Walking With Families Through The Toughest Times A Parent Can Face

This is family policy matters.

Focus on faith tradition Thomas grand pastor outreach director for NC family join us once a month is pastor Graham shine some light on the intersection between our Christian faith and engaging our culture you for joining us for this week. Special focus on very pleased to be joined by remarkable walk with families through some of the toughest times per person with is the cofounder and administrative court of be not afraid and beautiful ministry headquartered right here in North Carolina that provides tangible and loving supportive parents whose unborn children receive difficult diagnosis and who still commit to carrying their children to term. After starting in western North Carolina, be not afraid, is no a national ministry serving families in all 50 states Tracy Windsor. Welcome to family policy matters. It's great to have you on the show today. Tracy on this show were all about personal stories and I know you have spent your life walking right alongside so many people through what may be the most difficult portion of their personal story, but please, what is your story how did you become a woman who embraces the walk day after day, family after family. Would you share with us a bit of your life history.

My my work with me not afraid really very simple and I'm just another who in addition to the six surviving children had to Boston so I'm off to Beatty early in pregnancy my comments and my Gabriel and somehow or another got that experience to create a ministry to help other people taking piano prior to cofounding DNA my life history included a lot of other professional pursuits. As you noted in volunteering within the community and at church that provided service to others been very fortunate that Alexei had the experience of helping others from my proficiencies. Like most people I enjoy being successful and unfeeling in one way or another that God is my guest and my talents to help others and I thought that skill set my work with BNA, but I think it's really important to note why this work is so different in terms again of my life history and I can share a story that with constructive communion and maybe will be instructive for your listeners to in terms of how market BNA is different in the story is that that early on in this ministry.

I was providing program for crippled labor and delivery nurses regarding what be not afraid office to parents, especially around our supported upper and toward the end. One of the nurses raised her hand and she said something like well in a clinically I'm really very proficient and sensitive nurse.I know I do a good job for the parents. I care for my neighbors, the baby in that case what what you offer that I'm not already doing and for just a minute. I panicked a second I thought that the great? The answer, better than her and I suddenly have the answer which was started in the context to be not afraid.

Very true, and I said when I hold the mother's dead baby. She knows I felt my own and those words were heavy and that ramp but it also made me realize for the first time how different my work, my DNA work was from anything outside ever done before and that my core value in this ministry is not associated with my strength, but rather the sad fact that I had these two precious and beloved babies that I couldn't say in that when God as I said somehow or another use that experience to create a ministry to help other people he got from that most painful poverty of my life. The most meaningful and really must accomplish work I've ever had any cattle ever have a unique and beautiful life for remission of free books, but maybe you could answer them by telling us what led you and your cofounder Cindy book to absolute just to directly sound the best that Sandy back and I each after our own bath. It had found work in the church providing Paris-based bereavement ministry to parents who had experienced perinatal office and in the course of doing that work. We had what we now refer to as the year of our 280 and we had to families two different pregnancies, both complicated with prenatal diagnosis on both babies were aiding in the first family had a condition wherein the kidneys don't develop, and as a result, these babies are challenged in terms of one development.

She had tried medical intervention prenatally was unsuccessful. Abortion was offered. She thought equity consultation and was advised that you know since her baby was going to die anyway.

Probably terminating the pregnancy was okay but at some point she cracked open with her story and we recognize that she hadn't really gotten the best information she hadn't understood the option carrying the term and look at her church community there been a support for that option.

That was our first date. The second aiding was born unexpectedly within our parish community. His family was well known in the parish they had received devastating units regarding the fact that he had multiple disabilities, and because it was so devastating and told anyone they didn't really know how to share the news in such a way and may be kind of white knuckle it to the pregnancy and suddenly he was born and frail in the NICU and that was the first time anyone realized that there was an issue that we were able to support that might sue alife.

The second aiding space life and death. We got in the end of those two things and we thought – here are two sets of people very active in the church and neither found what they needed. So we started looking complete.

At that point, we didn't really think it we ready. After that we got lucky some answer my brother and we found that the medical model of care called perinatal hospice.

But we walked out of that realizing that different or had a different piece of this but nobody had comprehensive approach to how you support families in this experience showed me look at each other.

Lisette on my gosh, what God wants us to do this and so here we are and about 120 babies that we welcomed later and leave for third BNA model services and other places across the country. I would like to talk talk a little bit about the medical side of your work and be not afraid, for Jubal when will you actually come onto the ceiling with his parents generally been told by the time you find each other.

Parents are referred to us or they find us. Generally, shortly after they receive a diagnosis of some length about families that can be sometime between 17 and 20 weeks gestation. Occasionally we will get parents earlier. So in fact, this week we've had two moms referred to us at roughly 13 weeks gestation.

So in in North Carolina. Most of our referrals come from the medical community that genetic counselors and obstetricians and others who were for parents directly for support nationally.

Most of our referrals come by word-of-mouth. Excellent parents have been told continues today really shocking to me. You know, although the numbers are staggering 80% of parents to get a prenatal diagnosis will terminate the pregnancy and the interesting thing for Christians and pro-lifers to realize is that when offered up services support like that we provided. Be not afraid 80% will carry the term so silly, so it's clear that that parents experiencing a prenatal diagnosis do in fact want a better option and in fact you can make the medical case for carrying to term. Being the better option than terminating on a number for number of reasons that is often not still the information that parents get so when parents come to us.

I would say most lacks some level of informed consent for the testing they have received and often we see that a screening test has been presented as diagnostic so they may be stayed.

I've been told my baby has when in fact they should've been told that there's a possibility that their baby has that kind of thing. It's very common.

If that is not common if there is a diagnosis that they got the most negative perspective of what that diagnosis might mean all have been offered abortion at least once over the course of the diagnosis and and often there offered abortion multiple times, and by multiple providers and lastly both parents that comes US ability made the decision to carry to term and in virtually all of them have been led to believe that if they carry to term the baby will not survive to a term birth which is actually not what we find most of our family. In fact, you have it, term birth, and most of our families ultimately they had a live birth which means and I get 15 to 20 minutes of life, but for families caring to turn that the possibility of holding the baby for even just that brief time alive is such a guest room. What would you say right now to the mother or father who was listening to this review show what would you say to them.

Perhaps we just received an unexpected prenatal diagnosis for their child. Yeah conformist.

I would say I am so sorry I am so excited this is happening here because one of the things that we often find is that within the medical community. Parents are. Leave the diagnosis with the sense that they had a medical crisis but not that their greed and the importance of acknowledging the bereavement is that when you work in other bereavement work with spouses who lose a spouse or parent who is an adult child.

We always caution the bereaved not to make any major life decisions because it still possible when you are brief to make a decision that long-term is not the right decision for you and we even say, for instance, if a wife loses a husband maybe take a year before you make a major decision and don't rush to do anything, but with the families who receive a prenatal diagnosis often the option to terminate the pregnancy is offered at the ultrasound without first getting the news that there appear to be markers or indications the ultrasound something John first and foremost on. I'm so sorry this is happening to you, and secondly I would suggest they not rush not allow himself to be rushed into making a decision or into further testing it. As I said, I think it's really important parents get good information and balance information because I can almost guarantee that parents experiencing prenatal diagnosis are getting information that is at least subtly focused on the uptake of testing as well as the uptake of abortion and obviously abortion is not good, but sometimes the uptake of testing may not be advantages and advantages to parents. I also think that parents who decide to carry to term solicit parents had a diagnosis and they noted in curated terms that they perceive, maybe they don't need support from an organization like ours may still need to understand that the medical community who finds it completely acceptable to abort a child with a particular prenatal diagnosis may not be prepared to offer the care they might want for that same child at birth if in fact they decide to move forward with extraordinary care, or sometimes even basic care and so parents experiencing a prenatal diagnosis have to not only navigate the experience of the diagnosis and experience. It came to term but many need to be ready to navigate what can be a challenging and maybe even an unsupported neonatal environment for the baby who lives so grandparents with a new diagnosis. I would say reach out and we are here for you and is ultimately decided about being a support we can offer some suggestions for other resources that you may want to secure that I do think reaching out his good idea versus the social is extremely good wisdom and was counseled to offer so let's look close out this review showed the boy answering the question work in our listeners go to learn more about be not afraid.

Our website is www.be not afraid, all lowercase and run together.net and on the homepage there. There is a parent support button to parents can refer themselves easily, or someone else wants to refer parents and just so that your listeners know usually start the initiate that referral week may contact within 24 hours and we set up a time to talk and we basically let mom and dad or mom litigant, found tell us what the diagnosis story is we identify if there's any information regarding testing that they need to know or testing that might be considered or whether they've got an idea that a screening test is diagnostic or whatever. We may also offer some information about treatment and particular how moms and dads agrees differently. We make some other general suggestions for them the things to consider in weekly follow-up. That phone call with an email with resources and we said parents at that point and it is a lot that you cannot control about a prenatal diagnosis but one thing you have control over is whether or not you want our support we get parents time to think about whether they want us around wonderful truths you will sleep you so very much for the group to save the world. Thank you so much for being with us and you hold your wife love you work with. God bless you Tracy, thank you so much.

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