TO GIVE YOU WISDOM YOUR HUSBAND THE SICK TO HELP OTHERS PUBLISH KIM ERICKSON IS BEEN WITH US TODAY. SHE IS GO THROUGH SUCH A DEVASTATING LOSS AND HAS STEWARDED HER PAIN SO WELL READ MORE ABOUT THE STORY CAN BE HOPED MAYBE PASS ALONG THIS HOPE SOMEBODY ELSE BUT GETTING A HOLD OF THE BOOK SURVIVING SORROW. MOTHER'S GUIDE TO LIVING WITH LOSS LINK FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES.COM AGAIN. FIVE LOVELY.COM NEXT WEEK. THE GRANDSON OF DR. GARY SMALLEY, MICHAEL GIBSON TALKS ABOUT REAL LIFE. DON'T MISS IT IN ONE WEEK I THANKS TO OUR PRODUCTION TEAM WITH JANICE TODD. Building Relationships WITH DR. GARY CHAPMAN RADIO IN CHICAGO IN ASSOCIATION WITH PUBLISHERS MINISTERING BY THE