"Don't Pass the Snowplow!"

Hopefully the caregiver here on family talk to 130 I am.

This is for the family. For those of you who are putting yourself between the bubble of one of the worst disaster for those who are struggling as you care for aging hair chronically ill, disabled, special needs addicted love one. Whatever the impairment of chronic impairment. There's always a character are you doing that's why we do the show to find out what's going on with you.

Are you in a good place really good place physically, physically, emotionally, spiritually, professionally, all of the above. If you're not, how was I going to affect your loved one and housing affect you in your ability to do what you're trying to do. See, the goal is not to somehow just get through this white knuckle it and get through, but the goal is for you to live a healthier quality of life even while doing this. That seems little bit counterintuitive. Sometimes you think, well, we just gotta get mama through this and she goes on, be with Jesus left a lot of people think but that's not cool. That is not the right way to go about this thing you can live a healthier life. You can live a calm and guess what you could even live a more joyful life is not easy.

Take some work, but you can do it. Talk about hell and I'm glad you with this view will be a part of the show.

If you're thinking for the first time you hear the sink. Are you kidding me a show for caregivers. Yeah, there are 39 and thousand hours of programming 39,480 hours programming on Sirius XM every week.

This is the one hour for the family caregiver is your hour this is your time when you drive along sit at home stream and whatever it is you want to do while you do this, just listen for moment, and you realize only that we speak fluent caregiver here.

We talk about things and affecting you.your Loveland not asking about that. Not that we don't care, just that that's not the purpose of the show.

It's not hope for the patient. It's not hope for the parent.

It's not hope for the politician. It's hope for caregiver. You as a family caregiver, so would love to have you chime in 877-655-6755 but my wife says I have to say it slower 877-655-6755 and speaker slower. You know if Hess took care of the board. The salt of the sale, the Earl of engineering. The man who was a late bloomer, but full of humor. He's my sidekick, John Butler, the count of muddy disco everyone. Well, that was justasked on today and I'm honored I might be wrong about a couple.

It takes a big man to the edge you are that big bed yet think the big man to admit was wrong but takes a big man to give a giraffe haircut so John is a very tall fellow. Yeah, that's the 67. I am I'm I'm 6 foot 596 cm and 92. We really worked up the path of the 70. I will yet again you know we we talk about Matthew not being a thing about this and and yet you still talk about 39,480 hours of programming, but I think it's I think it's really important to know that there's so much devoted to sports the politics to you.

Now you know finances, health, but 65 million people are taking care of someone that we can count this problem that I think there is an yet. There's just very little out there that's cohesive for them other than you get a lot of pockets of it like platitudes. Take care yourself. If you do something else to like a larger program. Yeah, we have our caregiver corner or whatever sort of deal and I like the way you put it. This is not the politicians don't not defendants don't need hope and not that patients don't eat out, but so do caregivers and this is that that has it Butler.

There's little static on your line, and so little thought about that little inset basil Johnson Nashville in Southwest Montana. It is in Dallas and we are here all for you crisscrossing this great country and here for you as a family caregiver and were thrilled to have you here. I do have our caregiver hip of the day our caregiver to the day is something I heard yesterday, John, and it is we we have a good bit of snow on the ground from my little wintry passing that comes early to the Rockies appear Montana and we just moved out here from Tennessee. I think a minute here for a long time but I was I was going to drive and drive across a big breeder says he'll get to place rose and get some new tires and tires are big part of your life and rule.

Montana you want to have good tires and had to go across a pretty steep hill that they can be ugly in the winter and I'll friend here as it will house the house road on the way over and he said he said don't and here's a caregiver to the day you ready don't write that you he said here's a gig though he did say was gig to he just said here's he just gave a piece of ice that out. I grasped it and applied it to my life is a character. And he said don't pass the snowplow don't pass the snowplow and I thought what a great reminder of our journeys. Caregivers John Welton know that that's fantastic you look, I have just here a videoconference like this evening you looked eager to speak into this known and I was I was just losing that that's I just really like that that that metaphor that there are there's lots of just environmental things going on in any sort of complicated situation like being a caregiver or driving down the mountain and the snowplow is one of those things that's going to do its job. Whether you're there or not.

You know you're going to have to go with the pace of the snowplow if you want to stay safe on the road exactly and in the pace for you as a caregiver. The pace of somebody the display on the road for you or set of circumstances it can keep you safe. It may frustrate you may not like going at 10 to 15 miles an hour, but as I was talking to Buddy my last night and I said I got these new tires really set about tires job tires but I was tired. I paid a lot of money for the tires on one of the access system, but he said the key to it.

Out here is drive at the speed drive at the speed that you feel comfortable slamming into the ditch. It's there's this real great wisdom that comes sometimes living in a harsh environment like this drive at the speech that you feel comfortable flickering into the different, yet nothing over us is caregivers. We tend to move really fast and we get kinda frenetic and frantic, and sometimes, and I know I do what yeah I do I do and and and so I am trying to learn how to slow down and go with the speed that keeps me safe and I may not get to where I want to be as fast as I'd like to be there but I want to get their whole lot faster if I'm not in a ditch somewhere or what off a cliff or whatever you know. Yeah, I think, is caregivers. That's where we are. That's where we live in and limit. Let me explain. You know when you when you have a doctor that is saying to you.

Here's the deal. You don't have to accept that doctors work forward what you go to be certain you know, to be served better by doing so I rewrote talking to family members. You have a surgery and they said we were trying to tell that that sometimes a doctor will offer you a choice you want regular type surgery will try laparoscopic and I stopped a busted. If your physician is offering you a choice of what type of surgery to have. You need a different position because this you can go to medical school so you don't really get a photo this you can agree to have it or not, but you don't get to have a is not a menu it's it's yeah yeah surgery spec you need surgery. Okay, let the doctor who would think that out by yeah and so I was you know but I've never one time that I Gracie had had a pretty ugly back surgery and it was it was and it was brutal surgery and Wheatley were no stranger surgeries. By this point the doctor came back and said hey look, you're going to she's got it.

She had a postop infection.

Something is in her back in her spinal cord area.

The spring series and working up to keep her here for three months and connect opener up every couple days and we had to irrigate that section out and she's not going to be able to lift up more than 15°. Well that what you think about that reality and and I looked at the doctor and wetting religion doctors, looked at the wall, not mine.

I just just my spiritualists on my shoulders everything just talk and we had smaller children at home and I said I can't do this for three months and he stopped and he put his hand on my shoulders and do not do it for three months you going to do it for 24 hours. That's the speed of the snowplow and that's how fast you're going to go one data even to deal with this one day at a time nobody can do this for a lifetime. Anyway, do it for 24 hours and I II got through that I held onto that piece of advice that it any" in Matthew 620 said, you know tomorrow sufficient for yourself the words of the most efficient for yourself what Jesus said there and I thought okay I'm in have to live this out and Gracie is to were just going to have to live this out. We cannot pass the snowplow. That's how fast the snowplow goes one data type, and you know just amazing what with that I think is one of things don't I like about being out here is a see these harsher, more stark reminders of how little control I have nothing for me is a caregiver.

One of the things I struggle with what you secure it, and I remember being asked by this reporter, they said, what is the hardest thing you've dealt with as a caregiver when element let me give you some background for those you just out turning the show for the first time you mom I said 80 surgeries that I can count both of her legs amputated.

She was with relentless pain. This is been going on since Reagan's first term as a long-term hundred plus doctors of trader 12 hospital seven. Insurance companies and she said about another hundred hundred 50 small procedures. This is not a small set of circumstances we deal with, but this reporter is missing, what is the what is the most difficult thing you've dealt with as a caregiver and hands down.

I had been admitted to that reporter into you will. It's knowing what is mine and what is not mine to carry and all too often.

I'm trying to take on more than his mind to do and I don't want to stand behind that snowplow and let's let it go at its pace were I know that I could be safe, I want just what about this what about this what we do but hear what you know I can do anything about tomorrow. I can't do anything about it and neither can you cannot do anything right yesterday. I can only deal with right here and right now that's all I can deal with is all any of us can deal with. I don't hold a monopoly on that.

That's all any of us can deal with and if you fear if your situation right now. Someone and you're living in abject fear and I get that I truly get that and I've had. Fear gripped me in the situation in play in ways that was just that you couldn't think straight. I couldn't. I really could hear that kind of situation John.

We've had so much fear about. Oh my gosh, what are we going to do that.

You only know how to set absolutely my my second child ended up in the ICU right after he was born and just what what you do that… Complete lack of information and a lack just there's nothing there was just nothing nothing you do is sit there. Yeah it's in pay and exist in this new reality that's just that's everywhere. It's your caught in the middle of the rain in the field of nursing. There's nowhere to go and you get will and you gotta stay behind the snowplow in the snowplow team of doctors and professionals of people you don't even know who now have the most precious thing in your life in their hands, and you can't do anything about it. It's it's it's a it's an unsettling thing is, it really is.

It's just an in giving Matt and and and giving out the reference it deserves that.

That fact. The fact that it is it is a hard thing and you're going to get through it because you can do this for 24 hours and and that's the speed we go in and I think if we can learn to slow down.

We talked a lot about this on the show.

The, the fear obligation and guilt. The fog of caregivers fear obligation and guilt and we get we get so disoriented in this fog and I don't know anybody who is successfully sped through a fog differ. I don't hear those stories you know them turn around and talk about with you never read on the news or hear the news. Hey, here's a here's an amazing story of a guy who was doing 80 through a fog. Here's a great story you don't hear those kind of things because when you run into fog. You have to slow down you must go at the speed that is assigned to you with you if you don't you will pay the consequences and of word by way of are not here in Montana.

Here's a valid today John not today but picking up shirts or, and this is everywhere, but you Kelly.

If it Becomes little bit more vivid to be a here there's no rewards or penalties in nature just consequences. Oh yeah natures nature doesn't have a thin vendetta against it. Just this is the way it is and you don't have to like any you can't you can't plead with it you can. There's no bargaining here and that's about it. A big thing that's that you can't change any part of this that were talking about. I that's not better to make you powerless. It just makes it makes that the reality of the situation will there's there's a at the barn where it will feed the horses. We have love hang in there and no stopping to guide it used to this object I'll be feeding the horses here – that yesterday we started doing now that we get snow to grow and he said that some of the things that you might want to when you go to the barn to do this.

He said you might want to announce your presence loudly make noise and then be prepared to not just go straight into where the haze because of Moose is liable to be hanging out in their and they will charge you the most, doesn't personally have anything against me that if you if you sneak up on a moose it could get a little bit gnarly out just obvious though that out there job that you might want to write that they'll all keep that in mind next time around it's it's something but just a little handy piece of information you might want to know residence because the or the mountain land that could be in there just come to stay in warm and exactly what you were talking all the stuff. But having been in Montana and these are your we talk about having to slow down because a lot of the things I have really long term consequences if you they made a mistake yeah and for us is caregivers there very long term consequences of rushing around frantically trying to take on or go faster than we really can't people go to get hurt, you're going to get hurt and you might take your family with I was talking to a guy and he is a skit several special needs children who he has adopted a note with these get four children, grandchildren. He's he and his wife adopted but they are, they're all having some emotional issues because their mother was a drug addict. Okay, it's a tough situation and and I was, pointing out I wasn't cut.

I was pointing him to safety. Here's see her some paths you might want to explore is a solid one shot.

I tried to give advice because I can't take you your lovely morning. Take care fun, but what I can do is tell you here's nine exams weren't far better than us.

Yeah. And here are some things I've learned and inheres. I do a dead end when I see it, and I told him I said he was 72 years old. He's got four children all under nine and two of her twins when he's 82. He's going to have 217-year-old twins when he's 82 and I said you know you hear some things you might want to consider and he just locked down. He did not want to hear what I was saying and sometimes people don't and I'm not there to hold you down and help you unethical to do that.

I go to point you the best I can to safety and I you know you can lead a man to an idea, but you can't make them think and and I I'm trying to offer my own failures, as is exhibit a that if you don't in his thing was well look I'm just you got enough to take me home until all my work is done here that it out of that yes and you know what, I'm a man of faith to. I have life insurance because something happens to me. I want to make sure that Gracie's is cared for, as I possibly can. I can't guarantee I can do anything other than try to be the best steward of what I have my resources, my time, my body everything else. Part of that means being able to slow down.

He was a caregiver. I'm just telling you slow down, don't pass the snowplow. There's a reason the snowplow is out there I learned that in the heavy winners of Montana and I don't want to pass the snowplow because that's where you get hurt.

That's where things can go off the rail and I don't care what kind of hurry I'm in.

Being in a ditch in a wrecked car is not to make that journey faster and this is the risk we face is caregivers. If we try to rush too much and I am guilty of this. John it's shameful how guilty I am of this, but I'm getting better. It okay I mean I'm making progress not perfection. Just progress and in baseball give a little baseball analogy. John a big metal analogy. Go ahead and just prepare yourself for all of baseball. If you put the bat on the ball. 3/10 times in baseball.

They will put you the whole thing you hit 300. Oh yeah 330 you know little bit you Hall of Fame. The goal is not to be perfect at this and the goal is not to do to live in an exemplary flawless life is a caregiver.

The goal is for you to be safe and get to your destination safely. Even if that destination is a graveyard for you to get there safely. That's hard. That's hard to hear but that's our reality I'm not here to dress it up just love this is reality.

This is our life and were caring for someone that may indeed beat us to the great graveyard. That's Exodus. The goal for me is for me to outlive my wife can't promise, but I want to live like it and and as if I could. Now some of you are doing with special needs children with autism and things like that down syndrome so forth that that are necessary. Terminal and then mail it outlive you and you have to plan for that. I get that, but it still means being good stewards of who you are while you're in the driver seat while you are behind the wheel of this car don't pass the snowplow, let it do its job. Let this thing go with the pace it needs to go. If the doctors are working on this.

Don't try to get out front of it just let it be what it's going to be it's going to go one data time and that's all you have anything more than that and you're trying to force an outcome that could have disastrous results not seen people pass the snowplow seen him do it up see them do it successfully, but I'm not willing to play those thoughts about you John. Now I'm not and will and and what I was, that was thinking you this whole time sounds really leak we've been dealing with the bleak side of this. But letting go and letting the snowplow do its thing is like the first step in getting to the other side of this, which is living this in a joyful sort of way. And that's the way you end up being better at this you know is not the goal.

I have driven on very snowy and icy roads out here when there was no slope. It's nerve-racking. It's a lot more peaceful when you stay about a couple hundred yards behind that thing and got a nice smooth photograph – the key hey Vanessa question are you try to pass the snowplow 877-655-6755 877-655-6755 you will be a part of the show would love to hear from you.

This is hopefully cared nation someone show for family care home. 877-655-5755 Jeff Fox 65 million American service caregiver for sick or disabled level. If you're one of them to listen to my friend Peter Rosenberger showed really good. What have you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to you. I'm Gracie Rosenberger, 1983 I experienced a horrific car accident leading 80 surgeries in both legs and became I question why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me. But over time I questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God that understanding along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish standing with help more than a dozen years we been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people on a regular basis. We purchased ship equipment and supplies and with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison.

We also recycle parts from donated lambs. All of this is to point others to Christ. The source of my help and strength, please visit standing with help.com to learn more and participate in lifting others that standing without.com. I'm Gracie. I am staining with help show for caregivers about caregivers hosted by caregiver.

This is Peter Rosenberger. This is hope for the caregiver, the nation's number one show for the family caregiver here on family culture. 131.

We are live 877-655-6755 877-655-6755 if you want to be a part of the show I got something I want to say real quick sub somebody posted something on Facebook and Twitter stream the show on Facebook. By the way, hope for the caregiver on Facebook and this affects a friend of mine who's who I know is going through some tough times and I heard something enough to pass this on.

We caregivers tend to be a pretty capable lot know I've often said were high functioning multitaskers were pretty capable people and we do things without being told or supervise. We just step up and just do it and we get a lot of things done a benign bring home the bacon fat (never let you forgettable man. I can do it all. So can you as a character that's what we do, but I've also found something about capable people, the more capable we are, the longer it takes for us to realize were not in the more carnage that we can calls in that journey were not capable enough okay and that is that is a hard lesson to learn. We are not capable enough no matter how good you are at this.

It's not enough. It's still bigger you and you can't carry it by yourself. You just can't. That's where caregiver tip of the day is don't pass the snowplow. There is a safer way to do this for you, but it's going to involve you. Being slower and letting go of the control that you think you have good you don't know how I know that well let's 30 something years of failure. Failure is a crate reminder of just how incapable we are not, that's okay.

You were not supposed to be. This is not something that was assigned to you because you're a capable person that can fix it. It's just a part of your life. It is what it is but that doesn't mean that you have to be miserable in it. Okay, I just wanted to pass that on little bit into these are things that I wrestle with.

These are things that I'm learning and all I'm doing is aggregating a lifetime of experience to offer a lifeline filled by fellow characters. I just want to point you to the same solid ground that I still depend upon that to define those places that I get off of it to him and I get on the in the quicksand, we all do, so we can remind each other of where safe ground is in safe ground is number one admitting that you are not in control of this I can only control my own thoughts. My own words.

My own deeds, but it cannot control the weather. I cannot control the fact that my wife's legs are gone that she's in pain all the time. I kick there is none of these things I can do, nor can you you can't fight autism.

You can't fight Alzheimer's.

You can't fight addiction is addicted love what you fight your own ticket fight. There's so what do we do we deal with today we go at a speed that is a little bit alien to us, which is slow. That's hard to do. It takes reminders that we need to breathe just slow down. It's going to be what it's going to be fundamentally these engineer back to Chris Latham. He does, he and I wrote my things altogether and he said a song John they'll get this Psalm is like a train full of boxcars. Okay. And you may be in one particular boxcar and the salt the temple of the song is that locomotive pulling that series of boxcars got inside that boxcar. You are free to run around at whatever speed you want to put your knuckle to get to the end of song any faster if I like that a lot. So he said you might as well yeah well you muzzle just enjoy the trip cup because you're not get there.

You cannot force something this beyond your control to go faster or slower than you just it's just going to be that, brings up a little bit about what you were saying earlier.

It sounds like you if you want think about it that this means that your powerlessness and that's not the case at all. It just means that there are things that are immutable to you that there are rules to this game that were playing there and I did make a rule set that and I did so I listen listing a call from Sheila in Montana hi Sheila Sheila, good afternoon, how you doing, what was so how are you feeling how my feeling well and I asked you first. Sheila I know I've been how my feeling. I'm feeling relieved, I guess could be the word. I love the analogy that you're getting and not all know I will drive then I'm thinking okay don't know, but my gosh don't go faster than the snowplow don't snowplow the snowplow on my gosh every time my son called me like okay I have to remember that okay there's the snowplow and don't try and I only minimally doing what you love about the gun that is dead and I like my gosh, I never let you many weeks ago right writing talk, you know, it went for an hour and 15 minutes an hour and 15 minutes. I didn't try to solve the problem.

I did that 150 my gosh you were only trying everything like you were trying to yell and fill II love your analogy because maybe your snowplow.

You know, again, I would take credit for it, but it wasn't mine. It was given to be a wise assault hearing in Montana and I thought about it, LC. But what is the snowplow guy you get the feeling that the snowplow gathers driving this thing is listening to Lawrence Welk and were listening to Led Zeppelin you ever get that feeling doesn't care all and he doesn't care where he's going to do what he's going to do and is going to be what is going to be and we can fight it or not fight it, and he'll call for help all related ditch, but he's got a coupon is just well.

I keep telling myself. Okay God I'm not quite learning the lesson so you know, I realize there's a purpose and everything I think, and maybe maybe it allowed my bet that I need to learn like like that. I need to deal with it like the snowplow because if I remember that I see the phone call had special teleport what you don't know. By the way, here's a tip. Somebody give me to change the name on your phone.

Change the name on your phone to your level and blood put their first name, then put be kind, or be patient type that into their actual name is so when you see that, say like Fred. Be patient. You know whatever mom don't yeah or or you know so-and-so don't see where the applicant.2.again, these are just little things that were not going to fix it but will lose learn to live peacefully in and I thought a theory I thought if there yeah you until you tell me if I'm barking mad or about to something I don't think it's sorry you can't posit that you hear the whole question just but it's I think that we as caregivers need very little in the way of instruction in a whole lot of reminders now this is the theory, reminders and and so I'm not your only son, for example, Sheila, I'm not going to instruct you and you don't need me to instruct you on anybody else to instruct you how to deal with, but we do need reminders only and and and so I think that's what happens with me. I mean, I have caregiver amnesia and you only gets a little about the rich job. Yeah, I forgot you know it and I think that's the whole point of this journey as caregivers if we could just take a moment here on the air were on the air of serious just hanging out just caregiver caregiver and were talking about a yeah this is really tough when we were struggle with this and then we burst into laughter. That's that's oxygen to our souls. That's reminders you know that we really can we could breathe along this journey without just killing ourselves and in our lounge fact you have to yeah we do well yeah you know it hurts when we realize when I realize I realize when the relationship is bad and we know all nobody called me terrible afterwards well because we can't do that or we react this way you react to that all my goodness. God's creation to all.and let God love you know those hard times are tired, you know, but that and I thought then you feel bad after a patient, you and I know he is a sweetheart sleep so you know I just fogged caregivers, but we get in the fear of obligation we get into guilt for even thinking this, whatever, and requote that that help me come to reorient some things a long time ago, so they're not doing it to you there just doing right, exactly, and if you don't have. We don't have to take everything personally and we don't have to go to every flight that we get a ticket to know just how we could sit a few these things out and and and and so these are little things that I've I need to hear back coming. I'm glad you call just remind me of these things Sheila because I need to hear this. Just like the rest of us in this is not going to end is not going to get away that week. We wish now but but but that doesn't mean we have to be miserable and it's it's in the middle of it is late afternoon. Here and you are talking and were not miserable. You know you got especially son got a wife with severe medical trauma.

And guess what were not miserable. We don't have to be miserable crack crack in an inward and John's making us laugh just say something for the well Sheila it means a lot to call it. And I don't take it for granted that people are driving around in their list of the show wherever they are. The stream and it would and we don't know how many people there a lot, especially parents of their Sheila need to hear, say 90 to 90 hear from you that they hate women I'm not alone for feeling this way you know she was called in and she's feeling this way and guess what world were not were not miserable.

Nobody slitting her wrist were not jumping in and out of toasters know and don't we just just one of the things that help you help me was out of this.

Whatever tragedy or this life. God is used for good and Mike. Now my older son for many years ago I started in on our church especially administered culture specially talk a couple decades ago and one that will place the go you can't read any get me a bottle of and now you know that thing will yesterday I talked my older son and he taught me the chairman of the school board a very large school district and an income in Kern County and he told me that get that mommy that I felt all this morning had a board meeting and there was apparent that special needs can't KMan and they were explained to me all the what's going on there. They had 18%, which is, I was amazed at the thought of the children in ecological debt that are low and then he said, because they had 19 kids show up at the beginning year that were registered to professionally get a little that with the apparent drug that like you know you don't you don't do this professionally get all kinds of other thought electability. They like never want you got have the help or whatever). Here he was apparent you know why it was so awesome to me that mom I was able to tell them I know exactly what you're talking about. My brother had to change school every single year and all over the county, he would have in our backstretch.

You want to know what that meant to both parent because they knew they had an advocate there that somebody understood who really yeah you know what you call it a great quote once you know our Savior was a carpenter and he doesn't even waste the sawdust things in our life that we think are meaningless are workers not on the raised at what happens with the things that we consider frustrating, challenging waste tragedy. All I can start moving into some extraordinary which elicited I wanted a moment I got here, but listen, thank you for thinking of a call means a lot and Gail patient care and the fact that I got 131 like I would want to come by and all my God, thank you, I think my call and God bless you and will be gone for a while that travels thank you very much, Sheila, thank you so much God bless you guys think this is why we do the show to let you know you know about me I needed to take something real quick. I'm getting ready to ship some some knees in the hip over to West Africa got some some parts and processing parts for our work we do with amputees over West Africa when Gracie lost both of her legs. She wanted to have that outreach to see again of things it would come out of tragedy. She had this vision for being able to from her own tragedy help someone else walk and we do standing with hope, which is the present expense of the show was for the wounded and those who care for them and we work with core civic out of Nashville Tennessee and they have a local prison in Tennessee where inmates volunteer to disassemble used limbs that we collect from all over the country so I could really use your help going steady with hope.com and see what you can share that with other folks, you know, maybe in a PT or funeral home directors or whatever, wherever used limbs may end up from a family member passed away. Or a kid who outgrew them or whatever we could take those devices. These inmates do is one of the faith-based programs are core civic and we could really use your help in getting those parts so that we can use them to build brand-new legs over West Africa and they go walking and leaping and praising God is a great work for the wounded and those who care for them, so you could sponsor a leg you can help get the word out. You could sponsor the show be a part of what were doing to standing with hope.com artist go to Tracy in Georgia tracing good afternoon, how you feeling wonderful. Thank God every day well tell me how that's tell me what what's going on with you on this, all I have left my home 24 years. My help, my mother, 70 take care of my father Monday were, however there every night, all night, and that the big time that you think by what happened that night so the really difficult time for my mother because during the going on over the last year and how she falls a lot away at the 55 pale arms you 100 pounds, but yet she's a caregiver for my father and my father at the Gemini so hard to fight for Alzheimer's or personality, but I think you when you know taking flight from time not by Philip hard for me to read EM when he's really truly fail or when it will. I think sometimes when you get in the situation of this with his mental impairment.

The rule that out heard and come to live by is don't be surprised when the act impaired be surprised when they don't because you got a situation where Alzheimer's is your it's it's the filter or the it's the front line of what you gonna do with with your dad no matter what, there may be moments when he may express lucidity serving the evening times when sundowner sticks and it's not to happen and that's when you, to protect yourself and your mother learn to detach from that and realize that he's not doing it to you just doing it the disease it over and you can't you can't have a relationship with Alzheimer's and you can still order your father know you can't and don't trust it was to try. Don't try to reason with him. Don't try to argue with them.

Don't try to do any those things learn to deflect a 2nd° black belt and helped you in a self defense art and when somebody throws a punch at you.

You don't have to let him hit you and you don't have to try to hit them back harder to to counter that's called Udo that that's just rock them sock them robots and then but you don't also do have to overpower them when they try to throw a punch.

What you learn to do is deflect and and you just push the set and you be you. Don't be with the punches thrown you get out of the way of that and you learn how to deflect and detach from that and realize that you don't have to prove him wrong. In order for you to be right and and yes, a couple quick questions guzzled a lot of time to just flesh a couple quick questions you only temporarily moved away from your husband or if you left your husband temporarily. Okay how often you get to get back one night. Can you get can you do more and maybe have some other person come in to help with your mom is for your own safety and for your own marriage and for your own relationship that's going to be a healthier place for you if you can do that. I would highly encourage you to do so because this can be healthy for both you and your husband. This thing with your with your father could go on for some time.

I don't know help how close to death's door. He is, but people can live with Alzheimer's. For many many years and it can only get in was going to get increasingly more stressful and worse as he becomes less and less able to do things, but you have your husband have have to protect what's going on between you two okay and and he needs you and you need him and then so I know that you cut of your tour because you want to honor your mother and father you will do all these things and I get I get that that's important, but you don't have to honor Alzheimer's. Okay.

True, get all your dad without honoring Alzheimer's skip. Let me ask you favor would not put you on hold and let it get your information. Can I just send you a book with Debbie. Okay I got a little book called seven caregiver landmines and how you I got several books but this is the newest one is just a little like a field manual link Tracy. It's embarrassing. It's so easy could redo the bathroom. I know because this railroad and I also but I want to send this to you just as you have something just kind of reason.

It's it it really is easy, but it's reminder to get what I talked about the last color I don't think we need his instructions as much as we need reminders and and and I wrote this for myself just as easy reminders of how to be able to navigate these things so I would put you on hold and let Ed get your information and thank you so much for taking the time to call Tracy okay listen, this is hope for the caregiver. This is the nation's number one show for the family caregiver. I think you know what it's a different so it's not what you expect jobs that what you expect are you John go to standing with hope.com be a part of what were doing. If you like what you hear and support. Sharon spent some time reading and getting some of the information put out there for healthy caregivers make better caregivers integrated start a Peter Rosenberger will see you next week about that is fantastic. Okay, go ahead on the buyer addresses early that was a pretty good children yeah absolutely no I like Sheila. She accepted. She goes to church yeah is that you know she is. She's got a know you. She's got to know what she's got to get a whole lot of personality, but we had three colors, but what we had coast-to-coast, Montana, Georgia I so how to handle 400 what does when she called in from Tulsa, but she wasn't sure what to show this wasn't you a call back was usually the driver who just fine absolutely