Lack of Forgiveness; click here to listen

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Special thing today where we live, probably wherever it occurs in community center. We are our first actual masculine journey live event and that were looking forward to having smart brother Brandy brothers being here with coming to visit with us and we got out we got Dennis coursing absolutely, and this is just not right on his life there to the point? What brand of brothers do you forget we are talking about the topic of forgiveness this week and talk about a different angle, but I want to start out with talking about what a foothold is use that quite a bit, but it comes from Ephesians chapter 4 verses 26 and 27 Paul writes in your anger do not sin do not the sun go down while you're still angry and do not give the devil a foothold of the shot like this are tied together but their separate statements and separate versus and definitely enter anger we consume and we can get the devil but the rest of that chapter and Ephesians really talks about what her other foot holds it doesn't label mapping talks about bitterness. It talks about lots of different things and see what that really meant that work foothold. I looked at it original Greek word call topo's house. Placer apportionment spaces marked off the definitions another.

Once an inhabited place in the third one is really the one that came for me is like wow means a license, an opportunity, a power or an occasion for acting so you give the devil a foothold. You not just getting this little toehold and climb up the rock wall is direct access to your heart. Give him license opportunity power to act in your life really started inflammation that makes such sense when you listen to what Jane says about nothing godly comes from anger. There's no action for man's anger that's godly that's completely true because there is righteous anger but you know truth of the matter is, the dozen confirmand only when you glorify God with your anger, so I completely get where you come from. I think it's not just anger portion right that can do it, but there's also lack of forgiveness lack of repentance like a confession of those types of things, among many others.

We can talk about this topic, lack of forgiveness and Rob you had some information kinda dug up this week from one of our friends, a bookkeeper at John Lynch wrote a book called the cure and in the cure. He talked about since you brought up repentance that that repentance is actually a gift and he may reference a second Timothy passage where there was a resolution that need to happen and he said I praying that God grants them repentance meeting wow that was something God would give somebody is the ability to repent and as he takes that further he starts talking about how you get there with God because one of the most difficult things I know struggle with is where somebody I feel like it's actually really wrong and now I am upset about it and I think the way I see it my own mind as I start running scripts email I become Judge Jerry and I'm ready to go. I've got this this this this this in your honor. This this this this this and if I have a chance to talk to my mother's a bit and basically scripts late and I wonder as I was listening to your foothold your toehold or whatever it must have all of my toe because it seems like even in my sleep. These scripts run as I'm trying to figure out how to get out from underneath you know what's going on part of the charges it's grounded in truth and what happened when another motive necessarily always we misinterpret that there's truth in what happened lease from our view of and so it's hard sometimes to break that agreement when the some level of truth that's in there as well and so we do have a clip that some comical actually become so in the movie Billy Madison if you've ever seen in the course with my name being Gilmore happy Gilmore comes to mind immediately when you think Billy Madison Adams and Adam Sandler movie Billy had gone to school and then injured the person meet your fix to help make you call and make an apology, but apparently this guy's been running the scripts he's allowed Satan to get a foothold for some time, to the point that actually what Billy Madison doesn't realize is that he has been on the list simply ask murder a whole list of the people that he wanted to kill so is you know this sounds like a very innocent conversation.

A very innocent apology, but what's actually happening here is is is significantly different as we hear Billy call to apologize Danny McGrath, Danny McGrath.

I graduated from a business.

This is Billy Madison probably don't remember me but I can't give you a hard time.

I did some things that I thought were funny at the time. Now I realize Mina wanted to apologize.

Yes you're doing better. That's great. I am sorry and get together sometime and I like it okay okay my sounds so innocent and it sounds so simple, but what you don't see because it was the video clip is the guy then turns around and takes a big red magic takes Julie a little longer. Number five actually number three as I recall he wipes them off the list and in the point being is it you know when when Satan has this in your and you don't get do something to get rid of it.

It can really affect your whole life began in on and that's really a lot of time to think.

We misinterpret the Scripture of this list of do's and don'ts relating more times than not, it's about God saying you need to do these things protect your heart you know it's not the sin that there be an authoritarian nightly doesn't have the power to serve our respective not saying that misinterpret that what is really saying is if you do these things you protect your heart. We won't give the enemy access to your life. You know that we see it as some this rulebook of things that I can't do our things that I must do and it's really not either one of those is much as these are things that are going to save your life. Maybe not as literal as Adam Sandler's in the movie that her spiritual life and a lot of our relationships are and that was that was what Billy was really doing right. He didn't know what else was going on there.

So his motive was to someone to do the right thing.

One of I want to make amends for something to happen.

All these years ago and actually I like about the clip is is that it's part of character arc to Billy Madison. In this case it is sincere even really does feel remorse for this and and and he is at the point of humility, saying hey you know I'm not the person I was trying to be or whatever and that he needed that for you. I think if I'm wrong, but in that scene in the movie he just gone through what he put that that he experienced when he realized you know how like I must've felt.

That's when humility started. He was walking in some of the money out the shoes exactly right. That's is exactly what happened but either you got two sides of this coin, you got the one where you may have hurt somebody. But if you've been hurt and you've got a wonderful story Al about you know how we got to deal with this and in and that in itself is like apologizing to God and before we get, you know that we got to come to God and say I'm not the judge here. Your writing when I was in high school and outlived in a very dysfunctional family and I dated this girl and she was probably the best girlfriend I never had up until my wife curly with no I'm not being forced to say that you still plan on being with the visa currently being with you. My wife, but with that said, every time something would go wrong at home and I would just take a break up with because he wasn't good enough and then when I'd start coming out of that valley, like me, and I miss her and want to get back together and so she was like a yo-yo and it was just issues on my part, but it wasn't until I started dating other girls and they were just horrible compared to Hurley's. Maybe it was just that she was the measure, but it was you know I always came back that you know what I never did apologize and so I gone away in the Navy and came back so it was probably 10 years later and I went to her house where she grew up in a dancer.

The phonies like you got here. She married go way back. Claimant were and I thought what the heck and I talked to some friends there right now nor she has what happened to her.

I thought so, for I can't seem like 15 years I try to find her could never connect and in just to tell her I was sorry will I can SR and Facebook probably 10 years ago 15 years ago and I said you know I wrote her an email just to tell her that you know all these years I have carried the burden I was a horrible boyfriend in the know you deserve so much better in you know I didn't really get over that until I got married to my wife but I still carry the burden. I never told you that so I sent her the email and she came back and was so gracious that I really need to hear that this meant a lot to me in its ironic time because it is that stop right there in the story because in a little bit more about it before we go any further thing I find amazing mayor and some that I think is important is it we may have asked God for forgiveness. In a situation like this, but there's some real value. When you've hurt somebody you know you've heard some of what did it mean to you to hear from her. Thank you. Only backed up because there's a burden that carried because so many years when I dated other girls in the didn't measure up. I recognized her value more and more of who she was. The heart she had in so knowing that I miss use that heart was horrible for me. So, to hear her say she forgives me and it was just humbling because all sit there thinking I don't know think it was unworthy of the think you are that the forgiveness took me while the know to finally we got to an end because Milliman two decades when you know Robby, there's another there's another forgiveness to and that's self forgiveness and one of the things that I hear Al saying is you probably struggled with that do so on the backside of that. There was also a blessing to you that you maybe were able to forgive yourself for the way you felt about some things. I don't think that hard to come by sometime later. I don't think I could really forgive myself until she'd yeah and in there was.

It's funny, you know, when you break up with a girl and she's just completely mean and angry and you know takes everything the wrong way and you think, wow, she's nothing like this person you know. But after I apologize to this girl and we exchange an email she told me that the night before she got my email. She and her daughter Raven talks about. Just because a guy says he loves you, or that he cares doesn't mean that it's gonna last forever. That teenage guys are just stupid and I was like I thought about how like every girl now has a guy that is their worst boyfriend. I was that guy the talk that she gave her daughter was about me and that that hurt, but ironed you now mean you know it's kind of an old-fashioned idea that you brought up Dennison that idea of penance right that you know part of the process of getting forgiveness from somebody when you harm is feeling like you have a way to make that right with. I guess that's penance. I know that I think that's probably good work for because until you get that freaking out when you carry that burden your forgiven the burden one gone right away. I had to realize it. I do put down so I it's I recall there was a guy told me about ox is the like. If you let somebody get the docs in the ditch had to get back in Akamai half yeah yeah +20% of oxen ox in the fifth but the hindquarters. It's actually the rise of an ox is a combined bolus for from it's interesting that that that the result of that is our own. I think Tweety Railroad is but yeah I mean that's part of what what goes on in the in that forgiveness of ourselves as we are in that situation. Now I've got another clipper along these very licenses from the movie, what women want and you know Mel Gibson is not apologizing for so many things he could apologize for the in this case he had manipulated his boss in the getting her fired, and that will not and I hear that she get fired, but the result of him stealing her ideas on whatever it got fired, but in the meantime he's had a phenomenal character arc from pretty much the ultimate macho guy movie to beginning to see how he was was affecting everybody else's. He could hear what they were thinking of, and it it it changes sensitivity to figure out you know what life may be really a lot different than what he had taught, but he finds himself in a very awkward position with her having been fired and trying to figure out how to work through this and I took to Safeco I don't blame them for hiring me chairs were hired that brain ideas will awful thing I would corner office and when you came with the job I was supposed to have been matter more than I needed to do anything I could get so I could manage the wrong road, no, you would probably find out all about.

The more I found out I mean my life to make you feel like the price you left the other night and complete will mark you are good you are everything you want to even more. Looks like a mirror. On the morning trying to rescue his even I don't find you one more time Sam as he listened to that. What is that what comes to you as far as he needs to be rescued before I answer that I think that something was unique in this clip is for forgiveness.

She didn't even know she needed to forgiving down. I think that really takes the prompting of the Holy Spirit in your life even go to that staff of wanting to acknowledge something when somebody has no awareness of how it it's somewhat easier maybe to go to talks my you know you have wrong thing. They know you wronged him to go to some guy that likes you and let them know that you wronged him to be very very difficult to do and so when he's talking about. He needs a rescue I think is stepping out on the edge and saying I want to be a different person. I want I want to be authentic with you and I want to know that that safe and I want to know that I can I can do that with you and that's kinda what I heard his eyes listen to it that rescue. I'm not that guy pretended to be for so long, but this is the guy that I really am, and I don't know. Maybe a right hurdle that something different but that's what I was hearing when is law think so and I think there was something else that was talked about in the cure that you were referencing. And that's the difference between seeking reconciliation and dis-resolving conflict because he could go on and said I'm just sorry that really happen. I really made a big stake and I'm really apologize for that wealth. What he was trying to do was a Sam said he was trying to be authentic. Which meant that he had had the idea of I want to I want this to be authentic. I want to reconcile want to have some relationship, even if it cost me my job by doing that rather dis-Sam sorry can I get out of this we seen that so much.

We see that relationships that we have on how many times that I've said hey I'm sorry never happen again.

I'll do that you walkways like yeah yeah right were good local, but then nothing ever happens in a way from a thing cannot be a great but never going to trust that guy again. Were we in our relationship and actually in the very next chapter.

That book Dennis. He says something that is kind of just set you back in your chair.

And he says it's more important that the relationship continued, then the behavior get fixed is more important that nothing is hidden that the most important thing in the relationship is nothing thinks it than anybody's behavior gets fixed. Let me ask you question here. The agreed. But what if that relationships not a safe relationship that I'm not safe to be around. God did that for me years ago my group with the sisters.

It was incredibly mean she was very she destroyed a lot of lives in her path and and so having relationship with her is really not an option. And as I harbor these role hard feelings for for years and I knew God was calling me to forgive her and I was a stubborn as I got. I don't really want to.

I don't think she deserves it in island and will talk about that again here in a minute but what he did with me as you woke me up at three in the morning and says I want you to pray for your sister really I what why pray for your sister. When I prayed for all those feelings were really didn't call on me to physically call her. He didn't call on me to have interaction because that was not a safe environment but I'm still called to forgive. We talked about last week where Peter asked Jesus coming timeshare forgive seven. Jesus and says no. 7×7×70×7 bit later on is that he tells a story of the King and the two servants of the one that was forgiven much wood would not forgive little but at the very end of that. The last part of that segment in the Bible. Jesus says this is how my heavenly father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart and from that story that person was thrown into prison. This is not an optional thing that we forgive we tend to believe it was my choice yet is your choice, but if you want freedom you want healing you really don't have a choice.

That's what Christ is getting at here. You're called to do this I deny I misquoted what I meant to say I'm glad you get the bear corrected.

It is not that the relationships they I'm sorry what's important is it.

Nothing stays yes it is more important than the behavior gets fixed so get that go back. So in that situation, it gets back to another part of this stages of forgiveness is that there is a big difference between restoring trust in forgiving somebody, so Mike and I trust my sister if she hasn't repented and come back or but cannot get in a situation where I truly have repented and and forgiven her vertically between me and God and you got a great mulberry thing. Along those lines try to believe is from Luke when Jesus is talking about forgiveness.

Any says it's easier to move mulberry tree and I heard Rob Decker talking about. This is the mulberry tree roots go almost as deep as it goes up above the ground and where those routes are, you know, it drinks water. Now if those roots are getting better water. You can get a Bitterroot agreement and I think that's the key of what forgiveness does feel forgive somebody then you can make an agreement and you can eat that Bitterroot agreement and you carry that with you forever if you forgive the sort of drink from the tree of life, and so to speak. You know there's a joy that comes with that. You don't have to trust me, you have to be around but you have to let go and forgiveness. You have to let go and trust God to trust them, but trust God to heal this think what's funny is society knows this is Christians. I think sometimes we forget it, but society in general. If you watch any movie or somebody holds on to unforgiveness for any period of time they become better that builder bitter old man or bitter woman that's in the store and it always comes back to lack of forgiveness almost every time but that's what were doing is work moving more towards that life of bitterness than we are to life of freedom that reminds me to clear probably play some weeks ago from not easily broken about a mother who was struck and you can go back and listen to that particular show that woman's bitterness was deep. It was so bitter that she was trying to poison her daughter and in her daughter's marriage. Now there's a lot there and I think it is we get there. That idea of nothing being hidden and being able to get all our stuff out to God to be able to try to bring it out all to him because he wants to deal with every part of it, but that's after we step back from B of the judge, which takes that humility. That to me. I really heard out of both apologies and the clips that we heard that that humility in out this is where we communicate with God, where you know I can handle this turn that over to him to have another opportunity coming up to be back here to Kernersville community House on August 30 we do and so if you'd like to join us here what that looks like is recording the show but a preshow photo show and some fellowship afterwards watching the clipboard and watch something from Craig McConnell tonight very person was with friends and heart and he had passed away, and so much of it and remember some his wisdom just appreciate you listening to us this week and got a call you to a place of forgiveness for me rephrase that he's calling it a place of forgiveness for your hearing and you'll follow