God's Pattern for Parents, Part 2

Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life. All the matters of life.

All behavior all conduct is linked to some heart condition and parents listen. Your task is to set yourself to the heart of the child while you could follow the example of a farmer in England, he managed to hide his family in the literal castle that he had built behind a huge wall of hay bales for almost 5 years. The family lived in this hidden world tucked away from neighbors and from just about everything else that's one way to keep your children from the world's negative influences. But as you think about protecting your kids consider this.

Is it possible to create other problems even bigger problems. If you completely shelter them. Bottom line, how can you teach your children to reject the world's value system, but stay involved in ministry to the world as Scripture teaches John MacArthur considers those questions today as he continues his current study, titled the fulfilled family and now here's John open your Bible to Ephesians chapter 6 Ephesians chapter 6.

The key verse really here in the New Testament that gives to us.

God's design for parenting is verse four simply says and fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

This is God's pattern for parenting and as we begin I want us to remember something. It's very important at the very outset as God's redeemed people. We are called to be unique. We are called to be different. We are called to be distinct.

We are called to be separate from the world.

In fact, the whole epistle of Ephesians points to the reality that we are not to live as the rest of the world lives we live in light not darkness, we live in wisdom, not foolishness. We walk in the spirit, not the flesh. We are unique then because we have the knowledge of God we have the word of God we have the spirit of God, and God has called us to live in unique and distinctive ways.

In fact, that extends even to our relationships in the family. We don't conduct relationships in the family. The way unregenerate people do. The way the world does. We have a completely different plan and pattern in Leviticus chapter 18 when God established the standard of behavior for Israel. He pointed out this reality of uniqueness is what he said you shall not do what is done in the land of Egypt where you live nor are you to do what is done in the land of Canaan, where I am bringing you, you shall not walk in their statutes. You are to perform my judgments, and keep my statutes and to live in accord with them. In other words, your different you don't do the way the world's you don't conduct their lives or your relationships the way the world's later in that same 18 chapter of Leviticus God further says do not defile yourselves by any of these things for by all these the nations which I am casting out before you have become defiled. Thus, you are to keep my charger my command that you do not practice any of the abominable customs which have been practiced before you, so as not to defile yourself with them. I am the Lord your God. A call to be different. A call to distinctiveness, and God has maintained this desire for his people through all time.

We are separate. As we look at the divine standard and we are looking at our responsibility and were looking at the path of joy and blessing in the lives of the children in our own lives as well.

Clearly the instruction here in verse four is given to parents. In fact, the word fathers is occasionally in the New Testament translated parents, we cannot exclude the mother at this particular point, we must include her as she comes under the leadership of her husband.

The instruction is given to the parents because they have the responsibility the rule the lead in the oversight bring their children to the place where they will honor God. Both parents must be involved in this wonderful privilege this wonderful opportunity. And as we look at the thing itself that is indicated here in the verse. You'll notice there's a negative in a positive in terms of the instruction and we want to consider both the negative is this, do not provoke your children to anger. That's how the word of God sums up what you don't want to do.

You don't want to make your children mad. You don't want to make them angry. You don't want to make them hostile or bitter.

You don't want them to turn against you in all that you hold dear.

Colossians ads lest they be discouraged. You don't want to destroy them provoke you will notice is used only here and in Romans 1019 that term and it means to irritate.

That's an intense form of to make angry. Don't do that which angers your children don't do that with which irritates them provokes them, frustrates them, exasperates them, or inventors them mind is there being a lot of that done today angry Saul and bit her children unimaginable hostility and anger. 10 to 15% of children have contemplated or tried suicide one fourth of admissions to the psychiatric unit of children's hospitals are suicide related. Even children as long us as young as six and seven try to take their life. How can you provoke your child into tragedy. How can you provoke your child and anger talk and you get up, bitter, silent antisocial delinquent. Here are some easy steps. Spoiling given everything he wants even more than you can afford discharge to get them off your back when he does wrong nagging little but don't spanking foster his dependence on you. Don't teach them to be independently responsible maintain his dependence on you. So later on drugs and alcohol can replace you when his older protect them from all those mean teachers want to discipline them from time to time and threaten to sue them if they don't let them alone make all of his decisions for him because he might make mistakes and learn from them.

If you don't criticize his father to him or his mother so your son or daughter will lose respect for his parents whenever he gets into trouble, bail amount. Besides, he faces any real consequence.

It might hurt your reputation. Never let them suffer the consequences of his behavior always step in and solve his problems for him so he will depend on you and run to you when the going gets tough and never learned how to solve his problems.

If you want to turn your child into a delinquent let him express himself anyway. Feels like don't run his life let him run yours, don't bother him with chores do everything for him. Then he can be responsible all his life and blame others when things don't get done right and be sure to give in when he throws a temper tantrum believe his lies because it's too much hassle to try to sort through to get the truth criticize others openly criticize others routinely so that he will continue to realize that he is better than everybody else give a big allowance and no make them do anything for it. Praise him for his good looks never for character and on the goats. You want an obsessive child be critical, snobbish, domineering, legalistic.

You want an accident-prone child fight with each other. Ignore the child and the child hurt himself to get your attention so it goes.

The point is you have this treasure you have this child and you can exasperate that child.

How do parents do. I've just given you a little litany of things that you can read about in a typical book on child raising about how to raise a delinquent. Let me give you my own list here of how to provoke a child arrest and want to give you this list rather rapidly. So stick with it. 10 ways number one by overprotection by overprotection since the men never trust him. Don't give them the opportunity to develop an independence and deprive nation will instill an angry mood. Parents must give children room to express themselves to discover their world to try a new adventure gradually releasing them to live independently. Let the rope out overprotection frustrates and angers a child. We live in a world where that's a tendency among Christians keep them under control all the time.

You have to be very careful about where they become exasperated. Secondly, you can do it by favoritism. Isaac favored Esau over Jacob Rebecca favored Jacob over Esau on the sad results are well known. Don't compare them against each other.

There each unique love them the same without regard for each without special regard for each no respect of persons. If the child feels that you love another in that family more.

That is a very, very frustrating experience. Thirdly, you can cause a child to become angry. By setting unrealistic achievement goals. Some parents literally crush their children with pressure pressure to excel in school pressure to excel in sports and music in any activity they do and really has little to do with the child and everything to do with the the reputation that the parent wants becomes very frustrating when the child has no sense of having reached the goal, no sense of having fulfilled an expectation. It leads to being angry and bitter and I have dealt with such children. I have dealt with such children who have killed them so they go one girl in particular who killed herself to get her parents off her back.

She never could accomplish enough to satisfy them and she was so angry she wanted to hurt them in the most profound way she could so she took her life so they would have to live with the pain of causing that devastating you can frustrate your child to anger by overindulgence by giving them everything they want by picking up after them. Always by allowing them to throw all responsibility and accountability on others.

You can exasperate them by letting them sin and get away with it so they learn to do that successfully. Ultimately, when they face the world and people don't serve them and don't take all the responsibility for them and for their misdeeds. They will get angry and bitter and violent, just exactly the kind of generation were stingrays today. Fifthly, you can exasperate your child by discouragement and I think that comes in two ways.

Lack of understanding and lack of reward, because both of those destroy motivation and they destroy incentive.

You must understand your children understand what their thinking understand what they're trying to accomplish understand why a certain thing happened while certain behavior occurred while certain incident when a certain way, grant them a listening ear and an understanding heart and reward them graciously and generously would love give them approval and honor and be patient with them or they get very defeated and discouraged that turns to anger you can provoke your children to anger, number six, by failing to sacrifice for them.

In other words, by making the child feel like he's constantly an intrusion in your life constantly. An interruption always a bother. You want to do what you want to do. You and your husband want to go where you want to go you just farm these kids out somewhere leave them but somebody else take care of them.

You're not about to change your lifestyle. You are to do what you want to do you going to have your fun and your pleasure and the kids are just going to have to fend for themselves, leave them, make them prepare their own meals. Don't take them places because you can't be bothered with them and they will resent your being uncaring unavailable and self-centered is one of the things that I'm so very thankful for and my own family is Patricia's devotion to our children all the years when they were growing up in the home. Many years when I had to be going and traveling and she refused to do that because she wanted to be with those children all the time. Number seven.

You can provoke your children to anger by failing to allow for some growing up. What is that mean let them goof up a little letter make mistakes so they knock some over the table, laughing off, they just don't quite have the manual dexterity. Yet the coordination give my little job and if they can do it in a and in an unacceptable way. But it's a little bit of progress commend him let them share some of the ridiculous ideas.

Let them plant some silly things to do and do them and don't condemn them just expect progress not perfection the best of men are not perfect or not perfect New York tech many years ago defeated Rensselaer poly 20 128.

In that game.

The only Rensselaer touchdown was set up by a 63 yard pass play says the newspaper on the play.

There appear to be a breakdown in the tech defense the next week. When reviewing the films tech coach Marty Snow noticed that the defensive back on the play. Freshman John Smith stood frozen on one spot while the receiver flew by and for the winning touchdown.

Hey Smitty, why did you move to Coachella, said Smith. I couldn't. My contact lenses just popped out and I covered it with my foot waiting for a time to put it back if I left the spot.

I never would've found it again in that grass. My parents would've killed me for losing it. I'm telling you when you're in the big game and you live with that much fear of your parents you got a problem, but your kids fail to lose things. Hey, remember when Matt flushed my watch down the toilet. I said why did you do that.

He said I just wanted to see what it would look like going down and I spank him know that guy, which are the bin.

I like to see what look like allow for a little growing for a few experiments number eight.

You can provoke your children to anger by neglect. If there's any biblical illustration of this is probably David and Absalom. David spent no time with him no time shaping him and Absalom ultimately hated his father with a passion, tried to pull to dethrone his father and take his place. Neglect and the worst kind neglect lack of consistent discipline. That's the worst kind of neglect, talking about the neglect of time and things I'm talking about the neglect of discipline.

Teach them discipline consistently using the rod in love number nine. You can provoke your children to anger by abusive words, you understand a little child is a very limited vocabulary and you have a very comprehensive one. Verbal abuse is a terrible thing. A barrage of well-chosen words from your adult vocabulary can cut that little heart to shreds and what is is devastating and he is anything our words of anger, words of sarcasm or words of ridicule.

Frankly, we say things to our children we would never say to anybody else, and lastly by physical abuse and angry child is often a beaten, abused over zealously punished child, usually from an angry, vengeful parent only cares that he has been inconvenienced or irritated.

Not that the child needs correction for his own good.

Well, those are some very simple practical things you want to provoke your child where you can do it by overprotection, favoritism, setting unrealistic achievement goals, overindulgence, discouragement, failing to sacrifice for them so that they can see your love failing to allow for them to grow up by neglecting firm consistent loving discipline by abusive words and physical abuse as well. Don't do that turn to the positive with me rather bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord or the nurture and admonition of the Lord is the authorizes bring them out, they won't get there themselves. I might add, hastily, you gotta bring them up there not going to get there by themselves. You have to bring them up.

Proverbs 2915 says a child left to himself brings his mother shame and that is what I told you earlier. It is not what parents do to children so much, although obviously if they do things that are abusive and painful.

It has effects, but it is what parents do not do that exasperates children the lack of discipline, the lack of love, the lack of care. You must bring them up.

This is a call to raise your children to focus on and only give you some practical instruction at this point. How do you do this.

How do you bring your child up. What is the real key to this challenging work to give you the key turn in your Bible to Proverbs 423 Proverbs 423 and here we we are really going to get to the issue.

This is an insight here tells us what is wrong with all of your children and all of mine. It's the same problem. Proverbs 423 says watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.

What you have here is a clear-cut divinely inspired statement that the issues of life come out of the heart all the matters of life proceed from the heart in Mark seven. In verse 21 Jesus said for from within, out of the heart of man, proceed the evil thoughts, fornication, staffs, murders, adulteries, deeds of coveting and wickedness as well as deceit, sensuality, NV, slander, pride and foolishness. All these evil things proceed from with in. And the same thing essentially is recorded for us in Luke chapter 6 and verse 45 the good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart, not what you want to recognize with your child. Is this you have a heart problem you're not dealing with behavioral issues you're dealing with the heart. In fact, let me go beyond that and say behavior is not the crucial issue changing your child's behavior is not the crucial issue.

In fact, a change in behavior without a change in heart is nothing but hypocrisy is a sham, because the sin of the rebellion is still there and is only delayed as to its expression. All behavior all conduct is linked to some heart condition some heart attitude and parents listen your task as parents is to set your self to the heart of the child busies Grace to you with John MacArthur. Thanks for being with us today. John explain what it means to provoke your children to wrath.

As you continue to study the fulfilled family of John in the midst of all these basic principles on parenting that you've looked at this week. I know you don't want parents to lose focus on something even more foundational man that is their marriage. It's too easy to let your parenting duties derail your marriage so let me ask what are some practical ways husbands and wives can prioritize the marriage relationship while they're raising children in a really good question and very foundational.

It's pretty simple in concept to me. Husbands, love your wives. Okay, that's the that that is a simple command but it has a vast implications to love means to consider her more important than yourself. To love means to be totally committed to every need that she has, to love her with the love that Christ has for his church means that you are concerned about all her spiritual needs in her spiritual well-being.

So I did I get this question asked a lot.

What's the key for a husband to love his wife.

And it's this. What I've tried to do in with Patricia. My goal has always been whatever will be a spiritual benefit to her and/or bring her joy. That's what I do simple I is is it's it's the way I define everything I just asked that simple question. Will this be a spiritual benefit to her and will it be joy to her. Will this be something that satisfies her heart that makes her feel loved, protected, cared for all of that, it's not complicated. It's the eagerness with which you give up your own personal will for that which benefits your partner. That's exactly how Christ loved the church he actually said in the garden, not my will but yours be done to the father then gave his life for the church and he made the ultimate sacrifice for us and that's the pattern that we have to follow assessments for our wives, and I think that is what a woman longs for the security and the protection and the love of a husband who sees himself as making sacrifices for her spiritual well-being and her delight in her joy right and friend no one would say that this standard. John just talked about is easy but it can be reached by God's grace and by shaping your thinking according to God's word. So I encourage you to pick up a MacArthur study Bible with its 25,000 footnotes written by John it can help you understand even the toughest passages to order the MacArthur study Bible. Contact us today. Call our toll-free number 855 grace or go to our website Jide TY.org.

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