Blame

This is the Truth Network of every man is a great imager but why does it usually feel that way. Jesus speaks of narrow gates wide roads masculine journey is filled with many twists and turns. So how do we keep from losing heart trying to find a way when life feels more like a losing battle than something worth dying for, grab your gear, request your band of brothers will serve as the guides and what we call masculine journey masculine journey starts here now welcome masking journey we're very glad to have you with us today and Robby have got a question for you.

We are 19 leaves away from something.

Any idea what that might be my daughter's birthday B 4 July just now, not 19th 19 1980, 00 man, that's horrible, yet is 19 day before. What February 16 through the 19th. I want to say that they write about July. Robby's up early. It takes medicine Is July 16 through the birthdays.

Apparently, July 4, which is an even between their silence that what is good for that kind of backfired. We are 19 days away from boot camp go register for the Baskin dirty boot camp coming up on July 16 through the 19th and 9/20 6220 whatever tour date starts on Thursday and on Sunday, 16 to 19 and so that this week only me you have a lot on this part of the process so that this week where were talking about continuing to talk about a a trilogy now sometimes shows we think is a one time show where we did the at the pillars of man, which I thought was like for episode today that they had like out of four months 24 pillars we could ability that we wanted guidance on his amazing God had to continues to take us on a journey and so we started a few weeks ago.

Rodney kinda brought the topic a guilt to us. It's one week thing will talk about guilt or making deals with it. That type of thing and then shame came next and then from that came in this week's topic which is blame it on so we continually think this is the last week of the topic got a letter to know whether we want to continue on with it, but to want to go ahead and jump to you real quick to answer your question I didn't prepare you for because you know I like to do that. That's awesome.

So for people out there shame and blame, they can almost sound interchangeable, but they're not the same thing either no and thanks for throwing that really deep question at me. Thankfully we did have like two seconds of conversation about it earlier so I won't sound like a total poser when I answer that question. But Jesus Jesus is the answer to question that you know shame. I think is more of what I do when I'm trying to motivate someone else to action. Right I'm shaming them so they'll stop something or they'll do something blame is shifting away from my need for fraction coming if I need to change something in my own life.

If I spend enough time blaming you. I don't have to worry about me anymore then. So whereas shame is trying to motivate you to action.

I think blame is really me avoiding action.

I need to take that absolutely none. So we we shame people hoping that they'll take on some type a guilt for what they've done blame. We just don't care whether taken or not, were children throughout their way right and so there's something different. There is only get to the clip we got some clips from some oldies but goodies ones that we've used before in different context was kind of amazing how God will recycle these and say hey this actually applies to the steward applies here so gently set up the first clip from the movie the blues Brothers brothers Jake is encountering Carrie Fisher, who he left at the altar and she is extremely heavily armed and they are trying to get away and she's between them and escape you The cleaners like the one aspect of blame is trying to shift guilt away from me right to take attention off of me and what I did and put it somewhere else, which is what he's doing there not know you just watch this movie this last weekend right it is I'm assuming it's not the first time using know it's not I remove you.

My son and myself and he thought it would be to get there to celebrate Father's Day bus watching the movie. So we did. But I so relate to Jake because am very good at blaming others like I need to get the church building early to get set up for PowerPoint and so forth. And it's always late, but it's not my fault if my wife didn't get ready in time or the goddess driving 15 miles an hour below the speed limit that's in front of me in an area where I can't pass it's always somebody else's fault is not mine. I'm perfect. You realize your wife listens the show.

Oh yeah, she'll not only good on their but just like Jack said I love you baby exactly said that that's one aspect of blame and there's lots of aspects of the cover today on the show and then on the after hours because the enemy uses this tool as much as he does anything else is he has a lot of different uses for it may may come from different sources but but the goals all the same to drive you away from healing, restoration union with God.

Those types of things incident I would like for you to set up this next clip from our new favorite yeah Renée Brown yeah you guys are calling her béarnaise sauce early and Renée Brown.

We've used her clips or a clip from her.

The last two weeks in a row and his reason for that. If you've never listened to bring a brown negotiating a lot of stuff on YouTube and Demeo and stuff you don't like Ted talks and you just look up bring a BR in the Bray Brown and she has a lot of stuff on shame, vulnerability, blame, guilt, all that kind of stuff but yeah she's talking inherent in its acute clip because she tells her own personal story where she's mad at her husband, whose name is Steve because Steve has done something that's gonna rock her world a little bit. So what will go into there and just let her explain it any of your flamers. How many of you when something goes wrong the first thing when it is his confidence that the couple years ago when I first realized the magnitude to which I blame my house. I'm on my flaccid pink sweater, sat drinking coffee in the kitchen. The full cup of coffee on the tile floor union pieces all over me first and second after it hit the floor right out of my mouth. Steve you how fast this works for water pullout with a friend and I before he went ahead and exceeding that content can ever possibly consider getting 30 so I went and got a little bit later than I thought Erica my 2nd cup of coffee that I probably would not be having come home.

When we discussed for calls caller ID in my what's going on going on downtown when something that happens the first thing is his fault. No one's fault, because why you think existence and control the here if you enjoy blaming.

This is where you should stick your fingers in your area and I think you're going for you is, here's what we have from the research blame is simply the discharging discomfort and pain has an inverse relationship with accountability. Accountability by definition is a vulnerable process and calling you and saying how my things are really heard about that and talking not blaming blaming is simply a way that we discharge people who blame a lot seldom have an grant actually hold people accountable because we expend all of our energy ranging for 15 seconds and thinking blame is very corrosive and relationship opportunities for empathy because when something happens and were hearing the story were not really listening were in a place where I was making the connections as quickly as we can stop something while there's so much in there. You know that some fly swats something you electric you should and I discovered water Polo Marco Polo that I played that C is likely close but this whole aspect of pain. You know that it's the discharge of pain. How would you rephrase that, for someone will quite pick up what you say so for me I picked up on the rage part, the discharging of blame usually looks like rage in my life.

If if I'm discharging my pain that someone I'm feeling may be's. It's Robby's fault.

Maybe it's not Robby's fault, but the rage that comes out is usually me trying to grab control again and discharging and letting you know that the pain is coming out in the form of rage. Rage for me is always about getting control back that's what I've learned is when I feel out of control I got to do something to get control back and if you know if it's kindness and gentleness.

Okay, but that takes time. Rage almost works immediately as soon as you start raging people to what what what what what what's going on and now have control because now I can go well let me tell you what's going on. Robby, you hurt my feelings. You know, and that is that discharge.

I don't like the feeling of pain.

I don't like the feeling of being vulnerable and going okay. I need to talk to Robby about this. How am I going to do that.

I don't like having to take the time to go to Jesus and say okay Jesus, how do you want me to talk to Robby about this and rage just shortcuts all of that blame shortcuts. All of that and just goes right to the so that I'll have to stay. I can stop feeling the pain because he finds blaming real fast. Maybe he'll go. Oh, I'm sorry, and take the blame. And as for my forgiveness and then we move on.

That's not a microwave version of it. That's not something that you're doing instead of you losing critical parts which will come back and talk about it in the break uses next couple commercials masculine journey.org register for the Boot Camp it's in July 16 to the 19th. Register now masking journey.org. Our friends at my pillow and change overproduction to make mass for hospitals, but they still have plenty of products are right now.

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The message that is change hundred change their marriages change the way they walk with God taking you guys cease-fire first promo here. Coming July 17 through the 19th. Register now@masculinejourney.org and that's why I sacrificed all my computer just a minute and talk about that that that thing actually like this on you guys are giving him a hard time like about 30 seconds of it so that could be part of it, but that Robby will go ahead and come to you and can have you kind of build on where we just left off. If you did some interesting studying on morning and pain in blame and all that you do. I did and it was a show I heard on the Truth Network hope for the caregiver.

He was talking about how we take this raging liquid. What now Darren just described. In order to try to control things rather than morning which Jesus promised you. Blessed are those who mourn because they will be comforted and so here you have this injustice, whatever it may be, and there's plenty injustice go around right this minute and you have an opportunity I can blame somebody for that, or if you look at morning in the Hebrew. It has everything to do with getting support and support, and support from Jesus, but also support from your brothers and sister saying I need your help because I need to face the pain door. In other words, there is there's door there's pain behind door number one and will you choose to open that what you choose to face it in order to do that is going to require support Jesus is going to support me or my brothers, support me because I see that you know I never even really understood this principle is to study this week and I thought about wow when I see Darren raging. I can go oh hurt people hurt people.

He's hurting.

How can I come alongside my brother and help him mourn the injustice ditties that he's obviously in in the middle of working at and so it's the solution that I really had not seen until just read here recently. But inside that word to mourn is the idea of gathering support to face to be in the presence of that pain so that you can be comforted through it in one sheet. Once you do there's a realistic solution rather than me yelling at my mother-in-law which I you know is one of my apps is really insightful for me to go wait a minute, I morning my wife's relationship with her mother. I'm mourning her as she gets older than the problem sheet sheet that comes with old age is where I should be. Instead, I want to grab control of it and so I scream at will and it's kinda hard, yet the enemy likes to take the blame. So let's say someone is raging rights of someone's raging and so the natural reaction is not what feels like a natural reaction is not to say hey how can I come alongside them as their like eating that's not out of me right now you know I want to turn on blame. Then I saw away from them. Can I get in and how can I blame them break as if they were enacting the way they were. I would have to retreat I would have to engage her when have to do whatever I'm doing, justifying my behavior based upon what they were doing and so Jim, the song really tousled about the saga get back to the topic that you does a good song. I liked it.

Listen to the whole thing is just outrageously funny and real at the site, Bob Bennett is a wonderful musician who buys her death and he introduces himself that way but he wrote this in the midst of the pain from his first wife leaving him and it's got a great line.

Shortly after that that yeah he's got 6 feet worth of books to tell them what were all and how did we get along before we knew all this stuff in the way we got along was addressing things and while there is a arranger and were both brilliant and godly man that we should be insulated by everyone at that pizza.

This the opposite.

Growing up for me any show of anger was a defeat. It was seen as well. If you get angry when you don't have a good solution to it.

So I went the opposite way and I have to do whatever it takes to blame others because I want you to save me as the wonderful person that I am that love me and if you don't talk is wrong with you so that the thing about the rage and well in all of the topics we've had no one to give you any chance of getting better. His guilt but if you have shame, then I'm broke and I can't be fixed, so why bother if you have blame it's your broken I don't need fixing.

I'm good, or that blame can be internalized, which went back to say thank you shame and in the enemy knows that it works that's way does it in the reason that it works like everything that he does. There's an element to truth to it. There's a loop. Maybe a small little small nugget if it was completely out of nowhere wouldn't work. Typically it's because there's some truth to it. You know when I blame somebody.

I'm feeling that there's some truth on my side and I always think there's a lot more truth than what there probably is, but there's usually some element that the enemies building on. That's what makes it have the power that it has now scripturally we have blaming that happens very early in the Bible right yeah I mean is like early as the garden, so to speak. It's the perfect blame to mean it's it's that woman you gave me.

It's her fault and you know we in pretty much you can just take that goal. It's that friend that you gave me. It's his fault. It's that car you gave me at it's that job you gave me. It's that boss you gave me. It's that child you gave me. It's yeah it's the locus there was a flood my talks didn't come back in the cleaners.

I love you baby. It wasn't my fault and and so all of that being said, blame allows us to no longer focus on us. It it puts the focus on somebody else and then allows us to go and that's not my problem so I don't have to worry about it anymore and that's a lie you and that that story of Adam and Eve. Yeah, he's, there's two pieces of blame going on there and he's blaming Eve's blaming God for giving me yeah which actually gets us to a clip about blaming guidance were to apply this from Bruce Almighty and some of our favorite clips to play.

It's about of the bird in the bush and I Bruce Almighty is not happy with God and he thinks he's got it out for them, such as listen to this exchange and come back and talk about real estate showing blessings are raining down upon you know that everything happens for a reason.

I don't that's cliché that's not helpful to me. Bush Bush Bush I see. So some guys picking on you know he's ignoring me completely is far too busy getting everything he wants all that's great Sam which Mr. target… Not Scottsbluff. I am not being a martyr.

I God is a mean kid sit on a hill with a magnifying glass to fix my life.

Five minutes if you wanted to burn off my feelers. What is completely understandable lining wrong so much worse.

0K/I'm not okay okay with a mediocre job okay with a mediocre apartment will it's the enemies goal is to drive us away from God and so he may not be as overtly as is received with Bruce Almighty. There, but we get there.

Sometimes you may start with were blaming the other person but his whole intent is to try to get us to include God in the mix somewhere. I think back to when I was married and and a lot of blame that my wife could have on me very easily and how much blame. I had on her, you know, and in life focused on that blame. It kept me in a very hurt disruptive place and then it became will guide you said this is going to be okay and it's not okay right we didn't tell me what okay was I was I thought I said but okay last night and it became mad at God you know and and it simply blaming God will guide you told me to hang in there. You told me that she told me that yeah it why study stay stuck in that part of blame. It keeps me from getting to the place of healing and restoration that my heart needs and when I could finally start to let go of some of that stuff that's okay got. I know that wasn't your heart and you wanted things to work out just like I did write. I know that she probably wanted things to work out, but something got in the way so I can really do at this point to say. Where did I go wrong. What did I do and that's where the healing restoration in the life comes back say I remember when the three of us went completely crosswise what was actually me and Sam versus Darren Frazier was rated I can tell you where origin when I am fully capable of raging as Darren would testify to. I'm sure but I remember completely and vividly how it was so easy to blame Darren blame Al or we could blame others, like people you blame blame anybody but then once we decided to really mourn what happened in face that door of pain. It was intensely painful. I mean those first few breakfasts it out with Darren and Anna. Why does it always happen over breakfast after 8 AM. We can't can't get it but you know what I'm saying when you when we faced, and we walked into the pain of that then God came to the rescue and and actually stepped in and provided the support that we needed in order to get the healing and and actually the unity that we now I feel more than we ever have a death lead to a stronger foundation than we've ever had in the past and I really want us to talk a lot more about that in the after hours show we get about a minute left in the Darren basement. Rob you say and what would you like to close all Robby's fault. That's what I finally came to know me. Everything was great then but now we do need talk about it in the after hours, but in the meantime, we want you to come to the camp. It's it's the messenger he began, but it might be the masked camp. You might need to wear masks might not, it's up to you become July 16-19. Get a masculine journey that authority to register really think all the safety precautions and social distancing to be able to have your own room.

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