Seeking Authentic Lifelong Friendship In An Increasingly Impersonal World

There's something about friendship. It touches upon the true the good and the beautiful Christ said to the disciples I call you friend. This is the policy with NC family Pres. John Weston thanks for joining us this week for family policy matters in an increasingly social media driven interpersonal world.

Authentic lifelong friendships can be hard to come by. Many adults can count the number of true deep friendships I have on one hand, one group of 10 men who spent the last 30 years creatively breaking this trend and in fact they have become the subject of a new big screen Hollywood movie today were joined by father Sean Rafter's a parish priest in Montana who is become well known in recent years is one of the Gonzaga prep Tad brothers whose story has been featured by the Wall Street Journal, ESPN, CBS, and is now the inspiration for the summer blockbuster movie tag. Now let me be quick to say that our conversation today is not intended to be an endorsement of this R-rated movie, but rather that we are excited to have father rafters with us today to discuss this intriguing story and also the importance of deep lasting friendships, which really underlies it. Father rafters. Welcome to family policy matters is great to have you with us think he got wonderful to be with you, and I decided to hide all the listeners and especially everybody involved with the North Carolina family policy Council, I really appreciate the great work you do know father rafters.

The story of the tad brothers begins in the 1970s, one of you described your friendship group is having everything and nothing in common. Back then, how did you all meet and what drew you to let a great question now goes to other men who had everything and nothing in common, the Disciples of Christ, and that we were fortunate enough, our families, our mothers and fathers sacrifice to send to a Catholic high school Gonzaga prep and in high school. We of course had the commonality of our Christian faith and were taught. We were taught about the good, the true, the beautiful in our inner religion classes and it was Christ that animates everything about the school and I think that they obviously that's the underlying animator of our friendship was Christ and you're able to just be drawn together from different parts of the city.

Your counterpart from different backgrounds and different personalities. So was essentially think Christ brought us together in our families are mom and dads were so good model friendship for us and that we are able.

I just thought the guys had a great sense of humor and were very good-natured, brought us together, that's great. I think many of us can relate to that.

However, your friendship has lasted for 30 years and also the game that you all started playing back. Then tag is something that you continue to do today talk about that old, but what was interesting. We started playing in high school and at the end of our junior year. The game is finished in one of our members was a year ahead of us. So you know Joe was it for life and until 1990. We continue to figure out a way because people are getting married.

They were developing careers and getting involved in their communities and are living in disparate places and so we found this is a way to literally keep in touch that silly game of tag that we figure handicap Anita started up again and to figure out excuses to maybe travel by car, plane over to visit friends and it tag them and then hang out for a while and have dinner or lunch or coffee just cannot catch up with one another. Let's need. I know you say it's a silly game, but it also is a pretty serious business for you all understand that you even have a legal agreement that all of you have signed so.

So what are the rules of this game of tag will dictate participation agreement essentially boils down to three rules. First of all home at the federal secondly, there are no tag backs so if you and I are in the room and on it, I take it you can't take me back in the third rule is if you are it. And I ask you, you have to answer truthfully and reasonably promptly those of the basic three simple rules of practice you've already made reference to this, but I think it's definitely worth digging into a bit. You have said that your relationship with with Jesus Christ is really the basis of that and of course we notice that Jesus began his public ministry with a group of friends as well.

Why is friendship so important for the Christian life, especially when we consider the lives that we live in an increasingly; polarized world. I think it's because of we live in an increasingly; polarized world the need for friendship is even more stated today because there's something about friendship that touches upon the true the good and the beautiful Christ said to the disciples I call you friend and every a lot of these movements, you know, whether religious or secular that were very lasting. Whether it's the religious orders that came about the Catholic Church, whether it's band of brothers yelled out series was based upon.

In World War II, and I think friendship is something that resonates with everybody every man and woman years for friendship ultimately it's friendship in Christ that we yearn for and so you know during our lives were given these great graces of relationship in that were part of the body mystical body of Christ honored and part of that is you know, no man is an island so we need to be able to have that contact that communion with one another and so precisely because is sometimes an impersonal aspect of friendship where you can I can social media list you as by one click is a friend of mine never met you, I know nothing about you that in this day and age is nothing like authentic human contact, and there's nothing like the holiness of developing a friendship with men and women in the agape sense Christ likes swear it's meant to help us through good times and bad, and to make the great, the good times that it will rejoice and also to consult one another when were going through times of heartbreak lost difficulty in suffering that we all can encounter your listening policy matters resource to listen to our radio show online resources that will be a place of persuasion in your community website collecting why assume that after 30 years. Not all 10 of you who are in this game of tags share the same opinions, priorities or lifestyles. Why is it important for us to form and keep friendships with people who may be very different from us. I think it shows the many faces of Christ and the many, many faces of humanity.

Take a look at the disciples yet. Peter, James and John need for disparate and Thomas.

Thomas didymus and you had this multiplicity of personalities that they were all followers of Christ, so it's you know like the model of the country E player this out of many, one yearning towards unity.

I think in inhumanity and that we yearn for communion. I think it's very important and it's beneficial and exceeds the sole test friendships to to realize that our pilgrimage to heaven while very very valuable and an official for the soul, mind and body to be able to friendships, those who where we have things in common with but also to realize we have a lot of things to learn from folks with different opinions different viewpoints come from different professions, and even different economic strata that everybody has something to offer in terms of their opinions and work were rational being, yet that spark of the divine, like intellectual facility in us reason and were always have these capacities to question them to learn what were supposed to learn much we think were done learning when trouble and so it sticks engaging with folks who have different views when us makes us better because it makes us understand human nature on some photographs is you and your buddies have been friends for 30 years and that's awesome.

But what would you say to a man who finds himself in the prime of his life. But who lacks these lifelong friendships like you all have. How can men go about developing authentic and lasting friendships at later stages of life. The great question. I think first of all, you know we all have a friend in Christ Jesus, and in on the communion of saints, we have these great men and women on the floor?

And don't have good examples of relationships around. I would say either reach out to somebody you haven't reached out to in a while or get involved in your church and they're all sorts of organizations, the Lions Club, you know, the Rotary club there. There are many ways in which a person can reach out to make contact with organizations or maybe somebody you thought about calling or maybe somebody you need to forgive or accept forgiveness from their multiplicity of ways in which men can and find a friend. I think to it. It's important to be careful about where you search out a friend. I think the best place to start is in your in your faith community and just pray about it and ask the Lord to to direct you are to help you may contact somebody to make your life richer and more holy now before we had our conversation today from the rafters. I would be remiss if I didn't ask you to reminisce about a couple of your favorite moments as you have played tag with your friends over the years. What are some of your favorite tag or failed tag attempts to give an account of at least two first one in 1991 I was living in Seattle and Mike and Mike. Mike can ask you to take brother was living down in Palo Alto near my other take brother Joe Tom Barry was a newlywed time I flew on a Saturday from Seattle to San Jose. Mike picked me up. I got into his car in a block away from Joe's house was a newlywed time. I before I got into the trunk. I said Mike go up to Joe and Tony have a new set of golf clubs you want to show them in the trunk and then about a block away from Joe's house I got in the trunk. Mike goes over to Joe's house knocks on the door. I didn't know what was going on, you know, you're literally in the dark so I heard voices at her to keep going to the trunk popped open about 6 inches and I saw/I figured it was Joe slide one now the last thing you want to see expect to see his hand coming out of the trunk while it was Joe's wife and she was so startled that she backpedaled and tripped over the curb and onto the grass, looked over and popped open the trunk and jumped out Joe was 2 feet away.

Looking completely stunned and I went tag Joe your buddy. Unfortunately, Joanne tore her ACL time and so we went and attended Joanne and that night we took her out for pizza and make sure she was okay. He's fine now. She had an operation. She is gold now that was one of my favorite also the second, my favorite tag of all time was at the hands of my friend Mark Ming.

He and I waited in the first day of first grade together and we made friends and Mark dressed up the guns at University Bulldogs are great basketball program and it was in one of the last days of the season. They were playing against a team and they're televised on your skin. Mark dresses up like the guns a couple.I got a mascots out and he went to the went down the stairs in the bulldog outfit and Brian Dennehy was in the third row center court with his brother Sean. So Mark walks over to Brian tags an enhancement note says dear Brian, your it was a great victory on Mark's part that was my all time favorite will. That sounds like a lot of fun and just a great way to to continue those lifelong friendships that father rafters unfortunately were the end of our conversation, but I did want to give you an opportunity to let our listeners know where they might go to learn more about authentic friendship and the tide brother story.

I think the best place to start is you Google Bill Russell Adams is Wall Street Journal article on tag is available online and you click on to the take participation agreement that the best place to start because Russell Adams. It was our friend is an honorary tag brother.

He's a great guy he was when was responsible for all the publicity when the article came out in 2013 Wall Street Journal article basically says a lot. There's also a friend of mine. She wrote an article. Prof. Dawn Eden Goldstein. She wrote an article about tag in the in the current online and print edition of Angeles, which is the diopter archdiocesan newspaper magazine for the Los Angeles archdiocese side of the Wall Street Journal or Angeles just go ahead and take a look at those in their actually excellent article will that's great.

Thanks so much for those resources and I just want to encourage our listeners to take advantage of that look into the story a little bit more and just realize that hey lifelong friendships are so important. His father, rafters has so aptly stated can really help our relationship not only with each other but with Christ blossom and without father, Sean, rafters owner, thank you so much for being with us on family policy matters and for the great encouragement that you and your story provides to really value nurture and sustain lifelong friendship. Thank you so much listening to family policy matters production and to listen to our radio show online resources and information about issues important to families in North Carolina website family.org and follow us on Twitter and Facebook