Widows in Need

Take your Bibles and let's go back to our exposition, our verse by verse preaching through the book of first Timothy first Timothy we are now in chapter 5 we call this beautifying the bride because in this letter Paul is writing to his understudy Timothy is left to pastor the local church at Ephesus and he's working through Timothy to get the church in order to get it structured right to God it in functioning properly and he's dealing with lots of practical things and in chapter 5, beginning in verse three he begins dealing with Windows in the church.

Now I sit on on twitter. I think last night that preaching on widows is not something I don't. I don't remember I've ever desired to preach on. I never thought you opened a series on widows and me, we don't love widows widows are not very important to us. Of course they are.

Matter fact God says he has special concern for orphans and widows and we should to. But you just don't think in terms of preaching on them. But Paul spends a very lengthy section of Scripture on widows and the church. Others, actually two sections here verses three through eight is what were dealing with today, and that's what we'll talk about and then there's another group of widows that begins in verse nine, Lord willing, will look at that next week together so I called the exposition. The first Timothy 53 through eight widows in need in TED widows in need. Let's read it together beginning in verse three. First Timothy chapter 5 honor widows who are widows indeed. But if any widow has children or grandchildren. They must first learn to practice piety in regard to their own family to make some return to their parents for this is acceptable in the sight of God, that she was a widow indeed, and who has been left alone has fixed her hope on God and continues in entreaties and prayers night and day. But she gives herself to wanton pleasure is dead even while she lives prescribed these things as well so that they may be above reproach.

But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he is denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. Now let me remind you, as I say often. Even though the context here is ported to widows and how the church should care for them and how they should conduct themselves. There are larger biblical principles here that are applicable for all of us. So don't to me yeah but get to Nguyen.

I miss look at this together Roman 1 in our outline was talk about were the widow's word. The widow's now the church when necessary. Must support and care for the widows in our membership but there are some things that need to be considered some point hey would be. They must be vented must be vented now. That means they must be examined.

They must be appraised of their real condition when Paul says here in verse three. Those who are widows indeed the word indeed has the idea of being true, they truly are widows who need the church's support and care now is good for us to think of the context you and I do not have a context. We do not live in a cultural context anything close to this person creature. First of all, poverty was rampant. This was a day when poverty meant you were skinny interesting to me. A lot of times we talk about poverty and low income and people have enough. Eight. There's a lot of obese people live in those communities. I don't mean they do not have needs, we should be concerned but that's not what the ancient world called poverty in the ancient world literally you didn't have enough to eat and you were skinny and that in this setting. There were just a lot of widows in this culture, there was a high mortality rate among men. No wars and diseases, and various things and I think also widows were of such a generally destitute condition when they heard the gospel they heard whole and I think percentage wise. More widows were coming to the faith that perhaps other demographics of the culture. We know in acts chapter 6 Pentecost is occurred. The people being saved by the thousands. The church is being built up in them by acts chapter 6. The church is just getting going to have a serious problem of widows who have to be cared for by the church dumping the daily food that you has to be given by the church and we saw this complaint come before the church pastors and we know how acts six unfolds they get godly spirit told me and I believe it's the first deacons and the pastors commission and pray over the spiritual deacons to make sure these widows are cared for, so they can get back to studying and preaching the word. I single that to say that this was a common problem now also they do not have the social wear for welfare programs we have today.

Our government takes our money every time were paid money in our country to put back. I reserve that we might live off of it. We get older. So think these are things that we take in consideration today that they did not have in this day so there's a lot of differences but nevertheless the principal remains the same now embedding these widows.

We must remind ourselves that the church was not to offer support to just any widow, but to those who were appraised vented and qualified. Notice he says here in verse four but if any widow has children or grandchildren. They must first learn to practice piety in regard to their own family to make some return to the parents, but this is acceptable in the sight of God.

First of all, if this widow has family who can care for her.

They should do that. That burden should not be put upon the church. Then in verses five and six that she was a widow.

Indeed, it is been left alone has fixed her hope on God and continues in entreaties and prayers night and day of the words she should be vented in the sense of is she faithful to the Lord.

Is she using her widowhood and the new free time she has on her hands to serve the Lord in his local church. If not, then she's not qualified for the church to supporter. He continues on in verse five of her six brother, but she who gives herself to wanton pleasure is dead even while she lives if she obviously has a pattern of living where she gives herself to worldly pursuit, then she is not qualified to be on the list of those widows who need the church's direct support. So first of all, these were the widows are those who had been vetted and they qualify. Secondly, not only vetted they are to be honored in a general sense there to be honored in verse three says honored those who are widows indeed. This includes that aspect of respect. It includes holding them in high esteem. Here is what I want to say to you, the world is too foolish and blind to appraised the worth of a godly woman, the world would store and heard the world would diminish her, but the church must not those ladies who been good and faithful homemakers and devoted wife to their husband and faithful moms to their children and then their grandchildren when they hit that age of life in their seniors widow dart on widowed the church must honor that lifetime of service, God help us in the church that we become so doggone worldly we start appraising and in praising women if there like the world instead of like what the Scripture bears out is worthy of honor and worthy of praise. She's to be honored. The Bible says that Tom, she's one of those who has faithfully lived are faithfully devoted herself to her husband all these years. She's faithfully devoted herself to her children and her grandchildren and then in this verse, it picks up.

Then after she became a widow to use that new freedom to serve the Lord in her local church know the word she's lost most of what she had on earth, and now she seeks more of what there is in heaven. First Corinthians 734 picks up on this truth in another context. Paul writing to those who are not married yet, these are young women he says in their interest are divided. The woman who is unmarried and the virgin is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be due both holy in body and spirit. But the one who is married is concerned about the things of the world how she may please her husband is not saying one is more spiritual than the other. Jesus giving me the principle that when you don't have the obligations of marriage and the hold like you still you have more time to directly serve the Lord i.e. through your local church and sold these kind of ladies a lifetime of faithfulness in the home to their husbands to the children and now in their elder years want to serve God faithfully in his church, they are to be honored same word honor is used over in verse 17 of this chapter Paul shifts gears and is talking about the pastors of the church tickly the preaching pastors and uses there to be worthy of double honor that includes holding them in high esteem. So widows are to be held in high esteem. I don't really have time. But Proverbs 31 reminds us of how this godly woman had is a woman who will be praised by her husband should be praised by her children and then texting this issue be printed be praised in the gates. That means in the community. The influencers of the city will see her worth a listen to me, ladies. She doesn't start out that way.

But if she starts out with these biblical convictions about her home, her husband or children.

It's very likely the first decade or two or three. She's going to be despised. She's going to be ignored.

She may be scoffed out but given the time. Her husband can't help but praise her publicly. Her children can't help but praise her publicly and hurt good is going to be so no one she didn't plan to make it happen just like God ordains it to happen that even the community will rise up and say that was a wonderful and important and blessed woman I love that here's what I'm telling you we don't need to wait to the blind, foolish unregenerate world gets it. We need to start doing it for our ladies. Now honor those who have a lifetime of faithfulness in their home and in the church. Well were the widows widows who are worthy to be considered for the church's care and support. In this context, direct material support must be vetted and they ought to be honored. And thirdly, they ought to be materially supported. Again, this word honored in verse three does mean is esteem and respect. But it also includes financial support. Same thing in verse 17 we talked about the pastor who rules well is worthy of double honor. It means financial support, along with the respect and the esteem for Scott interestingly puts widows and pastors kind in the same context to these widows who been faithful in their homes all these years are worthy if need be for the church to take them in and materially support them. Now James reminds us in James 127 pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this the visit orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unstained by the world. So we want to be that kind of church I will tell you, I take that very seriously.

In this present climate that weary, and I constantly am in touch with our pastors are elders or staff about what's the condition of our senior adults. Is there a need we need to meet and if you ever know of any lady in our church special who's a widow in need you to make sure we know about it. We are not going live dear precious lady to serve the Lord. All these years been faithful in her family go without it we have anything left to help her with well those are worthy widows there vetted there honored and there to be materially supported by the church if necessary now.

Secondly, let's shift gears because Paul shift here does talk about worldly widows worldly widows. We see this so pointedly brought out in verse six we read it while ago but she who gives herself and wanton pleasure is dead even while she lives.

She's greedy, she's selfish. It means an excessive pursuit of worldly things LSP ballasted doesn't mean that when a lady becomes a widow, she did should enjoy going out to dinner with her friends more, she should enjoy traveling a little more that it's not the aspect of measuring things out being legalistic. It's the heart it's the heart and this is the woman. This worldly woman who gives herself wholly to the next worldly pursuit and in effect, she begins to neglect many good things she could be doing in service under the Lord.

This woman is right, the opposite of Anna the prophetess that's mentioned in the gospel she came to my mind immediately. Luke 236 and 37 notice the contrast here and there was a prophetess and of the daughter if NUL of the tribe of Asher, and she was advanced in years and lived with her husband seven years after her marriage. She was married seven years and the rest of her life. She did this for 37 and then as a widow to the age of 84. She never left the temple serving not in day with fastings and prayer. Again this, it is the exact pattern for all widows, but it's the heart principle the worldly. What a student say that at all.

She just thinks about men. I'm free and I'm going to live it up to the most I have two points here really hit on the first one quite well already a purpose and pattern of her life is worldly pleasure. She gives herself wantonly. It's a willful excess. She's living up her freedom and then be the Bible says here she's of no spiritual good.

While this point it is not. But Paul was very pointed. He says in verse six I widow who does this is dead even while she lives. She's dead even while she lives in. That doesn't necessarily mean she's unsaved. That's probably true of many, but I believe I greet the scholar to say this not talk about being unconverted, it means she has she's doing. No spiritual good. She's fruitless. She's the apple tree that has a substantial root system in the trunk is very healthy and in the branches are vital and the leaves are lush, but every year it doesn't produce any apples. She is fruitless for God and God's work. Now let's remind ourselves in balance all common grace enjoyments of this present world are not to be avoided, but the question is, is that all this woman thinks about is that all there is to her. That's what it looks like the thing that is a worldly widow in verse five we have the godly widow who pours her energies into serving God.

This was the woman who was dead to the world as a widow and now alive to God in service and that in verse six we have this worldly widow. She's one whose functioning dead to God, but very alive to this fallen, sinful world point of the text is probably saying this kind of widow should not be supported by the church, not so much on city or not I had to say this because so many of us are prone to go to the Scripture, as were every text is a firm letter the law like thou shalt not adultery. I'm convinced Paul is not saying if a woman has been backslidden and she's a widow and she lived in the world.

She has critical need. The church should just let her suffer on don't think he saying he just saying.

As a general rule, if she's going to live like that church shouldn't have the burden of taking care of her. You're not taking care of someone to help them build Satan's kingdom so that matter whether you are 1/10, 10-year-old and and you know the Lord are your hundred and 10. If you see in you sin and there's consequences and is to be dealt with by the church.

Another application here.

I think this is very interesting. 500 years ago. John Calvin writes in his commentary. Another aspect of the worldly woman, and he said she did need to be this woman who litters all day, going from altar to alter lifting up praises and prayers actually being a show out in front of all the people. Then she gets home late in the day in our house is a mess and dinner's not done her husband's unhappy and she's irritable. His point was she's missed everything she's she's acted like she serving the Lord. Basically not serving the Lord, you can be worldly in that way. Also, if it's a hip and bits of hypocrisy. If it's a put on for the appearance of others well. So Paul says there's the worldly wisdom widow that we ought to always be helping and supporting and caring for the church.

There are worldly widows who forgot to live like that. The church and feel an obligation to support. Now I'm coming to III something I want to call Christianity 101 I called Christie if you want one because of the larger principle here that is just basic.

The Christian truth, but it's something we often miss but the way Paul says it here is that he's making a point to say this, obviously, you should understand this already. That's what you say I see this in verses four and in verse seven, writ on-site religious verse four for right now here's the obvious principle of eating widow has a children or grandchildren. They must first learn to practice piety in regard to their own family to make some return to the parent for this is acceptable inside of God, the words he should have some spiritual common sense taking care of the needs and your own family is the first step of your spiritual duty and devotion to God.

Don't neglect that intimately. This is been neglected by some in the church. Your number one Paul wrote to the Corinthians.

I mean, these are baby Christians and had things all out of whack now to balance and many of them were thinking that if you're married, you could really serve the Lord like you all to some of them were wanting to leave their spouses are some of them are wanting to never be married possibly make your out of your your out of balance sheet remain in the condition in which you were called your marriage stay married. You're missing your you not seeing the forest for the trees. These didn't have some spiritual common sense or I call these common are basic human duties.

It's the basic duty of humanity given by our Creator that we care for our families.

In this context. Verse four there to learn to practice piety for their own mother or grandmother. I'll some translations is that a grandmother put nephew but that's not a sound translation. It really means grin grandmother so learn to practice positive means learn to worship properly your worshiping properly, you your reverence and worship of God is shown properly when you care for your widowed mother or grandmother.

Then he says do this to make some return the words you have a debt to them.

It's it's a financial recompense that is owed to them. Then he says in verse four to your own family thought there would be so that the church does not have to pick up this responsibility now. Our God is a God of all waste amenities with in his wisdom. He's a God of order and in God's order and purposes, he's ordained to find foundational institutions, the home of the family and the church that he's given some ministries and duties that are to be carried out in the home of the family others there to be carried out in the church now in the home and the family. Chief among the duties he's given to the home and family is the care of children in the care of elders. That's to be primarily done in the family there certain exceptions, but that's primarily work to be done now in the church's chief among the church's responsibilities is preaching the word to minister the word and administering the gospel to listen to me. Satan works incessantly at reversing this order or at least getting out of balance. You wouldn't believe the ministers I've met through the years and I believe their good brothers, and perhaps they met well and they will constantly talk about expanding their energies caring for the physical needs of people and they do it over and over again and then I watch their study habits listen to their preaching and it's definitely suffering is because they're out of balance. There things that ought to been taken care of by families of the pastor was doing out in the family structure, physical needs, caring for the elderly, caring for the sick that many pastor doesn't do that but it must not do it to the neglect of his primary duty which is centered in the church which is preaching the word Satan because he amounting something so I know pastors watch our broadcast. It's so rewarding, humanly speaking to minister to minister to people physically and their physical needs and be it's just rewarding because they preaching so much. But if you're neglecting their spiritual need by not being ready to preach the word you're actually hurting them more than your helping. Unfortunately a lot of pastors and churches were they esteemed their physical need a lot higher than their spiritual need. So the price the pastor for doing that which is the primary ministry of the home and heal neglect his primary duty in the church.

Anyway, we got to be careful because Satan loves to work these get them in reverse order and out of balance but for the younger women who are caring for their widowed moms or grandmom's or maybe just elderly parents. The Bible is pointing out you are performing a try ministry. Not only is this a spiritual duty. It's it's it's what I call a basic human duty, even the loss people get this which are performing a try ministry. First of all, it's an ordained service to your parents is an ordained spiritual service to your parents, God ordained, it's an ordained spiritual service to the local church because that way their care didn't fall back on the church and it's an ordained spiritual duty to God himself. That's Christianity one-on-one with our common human duties. God's given man and his Christians, we must make sure we fulfill the in this context it was younger women taking care of their own widowed mother's and grandmother. Now what I call pastoral ministry 101 VI or for rather IV pastoral ministry 1011. I bring this up because right in the middle, in verse seven he says something to Timothy about what he's to do frisks prescribed these things as well so that they may be above reproach. They said the exact same thing in a different context up in verse 11 of the previous chapter, prescribe and teach these things that word that we translate prescribed literally means continually command continually command that hears pastoral ministry 101 what I mean by pastoral ministry 101 here something that should be a a mark, a continual mark of your ministry.

I call it authoritative repetition authoritative repetition there certain things you're going to say over and over and over and I we should try to save them differently, use different illustrations.

Don't be dull and boring and repetitious in that sense. But if you're faithful to God's truth. You have to keep doing what Paul tells Timothy to do. Keep on commanding these thing is all I can say to you have to keep on commanding them because people get amend within the legal back out again and they're just a necessity but might affect the you get tired of hearing the gospel of Jesus Christ. I certainly do not. It's good to hear it over again and it it it even after your converted. Of course, you need to hear the gospel because you are continually being sanctified, you are say but you're continually being saved and you need that preaching think about the repetition and the word of God. For example, if you study the theology of Romans, and then you go to study goat Galatians you find the same theology repeated in Galatians and if you study the doctrines and theology of Romans and Galatians you find it repeated again in Ephesians and then if you study for live flip intro fight it repeated again in Philippians and then again in Colossians and basically the cat in the Scripture it said differently. Some different terms, but the basic doctrines of the faith are continually repeated in the word of God. When Paul gives instructions for home life the mother the father the children's role in a Christian home these is basically the same thing to the church. The church at Ephesus.

He says to the church. A classic there's an authoritative repetition. The four Gospels different men get different perspectives but nevertheless the central narrative of Christ coming his death, burial and resurrection and ascension, and the doctrine surrounding that are the same. Matthew Mark Luke and John, authoritative repetition, pastoral ministry 101 is preach the word and don't be afraid to re-preach the truth you preach the here's the beautiful thing about it. A biblical preacher is a repetitive preacher because these doctrines are repeated throughout Scripture, but he's also a progressive preacher like use the word progressive in our modern culture context, but nevertheless it fits here. He's a progressive preach what I mean by that. He preaches the same doctrine, but as he studied and grown and experience. He has richer insights and richer understandings. So though it's the same doctrine. It comes apart and comes across in new ways and new richness and new understanding new insight and in new power pastoral ministry 101 so we've looked at the worthy widow, the one the church ought to be fully committed to care for and support.

She must be vetted got begot appraise the situation. She should always be honored and she should be materially supported. Then he talked about the worldly widow who gives herself total wanted access, and taking her new widowhood and freedom to pursue the world and she should not be supported by the church that we talked about Christianity one-on-one the basic are the common human duties that we have in Christian should be doing those and that's those Christian duties will talk about that just a second, more but that's the home and caring within the home and in the course pastoral ministry 101 authoritative repetitiveness and preaching work now Iona. I don't spend long on each one of these, but let me give you now some conclusions for practical application spent a good bit practical application.

Let's expand out even beyond this direct context of caring for widows and must talk about more the rest of us. Let's say number one, C is number 100 conclusions for practical application understand common human duties. Our Creator has given all of mankind things that are natural to humans that don't apply to the other parts of creation things that are self authenticating other words, even the unbelievers know these things are right to we might call them as I think one color called in their humanly their unique to us there inherent to humankind and one of these basic are common human duties is the love of family.

I mean everyone knows that's right below the family just right right there many who do not know Christ who are very devoted to this principle. Why because the creator put it in them. It's common to mankind. And this is what separates us from the beast not not trying to be graphic, but I like watching these wildlife shows and I found it very interesting the first time they sold this pride of lions in the old leader. The old dominant male had gotten weak and one of the young stronger males killed him so that he might take over the pride after he killed the old dominant male.

He proceeds to literally eat all the cubs recently birthed by that old dominant male because he wants to remove any trace of him from the pride think that's just grotesque and awful with folks. That's what beast they're not of humankind.

They're not made in the dignity and the image of God as we are, but among human beings we don't approach things that we self afterward and some terrible things among humankind today. What about the abortion industry.

Yes that is true, but in their heart of hearts they know it's wrong. They know and that's a lot rent one of the reasons why we see so much screaming and marching and protesting are trying to quiet their own conscience were human beings made in the image of this holy God is a sacredness to us in their common human duties. We all know in our hearts are right in one of those is love and care within the family. Now in our context again so serving in caring for widowed mothers or grandmothers is natural to all humankind will number 200 conclusions for practical application.

True spirituality does not neglect common human duties. True spirituality does not neglect common human duties. In other words, the woman who would neglect her home to be at the church too much and she doesn't mean she doesn't have time for both which is out of balance sheet think Alonso spiritual I'm going to believe neglect my home and my husband know that's Paul would tell you know that's not your spiritual duty.

You understand, Christians must excel in the common human duties. God's given all mankind. For example, children honoring their parents. That's a common human duty it's inherent in mankind we know that's right all mankind knows this right spouses being faithful to their marriage. Violence the institution of marriage itself. What demented pastor.

We we live in cultures today that reject all that adultery open marriages. They can say all they want and they can do all they want, but in our heart of hearts they know it's wrong. They know it's right in ordained of their creator to be faithful to our spouses. The principle of working if you're going to eat. Remember, Paul writes to the Thessalonian church. Some of them were being lazy is it. If you don't work you donate, I mean saving him say that's a common human duty. We know that's right again as I mentioned earlier, the sanctity of human life. We know that's right honoring our authorities and or elders. It's one of those common human duties. We know that's right. And then of course to honor God. Here's my point. He's there is evidently some ladies in the church who are not taking care of their own widowed mothers, but maybe there at the same time spending a lot of hours after testing their spiritual he should your your upside down.

If you're Christian, your spirituality is shown first in these common human duties we should excel at those over and above what the world does in those areas that all get out that there's also the balance and everything is there an audit.

I've seen many people who've made an idol out of the home and they neglect God's church that's not what Paul is saying in this context he was dealing with the opposite extreme number three conclusions for practical application children have a debt to their parents and grandparents verse four. He tells says make some return to your elderly parents. They brought you in this world they loved you they cared for you. They supported you. They educated you. They met your needs and provided many of your wants and we are bound to the utmost of our ability to strive to give them their wants in their old age.

The Bible would tell us that ACN against the family is a sin against humanity. But for thus those of us who are Christians.

It's in the deepest sense of sin against Christ. It's wholly unthinkable that those born of the spirit and those belonging to Christ would willfully sin against this most basic of common human duties, caring for the elderly in their own family. Roman are rather, number four under conclusion for practical application.

If God removes some of your common human duties, then the void should be filled with service to the Lord in your local church.

That's what he commands about the widows here. These ladies are now free from the duty to their husbands. He's passed on their free from raising the children their grown and she's to be one who now feels her energies in her lives with service to the Lord.

Number five, you can be born of the spirit, yet dead in spiritual effect. You can be born of the spirit, yet dead in spiritual effect couple good cross-references here were he brings up the same basic truth. This is why don't think that when he says she's dead. While she lives in our taxi means absolutely she's unconverted, I believe he just means as a Christian at this time. She's not a beanie spiritual good example in first Corinthians 3.

Three pieces you are still fleshly, since there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not fleshly and are you not walking like mere men you're walking in the flesh is not of the spirit that indwells you your acting like you're not even a Christian right now. Matthew 1623, he turned to Peter and said get behind me Satan. Your stumbling block to me. If you're not sitting your mind on God's interest but managed for this moment, Peter was no spiritual good. He was acting as if he were dead spiritually saying Jesus going to the cross is not the will of God and Jesus at the site, your acting like Satan. Right now Satan hates me, going to the cross.

Peter one premeditated, but at this moment he had fallen into false thinking and false view if you will, spirituality, try to keep Jesus from the cross and we all can do that in our context, the widow who feels her life with Walt and worldly pleasures is spiritually dead.

Even though she's alive now our last will number six. Love your mother or grandmother, no matter what. If you look at verse four, where he says you ladies who are younger, you must first learn interesting is his learning may not human, I feel like it.

You learn to practice piety in regard to your own mother, grandmother, this is acceptable in the sight of God. It's just a very clear point that this is when you're really showing your spirituality. The look you can be super devoted to your mother and grandmother and be Carl and worldly, but a true Christian who loves God understands this is my service to God in balance with my service to my own husband Mont home in my local church, but I must make sure she's taken care of. There's not one thing in that verse that talks about the mother's qualification or worthiness are the grandmother's qualification or worthiness. He just says that your mother it's your grandmother take care of because some people may say, but you know what you don't know my past. You don't know the abuse my mother failed me. My mother abandoned on home.

My mother was foolish and worldly and a lot of her need today is because she spent her life in sin, will we've already supported and laid out that it is natural for humankind to care for the elderly and elderly mom in particular and I would add is natural among humankind. The house resentment, bitterness, even a refusal to care for a parent who has failed to but can I remind you that though it's natural to feel that way if you're born of the spirit in your child of God. You're not natural or supernatural your born of spirit, Christ lives in you. You have Christ indwelling you the Christ who loves you and your unworthy so I say to you love them anyway. Care for them anyway and thus be like Christ.

She's the only mom you have. Can I just close on this Mother's Day saying that obviously you always want to make sure your mom, your grandma knows that you love them. But on this day. Let's go the extra step. This make sure they know that we love them.

I know in some cases we can even hug her neck that's hard and I have come to understand God has made us to need physical contact. So reach out to mom and grandmom today grandma all grainy whoever she keep us and make sure they know that you love them even if you might be in one of those rare spots where they really failed you. You make sure you're not resentful, you make sure you're not bitter you make sure you love them anyway