1- Welcome to The Cure. A Place for Healing and Friendship

Brought to you by my MIC research length can bring many difficult situations, domestic violence, addictions, poverty and even sexual abuse by your loved ones welcome Amy Cobb and the Q and thanks for joining today here and I'm your host Amy, Bill, you're listening to live on 880 a.m. that day. We are alive every Friday from 2 to 3 PM that in the meantime, have a great salad today because I'm joined by Dr. Boris Nicolai how are you tired me think having this is this so basically I wanted to just give you little M explanation but does have joined us for the first time is so basically talking about different situations in life.

We are all faced with different challenges and different circumstances that come our way and ways that we can try to help one another. Another comment and the way that I came to start. This is platform for others to be able to communicate things to each other and be there for each other was that I started writing. I started by writing a book of my memoir, which was the story of my life called love is the answer.

God is secure and basically I wanted to show the world that somebody could go through very very difficult thing and I mean things that you wouldn't even believe possible and survive.

And you would not believe that possibly for me, my strength was finding God it was prayer, and with prayer. Everything else fell into place if there wasn't enough faith eventually that would come and if my behaviors weren't exactly the best. Eventually they I would start making better decisions behaving better.

I wasn't always on the right road. I wasn't always doing the right thing.

I didn't always have the support system. I didn't always feel blessed. I didn't always it was a time that I was an orphan and I felt very alone, but I never for one minute downloaded that there was God even when I was alone and no one at all in the world. There was God and I knew that he was somebody that I can turn to as a child, I did experience difficult things at three years old. We were in the Dominican Republic. My parents were studying medicine and my mother met my stepfather. He came into my life and I was three years old by the time I was seven. It was quite evident that he was sexually abusing and I said something to my mother. She believes me.

She rough them up but two days later he returned and had cause problems. My father was nice. I didn't want my parents to fight and you never to say anything again. I didn't know what was wrong.

I just felt that what I had done was wrong, I cause my parents to fight.

My father was sad even though my father had admitted he was sick and he was going to get help, but it was just kind of thrown under the rug and ignored after he came back two days later and they continued and it progressed until I was about 15 or 16 years old and this was sexual abuse on a daily basis. Every day my mother would beat me and almost every day and I lived a little bit of a different childhood. Our family was very close. We were nine children that we didn't know on's or uncles or grandparents and at one point my mother decided at the nine children to homeschool Javier nine eventually and you will discover this in my book. Eventually I found the strength to say something to my sister Michelle.

She then called the cops and all the children were removed and this big high profile case started that then you times and the Miami Herald called David Mosley anytime scalded the case from hell and needed six stories on and that case was from 1989 to 1994 there was my mother was a genius, so she had a good hold of the community and she had to go to hold that the media she had the police believing her claiming that we were just after their money because they were both parent. Me and my sister Michelle, my sister Michelle had been fondled not as much as I I was the virgin eyes than I was 12 and when I was 14. Sodomize every day was 15, so I learned that you just take things one day at a time.

You don't really let things get to you. I learned that God doesn't give us anything that we cannot handle, I learned that even when you're sad and when you feel depressed and when you feel like there's no way out. Know that that too will pass nothing last forever nobody's meant to suffer forever. If anything, I believe, are meant to learn from our experiences were meant to overcome her experiences were meant to set an example and to help others and believe it or not, everything that we go through because bad things will happen one way or the other week will one way or the other we come just a little bit wiser, a little more understanding a little bit more compassionate. It's June that God is always there. He's never leaves us alone even in our darkest moment. I remember as a kid I don't remember suffering much that I remember.

I would have my dark moments where I just didn't know I was confused that he know what I was feeling. I would going to the closet and closed the door in the darkness, I would be myself up to a different universe and everything would be okay as a young adult I minimized what happened to me. I put it aside. I felt like it was no big deal. I actually rationalized felt that well in febrile countries girls go through rape every day. This is part of life for them and you know it's really the way that you see things the mind is a very powerful thing and it's hot how you think see things and that got me by for a while that my behaviors weren't exactly the best and I did fall off the wagon and a did turn to drugs and a date got there my bouts of depression. I didn't know exactly learn to handle things very well so this is this is my story and I wanted to share with others to let them know there's always hope to never give up, but I have to tell you after I was 15 I ladling to foster homes where experience being raped some. Then I ended up with an abusive man man who used to beat me and then I went to 16 years custody battle and then my daughter almost got killed when she was 23 I have roommate that she got off Craigslist, but I have to tell you nothing hurt more than seeing your child suffer and that's what I wanted to talk to you guys about after the break. The effects of child custody battles can hurt a child and how they can devastate a family how the system can take advantage and the legal system can fail you later will be joined by psychologist Dr. Bruce Diebel told Don and he finished talk to us a little bit about the effects of families and divorces and child custody battles be gay. Love is the answer. God is the key work reveals from a very sincere and honest position in Cabo's life, a warrior who didn't give up and achieve the dream of her life.

You can get to know more about her at her story on www.godisthekeyword.com buying her book on Amazon.com and now we continue with daily gobble in the two on the BU. Welcome back to the cell for those that are just tuning in this picture, and I'm your host any Cabo if this is your first time tuning and focus on various topics, particularly mental health trauma that there is hope treatment options. We had fantastic guests.

Over the course of the last few weeks and I have with me today. Dr. Boris Niccolo who would like to share about town were talking now about child custody battles and the effects that they can have on children and for anyone that is that would like to share a story affairs and let us know if it had anything similar or would like to ask us any questions. The call-in number is 305-541-2350 because believe it or not I did in 14 years of custody battles. I did learn a few things that you, I was able to write a motion and make use a general master, when she was going to take my kid away, but the best advice that I can get anyone going to these things because what the father typically does is he cleans parental alienation and that is very hard to prove but the best thing that you can do is to write it down your word against his.

Doesn't count that they would consider hearsay. You must write everything down. Keep a diary.

Do it at real-time. Unfortunately for me he would write down a dear diary full of lies. So I can have it happen also so you have. Similarly, experiences like that, Dr. Boris, Niccolo, would you like to share sure you went through a lot in your life from your goals doing Sundaram but survived riches. What is the show is all about.

So about custody but also busy.

We need to emphasize a low tone. The situation in the emotional state of the child. So when two parents are fighting for whatever reason the child is the one that suffers, and unfortunately the legal system and in other states use a little bit complicated to put it away and a lot of people can abuse the system, filing unnecessary motions and false motions to try to to do so custody or take the child away from the other parent and this is devastating for the child.

The child really can suffer a situation like the and try to please both parents or doesn't know what to do while it's also important to understand the child's perspective, the child will love that both parents no matter what child doesn't see the bad in their parents. I never saw my parents as bad.

I didn't realize that they were bad or they were doing that things a child will always love their parents and one of the things that my daughter's father Ted was that he would try to him and his wife would try to poison her against me that the child will only grow grow to resent the father and is also another thing that I had to also do was keep my child, and therapy continuously because I believe that because her father was abusive with me emotionally, physically, I feared that he would be the same with her. So in order for me to protect her. I would have her in therapy once a week, knowing that so that she can have it self, self empowerment and feel like there's somebody there for her and she doesn't feel like she has to please either parent that there's somebody there for her that she can talk to and they just think that it's very important to take the child into account that the person that suffers the most. I remember the most difficult moments for me was when I knew when I would take her to her father's every other weekend visitation. Knowing that he's already's suing me for so custody claiming rental nation. I made sure I took her to this weekend. The cetaceans that in the well. You have a few, but you like familiar with Yen the way up there. My daughter Danielle would cry and cry and beg me mom please mom please please don't take me, and I've never, I never suffered like I did back then.

I never felt like I suffered at all. I saw my child suffer. Nothing is harder than the and knowing that this is a house where there gonna her father's house is a house where they can interrogate her were they going to get mad at her for missing your for crying for me with any try to poison her against me, a poisonous environment for her. But I cannot prove it and I was the single mother with no family and he had a business and all the money more money so I was that I was the underdog that God so it's okay.

But those of attorney help to that was God one day I was at bar and down it was in a big hotel. You know the bar downstairs in the big hotel and I had been sitting beside a some guiding us, you and me was a young, good looking guy in a suit so I just am a friendly person. I started talking to him and I do know one thing we were talking about one thing or another and somehow because it was something that weighed very heavily in my mind I started talking to him about what was going on with my daughter the custody battles 3 to 4 times a year.

The father claiming.

Until the nation. The wife backing him all of us against the world and I told them everything that was going on. He ended up being an attorney that works for prestigious law firm and he told me that he would help me and that's what got us. He puts people in your way that will help you when you least expect it. Believe it or not there's many many many blessings that we have some of us don't even notice and so he started going to court the first. I think you made it a full two times before he quit because when he went to court Brent's attorney would at Hocking so vigorously and he was no match that he left he quit because he went to another firm.

He left yet another firm so you left the case in the hands of his boss who had the kindness of his heart. This attorney is a wonderful attorney J Leavy decided to take our case pro bono, knowing that I was a single mother and my little daughter Danielle was my world and she was all I had and this attorney daily to take my case pro bono and the my time his father attorney was no match today. Leavy. Now he would never be on the opposition side always on the defending side.

He would never attack and he would do as minimal as possible. He did not want to make a mountain out of a mole hill. But yes, let me tell you, even though he didn't want to make a mountain over mole hill.

The other attorney may my daughter's father, attorney would definitely try to make a scene in line court member. My attorney would get frustrated.

I can't believe this is if anything like that they needed was a very honest attorney. I guess it was hard for different people.

Some people like some people don't I hear we have a were just on the phone doctoral done hi Dr. Rodin, welcome to this revenue. Tell me a little bit about yourself so that we can you now just inform the audience on who you are to go through a particular with the family mightily also certified you go. Thank you. It's wonderful having you here. Basically, I wanted to let you know that this is a show that deals with different trauma people go through different things in life and there's a different treatment options. Of course you know it's important to go to therapy to talk to someone to talk to someone that cares to take medication, even if it's just a 35% of the time that it's gonna work. But most importantly believe in oneself not to let anything keep you To believe that if there's a higher being and he's there for us to tell us what you experience with child custody battles and children that you counseled in the past couple for your Miami were Millman W UM.

Audit a worker was your expert in the area. What I was going my internship and always be pumping the whole family is made.

Hopefully you couldn't help but not been in ultimately what's important goals. Remember the I will talk about children little dog on back-and-forth, not really good level but your a lot of great facilities and help with all and I just for those writing and this is because they show called the cure on eight A.D.A.M. and talking about custody battles and how it affects families in children's and I'm joined by Dr. Nicolás. The doctor rolled off and I was just sharing doctor rolled off and Dr. Nicolás. I was just sharing with everybody how difficult it was the 14 years of custody battles that I went to do and how difficult it was but anyhow and fortunately for me I've always had a strong basis and foundation of faith in God, mostly all my life since I was a little girl that that wasn't so much the case for Danielle in. She really went through a lot of therapy and it was very difficult difficult for her and I just thought it was unfortunate because they believe in the in the courts. The children are too small to speak for themselves, and then the father if he has more money and he wants to lie he can use the legal system to abuse you. The mother and the child and mean what can children do our children able to have more voice than they already do what you post real bit everybody in your builder America group or current. Don't resource legal advice from your attorney who do work pro bono for the child. Over the years looking for child psychological, emotional, and really good look by what you will note battles with the most rational is adult group and that's why you have the court others try to protect the child emotional, but spirituality and I agree with you for that and I comes from parents and what the children wanting to university level and also to our mother workshop the polyglot by the wife or the goals intellectual, emotional and spiritual.

When I work with children, adults want to work to help balance the physical electrode emotional and I find I go back to trying to get people to balance their physical and how they could show themselves intellectual and emotional growth how to connect all those universe your children will have better resources will cope with situations. Children don't have the boys though it is kind of system is taking it away from them will suffer for many years before she finally was able to say you can't force me mom and 14 enforcement speaker.

But even though she was banging on the doors of the garden called the police. So it was no note for judicial going to say anything so children sometimes have a position within the day. Don't know what they want and we kind of needs fell on them.

Fill them, what's best.

All the court system is billing them with what's best for them.

Well, that's why I had to kneel in therapy every week that her father would block the therapist would not let her come into court would not let the doctor coming to court he would block everything. It's almost as if he who has the most money when and that's really unfortunate where is the voice of the child like when that the child matter what the solution lied and tells attorney. When did they take the child into account right perfect my music on my we learn a lot about what you're doing.

People educated know what going on with cases.

But like any development revolution. I would come a long way… It all still children from falling through the cracks. Your people like yourself and type of value that education is getting out there and little by little we can chip away at those imperfections and those holding back the child's life.

Little by little we are making to go forward exactly sure we do make an effort to go for and you know that's why it's an important topic to talk about because the more that we talk about it and the more that there's awareness to more that there's a possibility of change. Otherwise, you know, sometimes it's the little ones that we forget about and it you know something unfortunate that we are coming up on a break. However, and if you're just tuning in, this is the care and I'm your host Amy Cabo and thanks for joining us here and I am your host Amy Cabo we've been talking about the forest and the damaging effects it can have an family, particularly young children, especially if parents are not recognizing the children's perspective which is what we were discussing earlier and I'm also joined by Dr. Boris McConville and Dr. Gus rolled silk doctoral Dan I wanted to ask you, do you think in custody battles is it important to see children immediately begin counseling and how often do you think this is necessary just think he's even just in case they start tainting things in court and they allow the therapists to to be the voice for the advocate for the child jumping the plate with children of the world called about Sherwin. You go but you are causing more problems by calling them almost going on and will court you can go talk to you and the counselor will happen directly to the child has a good report with the counselor can be a child and this could even extend to the school counselor, I suppose, correct sure sure the background damage all qualified to be there. Counseling programs are just about curriculum and cooking classes job contrast, not necessarily the most schools do have most know what to child chanson.

Come find of stress in and know how to. There are medical orders when it comes in situations actually told you something because this one of the reporting is so it's probably a very good thing but is over abuse does well crime 22.2 and you will know what I agree with you but nonetheless well I'm just thinking just that the children can have mournful voice because some people I suppose would not be able to afford a therapist or don't have the way to get the child to the therapist and there's always an option that it's more visible, like a teacher that understands or a school counselor because one of the things that I learned through my experiences that writing things down or speaking to one another or to speak about things get you a step closer to the last stage of recovery which is acceptance sure there are also a trained emotional great schools find the right person and portals important.

You just went through a whole election cycle will realize that and see how they work. Doing all people who think that the divorce case, a judgment mandate is a court appointed therapist or court appointed guardian will lose my course will close program but when Amanda have to kick your children. And getting some type of flood might have to do brain and at least also teach the child that it's important to have communication and to talk about things and let them know that it's not scary to come to your teacher to an adult and that the child knows his avenues open for the child that would be important. I mean, in the case of custody battles, I would assume now when it comes to emotional abuse or physical abuse. It's very unlikely that the child or the victim will tell somebody because it's the thing that they feel somehow that it's their fault. They find negative ways of negative coping mechanisms, and then they start not liking themselves because they don't like their behavior because they don't like with the memories that dealing with her what they've been through and to me it's just a matter of changing your frame of mind tainting a way of thinking. You know, just accepting it coming to terms with okay so bad things happen you know what goes on and it didn't stop me from getting married. It didn't stop me from falling in love and having wonderful children and having all the things that I wanted in life where I wake up every morning and I thank God for every single blessing and that's where I really felt that I've always wanted to be.

So it didn't stop me from being happy or succeeding that I wanted to start this radio show and that's why I wrote my book because I no longer wanted to be attached to a taboo that everyone's afraid to talk about. I want people to know that you can talk about this with each other or with someone in a therapeutic manner. It's not that you broken or your child a lesser God. You just as capable you decide just as much your justice available, you just as willing, you know, you just have to go try and get the hell you you beyond trauma in a terrifically tomorrow. You have to live in the moment.

You have right now. Think about the perception of people that have been abused right now. Do you think that society things that they're less of lesser people than normal people do have an express abuse. Well, I think what he's trying to say is that people have more of a survivor attitude of more victim attitudes know going to see if people are labeled through think doctoral number of people are labeled and abused before but here's the thing. When you've been abused before. When you are a victim you leave yourself open to be victimized and people do tend to judge you and people think that you broken people give you the script and sometimes he played the role of other think is that I think that is not correct. Like for example people would be have been abused, but they the stigma before was like all the abuse their children. Next time I think does not correct or they're not emotionally stable, right, not everybody the going is going to abuse use emotionally stable Senate. I'm not perfect. I got my moments where I feel a little bad and I don't know why but I know that passes I know that it will pass. I know that there's a bigger picture. I know that the bigger picture is you know the things that I think of having my heavenly father and being a good person and being there for others and be setting a good example and really the past doesn't matter what you think your you will know your turmoil before most of stability. You remember those people still live don't have the overcome the mental health right politician to some type of situation were talking about sexual abuse and pointed out good.

Have a negative quotation is broken, but I think with the mental health is coming to light a little talking about the scope of the coaching look-alike.

Then we can talk about it but kept in the closet never talk about a skeleton deal with the knowledge of good and noble. Now we can have a conversation with a lot of long know somebody is so little but at least, I think that is not going with the person goes out to you so you can, I like to say thank thank God. Thank God we have that it's hard to believe God I swear it's that time again coming to close they think use deductible land divorce because all we had a lot of information to cover and I'm sorry that we didn't take any questions or we can make it through it all, that you stay tuned. We are live every Friday from 2 to 3 PM and you're welcome to call and if you have any questions. This has been here. I'm your host Amy Calvo and you can join us again next Friday. Thank you for listening to me, no, no, no, I see no policy research six 310-7477 www.god.com every Friday at 2 PM with baby, right here on