Family Structure Equality For Children

Many people in our culture really have the right to do what ever they want child family structure is faintly policymakers with NC family Pres. John Rustin thanks for joining us this week for family policy matters.

Our guest today is Jennifer Johnson, associate Dir. of the roof, a global nonprofit organization focused on preventing divorce and also helping the millions of people who have been negatively affected by the breakdown of the family as a matter of further introduction I like to read a brief passage from the Ruth Institute website which so poignantly describes what this organization is all about and it says cultural conservatives have allowed themselves to be outmaneuvered by the sexual revolutionaries, sexual revolutionaries have defined the terms of the debate they have largely dictated the cultural narrative about sex, marriage and family. Yet the full story of the harms of the sexual revolution has never been honestly and completely told the Ruth Institute is working to create a new story, a new narrative. The victims of the sexual revolution are largely invisible in society, and voiceless in the cultural conversation Ruth Institute is dedicated to inspiring the victims of the sexual revolution to become survivors and ultimately advocates for positive change. We believe giving voice to the victims of the sexual revolution is due them. As a matter of justice.

We also believe that their voices have unique potential to change the cultural narrative around family marriage and human sexuality, and while I think that is such a powerful and true statement.

So with that I want to welcome Jennifer Johnson to the program today. She's with us to discuss her new book, marriage, inequality how natural marriage upholds the ideal of equality for children, Jennifer, welcome back to family policy matter to try to have you on the show again hi John, thank you so much for having mankind I'm really glad that you contact us statement on our website because I was actually involved with crafting that statement and one of the reasons that I really appreciate working for Dr. Morris is that my life story fits very well with the mission of the Ruth Institute, because as perhaps some of your listeners are, you know, I was a child of divorce and child of multiple remarriages and so-called blended family and so forth and so my life story just fit quite well and I am I wrote up at this new booklet that you invited me on to talk about called marriage inequality. It's part memoir and part argument. Helping people to understand that we can take the concept of equality which people on the left is love and we can apply it to our issue to help reach out to those people and help them see that we do share of value with them that maybe they didn't quite realize before interesting will certainly unpack the internal conversation today, and Jennifer, one of the first lines in your book is in "Christian social concern. We believe in equality but may not realize it. Explain how natural marriage which is supported by most socially conservative Christians creates equality for children well you know the natural marriage will often talk about Christian sexual morality and saving sex for marriage and marriage between one man and one woman and child bearing inside marriage and so forth and all that is really great to talk about but I discovered that this type of advocacy has an implicit backside. So if we think of it like a queen you know the coin has a heads and has a tail so the advocacy for Christian sexual ethics is at. So like the head of the claim, but if you turn it around, look at the tail and the tail of that coin is a what I call family structure, equality for children so the ancient Christian teachings on sex and marriage when they are followed on a wide scale more closely to how they used to be in our country for just 50 years ago that creates a type of equality for children and how their families are structured and I even created an image of this claim in the special report where one side it says Christian sexual ethics and then the claimant turns around and it says family structure, equality for children so and all the children have families that are structured similarly.the type of equality among them Jennifer. I know that you observed the family structure which you also view is a triangle between one between married parents and their biological children is really a reflection of the Trinity, God the father, God the son and God the Holy Spirit, but you also say that you were deeply impacted when you compare that vision to your own family structure which included divorce as you said in multiple stepparents go through force if you would. The inequalities that are created for children in a family that is not shaped like a triangle that reflects the biblical Trinity, whether that is intentional or unintentional right. Yes, that's important.

I think sometimes I am. I want your listeners to understand that they may be in the situation that that they didn't because they make their dear child may be experiencing this type of inequality and they the parent themselves did not cause it. So I don't want anybody to start feeling really bad about this, but the fact is, is that any child who is being raised outside of that intact triangle is experiencing just one form of inequality, but several forms of inequality and I've gone through and I talked about four of them in the book so the first one is a something that I call inequality among full-blooded siblings and among peers. So as I first came to this type of inequality.

I was talking to Dr. Morris about her childhood and I asked her how many kids at school did she know who had divorced parents and she said that she could think of one, so I imagine all the kids on the playground look like a little cartoon bubble above their head and they all had the triangle in the little cartoon bubble above their heads except for one who had the triangle liquor/glad you're the daughter triangle and on the/between a monitor downing the divorced but that was actually a type of equality that they all have they all had the same kind of family structures. This manifests in different ways. If they had different family structures under being treated differently and unequal dynamics. So some of them have to pretend that, for example, kids of divorce have to pretend that their mom doesn't exist when there is no doubt Tom and Linda and their moms on.

They have to pretend that their dad doesn't exist. And similarly, kids who are raised in a in a gay male householder have to pretend that their mom doesn't exist in kids who are raised in a lesbian household have to pretend that God doesn't exist and some of them have to go back and forth between two homes so you can see that these are all structural problems that are related to this idea of sexual and reproductive freedom. Many people in our culture really truly do believe that they have the right to do whatever they want with the child's family structure. They really do believe that sexual reproductive freedom gives them these rights but really what it means from the child's perspective is that it's an inequality.

How do you respond to those who point to various studies the purport to fund no difference between children that are raised by their own, married, biological parents were that triad is intact and children raised in households where there may have been divorce longer raise the children being raised by same-sex couples in America.

Same-sex parenting studies are not reliable so very often they rely on small convenience sample, and the problem with those sorts of samples is that you cannot then take those results and generalized to the entire population. Another problem is some of the studies is that they reach out to the parents themselves and then ask how your kids doing what you know, it should be obvious that there's going to be an incentive to sale my kids are doing great so I don't think that the studies are reliable. I think that they're methodologically flawed so I categorically reject that claim and I encouraged about your listeners to do the same. You was listening to policy matters of resource and to listen to our radio show online, and someone resources that will be a voice of persuasion in US community to our website and see family.org Jennifer appreciate what you said earlier about the circumstances surrounding divorce and broken families happening for a variety of situations and the intent here is not to make people who find themselves in those circumstances feel poorly or anything of that nature and in fact the circumstance that that I want to ask you about his current your views is a look through the lens of the research of the studies that you done.

How do you recommend the folks view the beauty of adoption in those types of relationships which obviously you have a situation where a child may or may not have a biological parent in that sleuth family structure, but that that is a beautiful lady of grace and love and mercy and those relationships how how you view adoption in the context encounter through the lens of this analysis to done write what you know I always get that question I always get the question what about adoption.

Some people go so far as to say what you mistake at the Topsham and that is absolutely not the case. I am absolutely in favor of ethical adoption, but we have to remember why. Why do we have adoption now adoption and principal exist to provide parents to children who need to them.

Okay adoption in principle, is not about providing children to parents who want them such a very does it to very different ideas, and as long as as long as the child is going into the situation where they're not being raised by their own mother and father for the sake of the child is on is actually happening for the sake of the child and primarily for the sake of the child, then I'm in favor of it. So in a for example, was the child languishing in foster care, or in an orphanage or encountered one or both parents die will then of course you know adoption makes sense. In those cases right, but the problem is is that sometimes people they want to think that I'm against adoption, but what they don't understand is that like third party reproduction her sperm donation, a donation box not adoption.

That's not a situation where you already have a child who needs parent. That's a situation where you're creating a child or deliberately separating the child from his culture off of the is untouchable is language from his origins in order to cricket to satisfy a market demand.

Children she can see that in principle.

Those are two very very different things, and as long as is the former. I'm in favor of it.

But if it's the latter, I am categorically against it. Jennifer, how can we as compassionate individuals and in all the members of the church for that matter, support the children of divorce and and tried to do in the midst of the culture that we are dealing in now. And the reality of that.

How can we support children of divorce and help to bring more of this equality back or is that even possible. Well I'm really glad you asked this question and I'm I want to mention something to I'm divorced as an adult, so I don't want any of your readers to think that I'm throwing stones at people who might be on that same situation.

So I certainly do understand it and as far as helping the children of divorce. I think one way that we can bring some equality back into their lives is to first be willing to really listen to them and I think that we've placed so many burdens upon them that we really don't realize how hard it is for them. How little real language or concepts exist for them to describe their experience.

I know speaking for myself, I really wanted to be resilient. I really wanted to be strong I really wanted to be everything to be okay.

You know I wanted. I don't let my parents to be happy. Of course I could so those expectations actually placed a burden on me to be quiet to not say anything to not talk about how much it hurt to not talk about how difficult it was to not talk about how unfair it seemed at times, so I'd like us to start removing some of these cultural lies about kids are resilient and babies are blank slates and typically find the cancer happy like us to peel away those lies and start letting the kids of divorce really tell their own stories about what it was actually like, and I think that would be a huge step forward for culture that's a great point to end own and unfortunately Jennifer would just about out of time for this week, but I want to give you an opportunity before we go to let our listeners know where they can get a copy of your new booklet and also learn more about the work of the Ruth Institute. How wonderful. Thank you.

Yes about this special report is called marriage inequality, natural marriage upholds the ideal of equality for children and it's available at the Ruth Institute web store and also on Amazon and I would really love it if your readers got a copy of the book, and I'd love to know what they think about it, they count vacant write to me at the Ruth Institute or find me on Facebook and also they can follow the Ruth Institute on Facebook and they can sign up for the Ruth Institute newsletter@ruthinstitute.org Jennifer Johnson on thank you so much for joining us again on family policy matters for your honesty and transparency, ensuring your own story and just for the great work that you're doing is a resistance you so much generally appreciate thank you John family policy matters production of NZ only to listen to our radio show online, and for more valuable resources and information about issues important to families in North Carolina go to our website and see family.org and follow us on Twitter and Facebook