God's Pattern for Husbands, Part 1

Love always seeks the absolute purity of its object and it seeks it sacrificially and husband.

If you're filled with the spirit, if your heart is right.

Your life is right you to purify your wife may mean confrontation, but it certainly means you protect her from temptation and exposure to the purifying influence of God's that biblical standard for husbands couldn't be higher. How can you ever hope to reach it. Well the first step is making sure you know what the Bible means by love today on grace to you. John MacArthur takes you to first Corinthians chapter 13 that's the Bible's love chapter to show you that for a husband. Love is primarily about what he does not about what he feels our lesson is part of John's current study, the fulfilled family of John before you continue this series on the family. I want to ask you about your experience counseling struggling marriages. What would you say is the number one cause of conflict within Christian marriages and what is the way to restore unity. So the number one issue in marriage is sin and it can show itself in a lot of ways, the number one solution is to get rid of sin and then the thing that's corollary to that is forgiveness so look what we're going to sin but were sinful people were put together in these very intimate relationships for decades and decades and decades and decades and offenses come is the ability to forgive what I say forget. I don't mean is some sort of tertiary superficial way. I mean, deep down, I love you too much to hold this against you, because Christ love me too much to hold it against me. What sustains every relationship and certainly marriage is that sort of sweeping reality that forgiveness is yours always, always it what you ask or don't ask you live within the grace of my forgiveness.

Forgiveness can be abused right but but our Lord said, how often should you forgive how about 70×7 or 70 times a day. So get ready if you're going to be a forgive or even have to be dispensing a lot of it but it's the only way that you can sustain a meaningful relationship and eventually forgiveness breaks down. People love has a way of crushing people's selfishness because you take them back in grace. So the answer to whatever's going on. That's wrong in your marriage is to be forgiving and I realize, even if it comes to divorce.

You got a forgive the person who divorced you and leave them to the Lord for. However, he was a deal with them and move on with a heart freed from any bitterness.

Thanks John.

That is something we can't be reminded of enough forgiveness and love are the foundations of a healthy marriage that honors God and friend husbands especially stay here as John shows you how to cultivate that kind of love and forgiveness that he just talked about. So here again is John MacArthur continuing his study called the fulfilled family. We need to be reminded that 96% of all men and 94% of all women will say I do and then most of them sooner or later in our culture will say I don't get divorced but the fact the matter is well over 90% of people still pursue marriage sad reality is they can't make it work in the collapse of marriage and family relationships is certainly predictable in our culture can marriage be rescued in the midst of all of this here we are fighting on the inside fighting on the outside, fighting it in terms of the very time in which we live one prophecy is coming to pass. Is there any hope. Well, the answer comes to us over in Ephesians 5, so you can turn to that text now coming to verse 25 we embarked upon the husband's a clear principle that is given in verse 25. The husband's responsibility is to love his wife doesn't say rule her.

He already has that tendency a even a tendency to dominate her to control her to Cmdr. The curse does that not want us to look more closely at what God means in this command because it's laid out so magnificently. Let's talk about the manner of this love back to verse 25 husbands, love your wives how just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her. That's pretty clear. It is the log of self-sacrifice is not the love of domination during the first Corinthians chapter 13 in first Corinthians 13 every characteristic of love listed in that chapter is in a verb form. Love is not static. It is not a substantive terms of language. It is a verb. Love acts.

Love does something love verse four is patient, love is kind is not jealous, does not brag is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly. It does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth.

It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. All of those are verbs.

That's how love acts. It is patient is kind is never jealous.

It does not brag. It is not arrogant. It does not act unbecomingly does not act in a way that cheapens it never seeks its own. It is not provoked easily. It doesn't remember wrongs against it. It doesn't rejoice in unrighteousness.

It rejoices only in the truth endures all things. It believes the best in hopes the best. It endures everything and never fail. That's the character of love. That's how we are to love our wives. It is always a verb, it is always acting on someone.

We have been given the capacity to love like this by the Holy Spirit because we have been transformed and born again the spirit of God is come into us, we receive the fruit of the spirit which is love and we can share that love one in whom the love of God is perfected, said John. First John two is the one who is been born of God. If you are Christian then you cannot come along so I'm sorry I really try to love her but I don't have the capability yes you do that supernatural spiritual love is there, if you choose to exercise it when a man is spirit filled when he is so filled with joy and gratitude to God for all that Christ is done and when he loves his wife as himself, he will sacrifice himself for her, and thus his authority will be soft and warm and affirming and secure and she will follow if she is obedient to God's plan for. I suppose men. We might even ask the question, when was the last time you made a sacrifice for your wife.

I'm not talking about something trivial. Something significant of you crucified self set something aside to focus on her. I know many men are anxious to be leaders in and spiritual giants and they want to appear as there are in control of everything and there are the pious leader of the family, but true spirituality really really is death to self. So sometimes it's hard to recognize the real strong spiritual leader in a family because he's humble is humble. He's taking up his cross daily.

He's denying self he's dying daily. He's willing to be crucified with Christ is looking not on his own things, but on the things of others esteeming others better than himself. He setting aside his desires for her and it may well be that he appears weak, when in fact be strong. I suppose death to self is the real issue somewhere along your pilgrimage as a Christian, you need to learn to die to yourself regularly. It saves you from being defensive, revengeful retaliatory hostile accumulating the list of things against you when you are forgotten or neglected or purposely set aside, and you sting and hurt with the insult or the oversight, but your heart is happy and you count it a privilege to suffer for Christ that is dying to self.

When your good is evil spoken of, when she misunderstands you when your desires are not interesting to her. When your advice is disregarded and your opinions are ridiculed, and when you are abused when you are mistreated or misunderstood, and you refuse to let anger rise in your heart, or even defend yourself that is dying to self. When you lovingly and patiently bear any disruption, any irregularity, any annoyance, when you can stand face-to-face with folly and waste and extravagance and insensitivity and endure it as Jesus endured it.

That is dying to self. When you are content with any food, any close any climate, any society, any interruption or any solitude that is dying to self. When you never care to refer to yourself in a conversation or to record and recite your own good works, or to pursue commendation when you can truly love to be unrecognized for something good that is dying to self. When you see someone else prosper someone else reach goals that you desire and you can honestly rejoice with that other person in spirit and feel no envy and not question God, while your needs are far greater and in desperate circumstances that is dying to self gentlemen when you can receive correction and reproof from your wife and humbly submit inwardly as well as outwardly feel no rebellion and feel no resentment rising within your heart that is dying to self. And that's what makes you the leader God wants you to be in your home.

It's when self dies, the manner with which we are to love our wives as the manner with which Christ loved the church. First of all, that is a sacrificial love the demands death to self. It's not easy, especially if you're strong person confident person capable person successful person smart person, wise person respected person leader type to constantly deny yourself the great spiritual challenge, but that's what God calls for, and when you lead in an environment of love and self-denial you create the atmosphere and a woman longs for.

Secondly, this love is not only a sacrificial love, but it is a purifying love is a purifying love and this is very important for us to understand Ephesians chapter 5 verse 26 we are to love as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her verse 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word that he might present to himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and blameless, though this is a beautiful picture here. Christ loves his church with a sacrificial love and with a sanctifying love or a purifying love. He loves his church enough to cleanse her. He loves his church enough to present her without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but holy and blameless.

What is it me it means he seeks the church is purity. He wants the church can he see the word there.

Verse 27 in all her glory and the axon that is in all her gorgeous splendor. Luke 725 translated gorgeously apparel old as if she were clean, Christlike beauty. It's talking about the beauty of purity.

This splendor of holiness and virtue without spot. That means staying without wrinkle or flawed routine in the Greek flaw. When Christ takes his church to be his bride gives his life for his church and then he seeks the purity of his church, Christ is the purifier of the church and that is the way we are to be toward our wives we are to do everything we can to lead them to holiness and purity.

Verse 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word gentlemen, if you do anything in the in the life of your wife expose her to the word of God bring her under the hearing of the word of God, that she might be daily routinely cleansed, that is John 15 to puts it to the one right before the verse I read he takes every branch that bears fruit and purges it, that it might bear more fruit. God wants to purify his own and a husband must desire to purify his wife.

How does he do that by constantly exposing her to the word of God. You are the you are the prophet in that home you are the one to bring her under the hearing of the word of God to make her clean to purifier John 1717 says sanctify them through thy truth, I word is truth. It's the word that cleanses first of all, in your own heart, in your own mind you want to be certain that you never lead your wife into any sin. You never exposure to any iniquity don't draw her into those things which are going to tempt a notetaker to some form of entertainment. That's going to expose her to sinful feelings don't irritate her or exacerbate her or embitter her so that she falls to the temptation of anger and you know where the buttons are. Don't you you can say to her all you're just like your fill in the blank mother and you know what that does. Or you can drag up that same deal out of the past that always elicits the same hostility when you're ready to really wound don't do that if you seek her purity. If you seek her holiness. If you see Kurt to be spotless and without stain and without flaw to be cleansed and holy and blameless, then you would never lead her into anything that would produce iniquity, you would never exposure to anything that would produce strong temptation. On the other hand, you would constantly bring the word of God to her you can do that a number of ways. Make sure that you're here to hear the word of God and she's by your side. Make sure that you give her opportunity to be involved in a Bible study or whatever it might be the spent time she needs reading the word of God and being challenged by books or whatever tapes, whatever source. Make sure that you encourage those things in her life so sad have men come to me and say I don't know what went wrong but all of a sudden my wife is gone and she ran off with whoever and I often have to say. Of course you understand that's not the beginning of something that's the end of something and what it is the end of is a long developed pattern of sin before you finally built like that one of you been doing to disciple your wife so that that doesn't happen that spiritual leadership is a joint heir is one was equal to you in Christ, what are you doing to strengthen her spiritually bring her under the sound preaching and teaching of God's word exposure to great truth of Scripture call her the purity never do anything that could lead her to be tempted. Don't put her in a position to be tempted. That's another reason why I'm so concerned about men who send their wives out to work in an ungodly world because they are exposed to very strong temptation there in that kind of office environment with all those well-dressed slick successful men there dressed for that environment as well. Everything looks pretty good and they come home and it's a little bit different. You know your slopping around in your dirty jeans with-year-old T-shirt on and she's poking around in her ragged bathrobe and it just isn't the same. Why expose her to the kind of temptation that she will experience in that environment. You know what the Lord constantly does with his church, he says, come out from among them and be what separate don't touch the unclean thing he's always try to pull the church out of the world love not the world knew that things are in the world.

I know the damage those things are going to do because friendship with the world is enmity with God. James is an and the Lord is our turn to pull us out and separate us in and not allow our thinking to be influenced by the world. Romans 12 very very straightforward command is given to us with regard to worldliness. Do not be conformed to this world be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Get out of that system get out of that way of thinking gentlemen, you have the responsibility for the protection of your wife's purity on every front and the negative side of that is to prevent temptation.

The positive side of that is to expose her to the teaching and the instruction of the word of God. In Athens, for example, when a bride was taken she was to be bathed in the waters of the Colorado River. The river was sacred to the people in it symbolized a cleansing from all previous defilement and an entrance into a pure marital life and that's why. Traditionally there's a white gown worn by a bride. The first time she is married. That is to represent purity marriages to be a purifying experience. It takes this woman and separates her from all others under her husband a purifying relationship.

Husband then takes on the responsibility for the maintenance of that purity, the love of Christ for his church causes him to desire to keep his church clean your love for your wife should have the same exact desire limitation.

It's pretty challenging to live with a godly woman pretty challenging.

I know how challenging it is. It's pretty challenging to live with a woman who expects you to live everything you preach pretty ridiculous and it's very challenging to live with somebody who has immensely high expectations for your virtue and you might say to yourself, you know I have a lot more fun if my wife wasn't so picky but in the end your heart tells you what a privilege. What an honor. What a joy to have someone who has such high standards of spiritual accountability to hold you to what benediction and blessing that brings on your own life. If a wife can bring up to a husband Shirley in the husband's role. He is a greater responsibility to bring it to her second Corinthians 11 to bosses. I'm jealous for you with a godly jealousy I betrothed you to one husband, that the Christ I might present you as a pure virgin, but I am afraid lest as the serpent deceived Eve by his craftiness, your minds should be led astray from the simplicity and purity of devotion to Christ. Paul says I want you Schuller and devoted to Christ and I fear that you going to follow off after some other lovers. True love is always concerned with the purity of its object, Christ with his church. Paul with his congregation man with his wife disciple. Her purifier never exposure to impure influences.

Her purity is your responsibility.

In fact even says in first Corinthians chapter 14 verse 35 if women desire to learn anything with them as their own husbands at home for its improper for a woman to speak in church gentlemen we are to be the theological teacher we are to be the spiritual source we are to be the spiritual repository of truth or a woman can come that in hearing the truth. She may be purified if you really love your wife you're going to hate anything that defiles her anything that steals her purity will become to you a terrifying enemy any so-called love, which drags a partner down to uncleanness is a false love false love. Love always seeks the absolute purity of its object and it seeks it sacrificially real love is sacrificial and real love is a cleanser cleanser use discipline if it needs to Hebrews chapter 12 verses 5 to 10 tells us how the Lord disciplines, whom he loves and husband. If you're filled with the spirit, if your heart is right. Your life is right you to purify your wife. It may mean confrontation that may mean a certain discipline, but it certainly means you protect her from temptation and you exposure to the purifying influence of God's truth. Well, verse 27 will close fall, says were to present our lives just as Christ presents to himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and blameless. You want to present your wife and all her pure splendor. That's her beauty is not her hair in her wardrobe. It's a purity that is her beauty. No place for degrading her no place for criticizing her no flat no place for knocking her you want to lift her up. Her purity is her glory. Her holiness is her beauty, loving husband, the loving husband is not ashamed of his wife. He never degrades his wife. He never criticizes his wife. He never speaks unkindly of his wife. He never paints her faults large, the loving husband like Christ seeks only to present his bride exalted, pure and glorious love seeks to honor so that's how we look sacrificially cleansing or sanctifying her as well purifying her and the love that honors the lifts her and says look what God has given me. That's the love that thrills the heart of the wife and sacrifice for your wife keep her pure exposure to Scripture if your husband your practicing biblical love when you do those things and you're helping you lead your family to real fulfillment that summarizes today's message from John MacArthur as he continued his series on grace to you titled the fulfilled family. Keep in mind you can own this study and an 11 CD album or you can download all of the MP3s free of charge. You're sure to review these biblical truths again and again to get a copy of the fulfilled family contact us today.

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Box 4000 panorama city, CA 91412 and of course you can also donate online@jidety.org or express your support when you call us 855 grace our website one more time. She TY.org now for John MacArthur and the entire staff. I'm Phil Johnson. Thanks for tuning in today and join us Friday when John continues his study, the fulfilled family with another 30 minutes of unleashing God's true one verse at a time on grace to you