Fatherhood- Responsibilities, opportunities and dangers After Hours

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This is the Truth Network are going to French, and the heart and vascular journey after hours time, so sit back and masculine starts here welcome to masculine journey after hours and if you missed the regular show menu missed a great show. Why don't know that I thought was good rubbing to diamond is absolutely great and we ended up at Mike's and every handy day indeed. You know whatever ADA entity, and maybe that's archived and speaking anti-indie is not here is the map and be up next time yesterday with this kind of just a cryptic busy to make it there wasn't really any explanation, and it was like I think it's you now I want to go to Bojangles in the set at home and watch TV and Annie yeah that's directed right at you, my friend. Anyway we've been talking about fatherhood right in the the opportunities the responsibility that together backwards responsibilities the opportunities and the dangers of fatherhood and working it came from. I was trying to catch up on some TV shows that I hadn't watched in a while and just. It seemed like all the different shows that I had had watch. There was something to do with the father. One, it just sounded happy to be that week. You know that I administer whatever it was, but then I started to think about all the movies you know and I just watch a movie over the weekend. It was all about the father went called Kodachrome on on Netflix.

It's got some pretty harsh language and deals with pretty difficult topics, but it's the whole shows about the father when yeah and it's actually ready to rouse Mike and say this responded that there was nothing there to make a sound of liberals show some love. If you make it sound in the wilderness.

Nobody is here that apparently you have the second Sam site use as stop watching TV. I know once all the time, the undersigned selected relaxant came to watch it and I was when you talk about like Elvis father went soft on outside Mooney Mooney wounding site danger danger Will Robinson.

It is been. I think that's if we were honest and had the opportunity to share openly about her life and had the context she's to share openly about her life. I think it would be most people stories know there's a father wound in there somewhere and a mother wound and smother ones in a long way.

United it you can't escape this life without getting it at some point right and giving them unfortunately and forcefully so we left off from the show we were talking about opportunities and and Harold didn't get a chance to share about opportunities going to go ahead and let you assure that before we move on to dangers his opportunity as it's Halloween and he gets to dress up like princes life that lay kind value right. It's got to go to Leah combination yellow yellow yellow like that thought, that is occurred to me. The last few minutes of all the stuff going on.

We like the seven stages early in the rest of I think opportunity is one of the things that is the strongest that we have. Most of us can look at the responsibility for providing our family.

Those kinds of things but one of the things that I just have such a great relationship with my son who lives here locally and I think it's because I took advantage of opportunities when he was young, growing up, to develop a relationship with him that identified us as yes father but also buddy Ian for many years now have had a close relationship like to best buddies.

He always treats me will respectfully like you should treat a father but also he's free to joke with me. Have fun. We do things together and truthfully outside of this group is probably the closest buddy of God you guys come close, but I have to say are still second-place is much as I love you but that's the one thing I would encourage fathers to do's to take advantage of opportunities to develop that other relationship with your child. How did you develop those opportunities. What types of things would you do that to foster well go to ball games go to movies, listen to IE I used to listen to music videos whenever brought up one exactly my preference but because of a jazz fan but ZZ Top was great and so we had, you know we had a lot of opportunities that that I took to be with him doing things that he would like to do and we we developed a really close relationship and not a thing that many fathers don't have it when things that I think Heidi actually suggested to me when Caleb was little or I got it. Now it I got it from the heart is what it was was we would do every couple six weeks every couple months. Something like that.

I would put a note underneath is is dinner plate and when he got clean up B this note and say were going on an adventure I and I would never tell them what the adventure was United time. Okay this is what closing you take whatever lies in your one time rented a Colts training camp and on watch that you we just did all sorts of stuff you know, fishing or whatever it might be that it was a day that we go spend an with him in a good portion day and I continued that with Eli in on. I think the signal was was there as your priority unity.

I want to schedule something with you and I want to surprise you right and not at the time I didn't think it was going to have the fruit that it did, but I think you have that I think just having real conversations with your kids in conversations is a two-way thing you know, not trying to convince them to your way of thinking, trying to help them to think for their own right to critically think and on its that Caesars said than done, but I think that that's a big opportunity just to kind of listen and find out where their heart is in and when they know you listen, there's there's deftly some deposits made there and that relationship into doing something positive, site get to say that you just touched on danger which is I think I was feeling pretty good taste to talk about how great that you are and I think the first and the first what I was saying that I was gonna do cats in the cradle but I couldn't take it because that was how I felt about my parenting that I got to thinking in the break here. Well you know I did. Scouts with my boys and I coached basketball team and I will try to pat myself on the back until I realized that quite often when I was doing right both responsibilities and the opportunities were coming out of my own selfishness. So I did not feel like I was a good father and the one of the things that I felt was my responsibility that fit in well with being selfish as I was preparing my children to be on their own as I didn't want them in the house after they were 18 and I was successful with that responsibility, but it came at a price of having them not out of my life but they've been long stretches, especially with my boys not talking I have the opportunity. Have a great conversation with one a couple weeks ago when we went down to visit them actually get out mother son is too busy day had enough Or the khaki Avenue that's it really was hidden home. Some of the lines of the song, but when we did the father wound. I'll set up after this one because I probably will pillow talk too much longer. One of the things I did out of that. As I went to my boys and apologized for the wounds. I know I gave them an neither of them said they were wounded, but they both said we knew you loved us doing out of that.

So that would be the success you want to see your kids later.

You might not want to push them out the door as fast as you can know that stuff.

Jim, thank you for sharing where move more into the danger part in this particular clip is from TV show called Ted Lassa and innocent.

It's it's about a soccer coach football coach that's coaching soccer over in England we are to clip last week from but he's so nice to everybody and really invest himself in their lives and you don't know what his story is and so they bring in the psychologist to work with some of the team that struggling you know with her performance and just help them work through issues and so they could perform better on the field and be happier individuals in a typist often and so the psychologist starts saying he Ted when you come to meet with me and he's putting it off, but enough that it often so they met a few times and he refuses to go very deep.

And then she opens up and shares with him some stuff about her life. Well, fast-forward. They've had played this big soccer match. I don't remember whether they win or lose, but the first call he makes is to psychologist and counselor and wants to share with her some of his story and so you have the beginning of this clip where he sharing in on a phone call doing it and then they later we come back to her some music playing and that's when they're in the session and she's can help them work through it by asking the question, what was it the really loved about your dad right and helps them move toward some healing and it, but I want you to hear the power of a grown man and something that happened at 16 years old when his father committed suicide that he carries with him every day.

My father killed himself 16 at half me mama's sorry to look, and hope that maybe some issues stem from June to about it now know… I need to get inside of the team has one now he would not have that he will be Hollywood only really got it working out with friends is going to write down that I would never go away.

They get by without understanding my thought is illegal appreciate the escrow. I like the show, so that's it's got some serious topics with the release humor you right behind it that you deftly have this man. He's made a vow that he's always going to let people know where they stand in is always in love people.

Well, you know that's really affected a lot of lies but it's not led into healing right that's a problem with the bow in and then honestly always negative, and not necessarily something that's evil Oregon I'm never going to trust anyone again enunciate you getting a shell, it sometimes they can be really good things that they don't lead to healing right and so Ted starting to find some healing as we find Aaron he's able to start forgetting his dad at this point and yet that's one of the dangers is no. We can hurt our kids something we think killing itself is not a minor thing not saying that that we could do something really minor right we don't think it's a big deal that our kids carry for a lifetime right if not careful. And then password enough at something big like that. Oh my gosh you know there's no answered questions are in all these things right.

And of course Ted's minister will anyone would you have clips like that and and like going to the boot camps and that's where I learned that I didn't know anything about a father even nominally from this our talk this evening drive home.

Think about things like that but you boot camp was a big part of that getting me to to deal with those things one said I didn't realize I had from that. That's similar in terms of the suicide but I had a lot of verbal abuse and I rise how much of that carried over into the anger that you that I had not grown up, but because of those things because of these clips things we talk about but can't go back to boot camp. You should come to boot camp, but because of those things it actually made me a better father with my my son got four kids and three girls and a and a son.

He's five years old. He's the third child and I'm doing things very very different with MBR at five years old were best friends and I can walk in the door. He comes running up to me and punches me in the stomach. That may sound weird but we wrestle we play we have like the times and I look for the teachable opportunities and he brought a sucker to me the other day and wanted me to open it in his sister's right beside of minutes last sucker and said Jacob is that the last one we will locate your sister sister wants it. What you think you should do.

I want to secretary that I understand that but what do you think you should do well. This last one, and she really wanted some and give it to Sissy like I'm proud of you putting your middle fist pump their love using those things. Teachable moments. Now the daughters that's like playing Russian roulette.

That's different.

Again, I'm blaming the boot camp is going after the heart of your daughter.

I tend to over correct and that wrecking the car anyway you looking for ways to fix some of those things along the way, how you love them in the midst of you notices €14 a teenager. I remember the harp.

She had when she was little and I still want to try to keep you still wanted to be the little girl that loved her daddy and now is all you can do to get on the say hi and give you a hug right. It's a different world, that the dangers and we'll talk about the dangers of of rearing our children. Danny mentioned you teach the child in the way they should go. They won't depart from it. And as hard as we try.

While that is a promise in Scripture it's not always reality you like to be with Scripture you seek Hezekiah's greatest king whoever lived, but he still had a very evil son so we can tend to beat ourselves up and think we could've done better.

Sometimes we done all that we can do it just like us and our kids have their own minds.

They get the they get to make a choice. They need you have something new catalyst story is a recent set of the motions of enrolling my family is mom passed and have a conversation with dad a while back and it is kind of a threefold deals, cool, and I was talking about and never been an emotional graph. I'm just the opposite crowd drop but I ask you about the acid you, we'd look at you growing up and you are like to a member when his dad died worse into the funeral.

I'm 18 or something that I'm looking for some. I think I will dad.

He strolled and he's weeping about the rock has melted so we were talking about that and he said you know he's I tried to bottle everything up the session and then he said, but I felt like I had to be strong and I thought wow there's a perspective that I'm looking at you like you're the man I'm not.

It was a wound that actually came out and talking to my daughter about the same thing. She said that she's always appreciated the fact that you did show your emotions, she should actually look at that as a strength.

So, some healing that happened and now as I sit here and listen the number of just asking.you know what have anything to offer here at MF for like the one thing that is really come through for me is I just keep praying and praying for him. I love my kids. I love my my whole heart. I keep praying God to show me a crack in the armor somewhere where I can get in as they get older you and I was in on my did.

That's my constant prayer and I was listening to Brandsmart podcast. Or maybe it was a good solid podcast on the things from the part and Morgan's daughter was like 15 or 16 and he was going to give her a promise ring. But the promise wasn't that she wouldn't be in no not promiscuous whatever but the promise was that he was going to her this ring that he promised that he would love her forever and that's what this promise ring meant from him and I was it. It just broke my heart because I thought Manley that it been cold to do for my daughter when she was at age and condescend as you know, he'd hurt her all that a simple one about now only why can't you give will now and maybe I could, you know, maybe I could and so I told my wife and I know she was like oh that would be so cool and down I think is couple Christmases ago and we went out and got the ring and and I just can't even begin dish to share that that was itching through the armor right but that hears this struggle relationship. I made all these mistakes, you know, she was strong-willed. I was harsh, all those things. But God continues to give us opportunities if we lovingly pray or just looking for that little crack somewhere were we got an opportunity to go in there and and actually with both my daughters.

I've had some of those in spite of so I hope that that that you have hope out there was, and that even if your in the front where I am like wow I'd like to figure out a way to get back in. I mean I think if you, for me, if I really really continue to love and continue to pray God's coming give me opportunities as I was to shows like this and I try to try to learn is able to take that idea and did it with my youngest daughter around the fire pit one night with the letter loved ones around and it just meant a lot to her heart you know and because she was attended. She's only doing adventures with my sons from a distance.

She was Artie in college you know at that point and I think there's something under that kind of wondered okay why did you really do that with muted father daughter dance but it wasn't as intentional and so is an opportunity can you speak back into her life.

One thing's going to share about the power of the boot camp is. I probably wounded my kids the most out of her a wound that I had right which was, you have nothing to say no is going to listen to, you know. And if you listen to show very long. That's when the longest wounds that I've had for my oldest sister since as long as I can remember, and gradually worked on it but before came to boot camp.

You know my kids wouldn't listen. I would get into very very irate ice quickly right and I never knew why. It just made me so mad until I went to boot camp and God help me unpack that when you know it I got this thing over like you're going to listen to another, you're going to listen and whether they were in a three year they were 13 and they were going to listen to them and grounding them. Whatever it took.

I and as I got more healing in that it allowed me to have more grace with them in on. I didn't have to. I can still want them to listen in to show me respect that I wasn't going to get to the point where I was so vocal or so angry or whatever the case may be your overreactive right now that doesn't really work.

I guess with a restaurant in a pickle because it still kinda makes me mad and I don't think that I've asked for it like every still working on this. Can't get the typical breakthrough is her dinner tonight to see how you doing I'm not there I yeah I just ordered meals without pickles and when you indent just arriving what you're talking about. There just one God asking him what he would a fencepost do if we do it on our own. We are in a mess that I just recently found something where what you I blended my daughter and doing some things that I saw needed to be done something to be taken on the house and but it did it hurt her heart because she had spent so much time on some of these things, it was part of her identity. She was, but there was darkness there that need to go and when I found it idea that I wanted to address it right then and there wanted to go and have a talk. Sit down. This note more of a why do you think that is toxic things. About this and and and God said no, not right now and out and I got really stealing.

I did ask you what I do about this we would all get a little take care of itself in time whenever what you do and how right now and then I could have. I could have made things much, much worse it could have betrayed some things with her in terms of her privacy and things like that in the way that I found it even cleaning up her room and found the writing that she didn't enter it so could've indicative put up another wedge in between a store she wouldn't talk that much more. But that same night I blended upland Nazi at the table with the family and no it was a great time. Again, this is my oldest daughter. We it's hard to get her to talk to me. She's 14 years old and put it that the Aussie tech table look at the game table. Everybody's everybody and what my wife and I will do will start asking questions more plant and get them the can open up about something they don't even realize they're doing it it's it's really cool how that works, and I found through my youngest son who cannot drive. If I have him drive you will talk you because he can't look at his phone and said he'll talk you the whole time he's driving. If I'm driving, there's no conversation. It sounds like they want to drive but this is first for a man just asking staff will share with me a targeted house through the exact disease got nothing else to do the driveway so he's willing to talk itself. It's interesting you mention that she's at the age now or she's start driving next year and the wife is she starting to drive the four wheeler on the property. Start and drive our car up to the barn to take care of the chickens. My life is like you maybe should figure out teacher to drive in Alton world like my dad had me driving and I was 12 years old by myself and Garcia recommend recommend that we we would go to the school parking. You and I hate to admit I took my kids have done at North Carolina Police Department's vision for Canada district and we will take his last name so you can't really go. It had happened and we talk a lot about boot camp does not really her intention going into the show that when it makes such an impact in your life you just want to share it and all I can say is please really consider coming to the BPM coming up November 18 to the 21st and having a Beautiful Pl. in Marksville yes her beautiful places in Marksville were to have it out there asking journey.org this is the Truth Network say what would you do if you were a new Christian and you didn't have a Bible like a Woolworth my way from the Bible, the international you probably say well it happened my car I go to Christian bookstore or have one shipped to me with those word options sing with the faith.

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